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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/29962632">And So It Is</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/slomyroll/pseuds/slomyroll'>slomyroll</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Community (TV)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Canon Compliant, F/M, Friendship, Friendship/Love, Gen, Implied/Referenced Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Implied/Referenced Drug Use, Mild Sexual Content, Mild Smut, Season/Series 05</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2021-03-12</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2021-04-10</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-16 02:08:44</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Mature</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>16</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>59,705</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/29962632</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/slomyroll/pseuds/slomyroll</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>There was no way he could stay at Greendale and be a professor of sandwich law. He had nothing to offer her now, not that he had much before. Maybe it was time for the man child to nut up and die. People did it all the time. Wasn’t that what kept life from being pointless? No matter how ridiculous her choice was, she continued to choose him.</p><p>Would she choose for better or worse? Should she?</p><p>~*~</p><p>In this retelling of Season 5, Jeff allows himself to consciously acknowledge he’s in love with Annie, rather than waiting on Raquel to do all the work for him.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Annie Edison/Jeff Winger</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>115</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>115</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. The Art of the Sequel</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>This story is pretty much canon compliant, with exception of my redux of Jeff and Annie’s storyline. </p><p>I found myself having them text a lot because it was in character, and it made the “off-camera” parts of the story feasible. My use of texting is for technique, not authenticity, which is why I tend toward grammatically correct exchanges. </p><p>Hope you enjoy my take on the Season 5 that could have been.</p>
    </blockquote><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Jeff is back at Greendale, again. Lucky for him, she’s back, too.</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Starting with episode 5x1, this is my attempt to repilot.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>He was looking much sharper than he felt. His shirt pressed, tie knotted, just the right amount of his signature scent  – he almost looked like Jeff Winger circa 2007. But Jeff Winger, a legend in his own mind, would never expend this much energy, let alone be seen at Greendale Community College in 2007. And yet, here he was preparing to use his Winger moves in a place that would probably give a degree to a dog.</p><p>Maybe no one would recognize him. Still, a suit-wearing stud like him was bound to stick out. He stopped for a second, taking in their picture in the case. It had been months since he’d seen her. His shameful spiral into Jeffrey Winger, Loser at Law the sequel, was now complete. He couldn’t take anyone knowing what a failure he truly was, most of all her. The image she had of him was not real.</p><p>And sure enough, his geriatric arch nemesis was the first to spot him. Fucking Leonard. Jeff had to give it to him, at least that old raisin called it like he saw it. Jeff was back. But not for long. Five minutes, tops, was all he needed to get the dean to give him Humprhies’ records.</p><p>Get in, make a quick buck, and get the hell out of here. All in a day’s work for the Wingman. With whatever he could make off of this Humphries deal, maybe it was a one-way ticket out. In truth, he’d never even been out of Colorado. Deep down, even the idea of Denver was kind of intimidating. At least here, he could still pretend he was a big fish. Change was not something he did well.</p><p>Still, Greendale was like a retaining pond next to a superfund site. His ambition floated in it, dying a slow death. There was no way he’d escape it. He was back again already, hoping he could make something out of the four years he spent rotting here on the corpse of his career.</p><p>He was sifting through the piles of papers, when Abed popped up, followed by the excited voices of his second family. And then, he saw her. God, she looked beautiful, grown up and sophisticated. If you saw the two of them on the street together, you’d never know they met here. They’d just look like a distinguished power couple. But they were window dressing on the carnage of their second home, the Study Room. The room where they became a family was decaying right before their eyes.</p><p>Seeing them take their places around the table was the best he felt in months. But it also terrified him. He missed this. He missed them. And he’d just sold out to Alan. Fuck. Maybe, if he warned Craig, he could really save Greendale. For them.</p><p>All it took was a few minutes of being in her presence to restore a bit of genuine swagger to his step. He headed towards Craig’s office, ready to flex his inspirational muscle. Maybe he could truly warrant their belief in him by doing the right thing. Craig just needed a little help. He was a practicing lawyer again, after all. And then, he was confronted with the scourge of the real Greendale.</p><p>“You shredded the Humphries files?” He looked in the box on Craig’s desk, greeted by the only thing left, a pile of colorful bricks strung together. This place was for toddlers after all.</p><p>“I panicked, Jeffrey. The press was calling and calling. Rhonda wouldn’t take a message. She made me talk to them.” The flustered gesticulations that followed just poked the monster within, waking him from his restful slumber. “What do you want from me? This isn’t a real college. I have to give degrees to the people that come here. Remember, we accept <em>everyone</em> here, you know, that whole thing.”</p><p>The blood in his veins ran cold. “Yes, I know.”  The monster laughed at this Jeff Winger, the fake do-gooder lawyer who hung his diploma from this sewer on the wall of his strip-mall office.</p><p>This place was nothing but a diploma mill run by a village idiot. It wasn’t a proper home for him and the only people in his life he cared about. He could do better for them than Greendale ever could. He would make sure they didn’t have to ever come back. He’d forgotten what it felt like to be good at being bad.</p><p>~*~</p><p>That’s the thing about real monsters, they do have shame.  Despite the fact that they knew he was seconds away from selling Greendale out to Alan, they trusted him. She trusted him. What had this place done to him?</p><p>“Greendale’s in your hands now, Jeff.” Those eyes, drowning in her own failure, still shone bright with faith in him. The sight of her quieted the monster in him. These were the only people that mattered. He was Jeff Fucking Winger. There must be something he could do to save this place.</p><p>Ever the personal shaman, Abed called it. “You took a job here, didn’t you?”</p><p>“Not answering that, Abed.” Yeah, he couldn’t let them down. Even Britta seemed to brighten with the thought of coming back to this place. She probably should consult with a therapist, instead of investing the next 15 years of her life in becoming one. “And as crappy as this place is, and it is, we can be together. And make it less crappy.”</p><p>If he were honest, he was doing it for her more than any other. Seeing her smile was always his favorite, the light even in the dark. It was like the life came back into her eyes. “You’re right, Jeff. I can still follow my dreams here. It’s my fault I gave up.” No, it was Greendale. And every fucking person in her life, including him, that had tried to drain her of that light. He wouldn’t let Greendale take that shine from her, not on his watch.</p><p>Besides that. Shit. He needed a job. He was almost homeless. Again. Even monsters needed a place to sleep at night.</p><p>~*~</p><p>There was a soft knock on his office door. After 2 hours with Craig, he truly did want to kill himself. But then, she was there, igniting the dull, dead space with her luminous smile and equally lively eyes. She could even make this dump sparkle. Jesus, she really was a fucking princess.</p><p>“This is pretty nice, Jeff.” Apparently, she was also easily impressed. “Can I sit for a minute, or are you expecting your students for office hours?” He was pretty sure he knew what that meant, but it sounded like some kind of Greendale imposed prison sentence.</p><p>“You’re the only student I am expecting today,” covering for himself. “I don’t even have my name on the door anyway.” She released her bag from her shoulders and placed the straps around the back of the chair. The backpack was the same, but the outfit was all wrong.</p><p>“I’m not your student. I’m going to major in Forensics, remember?” Of course he did. Her certainty that yet another degree from Greendale was a dream come true almost made him a believer. At least a pretend one. “I’m pretty excited, although enrolling so late means I didn’t get my first choice of classes. But what about you? Tell me all about the classes you’ll be teaching.”</p><p>He’d only signed his life over to this place 2 days ago. Now he was expected to do work? The unstoppable go-getter wasn’t going to give him a break. “I’m still in the planning phase of things.”</p><p>“You mean writing your syllabi, picking out the books, planning your lectures.” She rattled off the pile of work like it was his Christmas list instead of a death rattle over his real career.</p><p>“Annie, slow down.” She was pretty excited, which wasn’t a bad thing. Just watching her was kind of mesmerizing. She was infectious.</p><p>“Jeff, I am so proud of you. I can’t.” She was vibrating in her seat with Edison energy pouring out of her. He couldn’t disappoint her by being honest. He had no intention of doing anything more than the bare minimum to get by here. So instead, he laid a familiar version of Jeff on her.</p><p>“You’re not still taking those samples from Futurza, are you Annie?” It was only a joke, just like the old days.</p><p>Her body quieted, and her eyes fell. She looked down at her lap, eyes darting side to side as she processed the meaning in his words. “No, Jeff. No.”</p><p>Fuck, he was such a dick. She was only trying to spread her optimism around his Greendale coffin. “Annie, I was just kidding.” She blinked a few times before those vivid, wide eyes met his. A small frown teased the corners of her mouth. “You know that right, kiddo?”</p><p>He couldn’t help it. That face, came in two flavors. Both made him cave immediately. The safe version played on the frequency of years past. The other, well, it wasn’t worth thinking about outside the safety of his condo.</p><p>Her eyes flashed and then narrowed as she pushed out a sharp breath through her nose. “Do you know what it’s like to have to babysit Troy and Abed, Jeff? At least my job paid the rent while Abed was playing director with you on your little cartoon.”</p><p>Seems being a pharmaceutical rep hardened her a little. Failure was all around them, cloaking them in the stench of Greendale. “Nobody’s forcing you to be their mom, Annie. They’re grown men.”</p><p>She cocked her head to the side, her eyebrows pointed in question. “I thought you were, too, Jeff.”</p><p>“What the hell is that supposed to mean?”</p><p>“It means you can deflect your failure onto us all you want. But you’re here now, just like the rest of us. And now, you are in a position to help this school. I hope you take that responsibility seriously.”</p><p>Did the gas leak erase her memory of the last 4 years? “You do realize we’re at Greendale. Again. What’s changed since we were here last?”</p><p>She’d changed. She looked different, a little bit of the luster was worn off. No more flowers and short skirts. They’d been replaced by some aberrant version of Office Annie. He fucking hated it.</p><p>Her face relaxed and softened before she answered. “You’ve changed, Jeff.” She wasn’t any smarter, though, if she believed that. Greendale really did suck the life out of everything it touched.</p><p>Her unequivocal confidence in him was disarming. But he couldn’t work with false hope. He existed in the real world. “Annie, you do realize that I am now officially a bottom dweller. I am relying on Greendale to sustain my life for a second time. Nothing about me has changed.”</p><p>Silence filled the space for a tension-filled moment. But she broke it. Pushing out of her chair and rounding his desk, she was now so close he couldn’t escape. He missed the little dresses and tight, low-cut cardigans. Buttoned-up Annie certainly made it easier to focus on what was above her shoulders. No, the eyes always kept him honest. Still, it was easier when he had the promise of somewhere else to look.</p><p>“Not true. Not one word of it, Jeff. You could have easily sold this place out with Alan. But you didn’t. Greendale will be a better place because you’re here.” She had to be on drugs. She was delusional.</p><p>He pushed himself back, rolling away in his chair until the wall of his office stopped him. He needed to put some distance between them. Though she looked different, the rich, sweet scent of her filled the tight space between them, and it was all Annie.</p><p>Something about her being so close made it hard to lie, even to himself. “I don’t know if I can do this, Annie.” He pushed on the back of his chair, which creaked in protest as he pressed to create more separation from her. “I wasn’t even a real lawyer.” She hopped up on his desk, letting her feet dangle. Staring at the floor for a moment, she seemed lost in thought.</p><p>“Jeff, you had to pass the bar to start practicing again. You must know something about the law.”</p><p>Logic did not always compute in his mind. He’d spent so long pretending he was a lawyer, he didn’t know how to be a legitimate anything. “Have you already forgotten that I failed as a real lawyer?” She just smiled indulgently, like he was a small child, nudging his knee with her closest foot.</p><p>Jesus, he’d missed her. So much. “How about if I help you?”</p><p>“What, you got some more Joyvatrix samples I can have?”</p><p>She crossed her arms, squinting at him. “Fine, if you don’t want my help, then I’ll leave.” She sprang off his desk, but he put a hand out to capture her forearm. He’d gone too far. When would he learn?</p><p>“I’d love it if you helped me.” He slid his hand down to her wrist, trailing his fingers over the porcelain skin of her arm, before squeezing and holding on. “Thank you, Annie.” Her eyes, dark with her saucer-sized pupils, drew him in further to her every movement.</p><p>She gulped, taking a breath in through her nose before she spoke. “Just let me know what you need, Jeff,” her voice barely audible, her eyes looking down at his hand. His heart raced a little at her words.</p><p>“I will.” He suppressed the urge to continue to hold her there. So, he let go.</p><p>“I, uh, um…” she stammered, shaking her head a few times. “I need to get to class.” He watched her try to unhook her purple backpack from the chair. She yanked it, pulling the chair so hard that the sound of the legs scraping the floor jarred him from his stupor. “Bye, Jeff.”</p><p>Even after she disappeared out the door, he could still feel a trace of her on his fingerprints.</p><p>He clenched and unclenched his hand a few times to get the blood circulating in his fingers again. Grabbing his phone from his pocket, he did the only thing that made sense.</p><p>~*~</p><p>“Jeffrey, how was your summer?” Duncan was a great distraction. It went well with the scotch he was having in the middle of the day.</p><p>“Duncan, my favorite ex-client and drunken drive-through master. Glad you could make it.”</p><p>“You said the drinks were on you. How could I resist?”</p><p>“I believe I said drink, singular. They do apply English grammar in the motherland I thought.”</p><p>“Of course. I’m just hopeful you have time for more than one with an old pal.” He had time. All day, really. He motioned to the bartender for two – a refill and a replica of his scotch for Duncan. “I see practicing law has you drinking in proper style again,” tipping his glass toward Jeff before taking a long slug from it.</p><p>There was no way he could admit the windfall was not what Duncan thought. He was probably one paycheck away from going dry out of necessity. Might as well live it up while he could. “Something like that,” he mumbled into his glass, letting the burn roll through him.</p><p>“Anytime you want to share the spoils of your filthy-rich, guilty clients, I hope you’ll keep me on speed dial, hey, old friend,” clapping Jeff on the shoulder. In truth, Duncan was his oldest friend. Maybe he should just rip the band-aid off. It was only a matter of time before he was outed.</p><p>So he eased in slowly. “What are you plans for shaping minds at Greendale this semester?”</p><p>Duncan snorted into his glass. “Since when are you interested in what I teach at Greendale? I would think that would be the last place on earth the fabled cowboy Jeff Winger would care to think about now that he’s back in the saddle again.”</p><p>Jeff rolled his scotch around in his glass. “The saddle is not all it’s cracked up to be,” he muttered under his breath.</p><p>“What’s that now?”</p><p>“Nothing, never mind,” coughing as he choked down a larger drink than he intended.</p><p>“Slow down there, cowboy, it’s a bit early for me,” Duncan sniggered, slapping him in the middle of the back.</p><p>“Tell me, then, do you still see the lovely and charming Britta now that you have left the womb of Greendale?”</p><p>As if he conjured her, his phone buzzed in his pocket.</p><p> </p><p><strong>Fake Blonde Therapist</strong>: Can you watch my cats this weekend?</p><p><strong>Jeff</strong>: I’m not Troy. Wrong number.</p><p><strong>Fake Blonde Therapist</strong>: I’ll make it worth your while.</p><p><strong>Jeff</strong>: I’m not having sex with you Britta.</p><p><strong>Fake Blonde Therapist</strong>: Promise?</p><p><strong>Jeff</strong>: Ask Annie. I’m busy.</p><p><strong>Fake Blonde Therapist</strong>: I can’t trust her with my cats. You know she’s a drug pusher now.</p><p><strong>Jeff</strong>: You push drugs out of your belly button.</p><p><strong>Fake Blonde Therapist</strong>: Only on Tuesdays.</p><p><strong>Jeff</strong>: I believe that’s what they call in psychology, a rationalization.</p><p><strong>Fake Blonde Therapist</strong>: Are you going to help me or not?</p><p><strong>Jeff</strong>: So long as there’s an open-ended bar tab waiting for me somewhere in Greendale…</p><p><strong>Fake Blonde Therapist</strong>: Fine. You’re the worst.</p><p><strong>Jeff</strong>: Me think the lady doth protest too much.</p><p><strong>Fake Blonde Therapist</strong>: You just can’t let it go, can you?</p><p><strong>Jeff</strong>: Calling you a lady or my love of the classics.</p><p><strong>Fake Blonde Therapist</strong>: Whatever. White-male dominance over the female literary voice is of no interest to me. But my cats are.</p><p><strong>Jeff</strong>: Tell you what. Name the author I quoted in less than 5 seconds, and I’ll watch them for 2 weekends.</p><p><strong>Fake Blonde Therapist</strong>: …</p><p><strong>Jeff</strong>: No Google cheating.</p><p><strong>Fake Blonde Therapist</strong>: Never mind. They like Troy better than you anyway.</p><p><strong>Jeff:</strong> Just keep telling yourself that.</p><p>~*~</p><p>He woke the next morning, barely able to move his eyelids, before an invisible hammer made good work of the backside of his head. He wasn’t even sure how he made it home last night. The last thing he remembered was the three of them doing shots. That probably meant he didn’t have his car. Thankfully, he was alone. It was not his style to indulge that much and go in search of a companion for the night. He had standards after all. Well, he used to anyway.</p><p>He was still in the same clothes from yesterday, which probably meant his phone was in reach. He fumbled around in the sheets of his bed, finding it wedged beneath his pillow. Luckily, his phone informed him it was only 4:17 AM. If you could call that luck, which for him, it was. That meant he had time to reattach his brain to its skull before he faced the inevitable course of his day.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. Basic Teaching Strategies for the Hopelessly Reformed</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Jeff reluctantly accepts guidance from his favorite student.</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>This is episode 5x2. I totally love the energy of their interactions in this episode. But it needed its own spin to take the story where I want it to go.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Seeing his name on the door of this place caused his stomach to revisit its decision to keep his breakfast down. It was only made worse when he realized he wasn’t alone anymore either. Might as well make nice with his new office bestie.</p><p>“Hey, Jeff Winger, Law.” The guy barely turned to acknowledge him.</p><p>“Ah, the gods are tossing me a virgin,” the old guy chuckled, his laugh turning into a rough cough. “Buzz. Hickey. Reformed cop.” Jeff fell into his chair. “Now, I teach Criminology. This your main gig now?”</p><p>“No, I’m not planning on being here long. It’s sort of a temporary blip for me.”</p><p>The gravely cough only got more pronounced. “I said the same thing,” an almost wistful look took over the lines of his face. Jeff had a flash forward to his future self. A shiver played down his spine, lodging in his stomach. He was already rounding the corner on his fifth year here. “That was 15 years ago,” a deep, grainy laugh escaping Hickey in response to the look on Jeff’s face.</p><p>“Go ahead and get comfy, Winger. But come spring, you’ll need to make room for some cadavers.”</p><p>Yeah, he was right to be creeped out by this guy. If he wasn’t gone by spring, he really might need to off himself.</p><p>“Don’t worry, my pigs don’t take up too much room. And you get used to the smell.” Hickey shared through his continued laughter. “I like you, Winger. We’re going to be pals.”</p><p>Hickey proved his worth later when he almost took a shiv to Leonard in the cafeteria. He knew they were truly BFFs when he showed him the keys to the castle – the teacher’s lounge. Nothing could prepare him from what was on the other side of that door. Winger Utopia was real. And in this very tangible version of his world, union rules ruled. And alcohol flowed.</p><p>It was too good to last.</p><p>~*~</p><p>It didn’t take her long to catch on. Maybe it was his desire to recapture the glory days and take that Nicolas Cage class with the rest of them. Or, it could have been his feet propped up on his desk playing on his phone. No, it had to be the fact that he knew nothing about the law.</p><p>He could hear Chang’s girlie voice mocking him behind the birdlike frame towering over him, seething with disapproval. Even when she was disappointed in him, she was still smoking hot. Maybe it was the fact that she had no qualms about bossing him around when she got like this. Fuck, he had a problem, and it was stacking a pile of books in front of him.</p><p>“Jeff,” snapping her fingers at him like he was a toddler. “Hey!” Ok, he was kind of behaving like a child, but she was no fun. “You better be prepared for a pop quiz tomorrow, first thing, Jeff,” a scolding finger pointing at him.</p><p>“I know my rights!” he whined. He was a man, wasn’t he? He didn’t need to take this shit. “You’re the worst. I wish Britta was in this class instead of you.”</p><p>A small squeak escaped her, as he stormed off balancing the stack of books she brought him. Like he was actually going to read any of it. He’d show her.</p><p> ~*~</p><p>Ok, so he didn’t actually hate her. But he didn’t like her very much today. He liked her even less now that he was reading about tort reform, as opposed to keeping up with those Kardashians. Maybe scotch would help.</p><p><strong>Annie</strong>: Need any help yet?</p><p><strong>Jeff</strong>: [A picture of the bottle next to his books]</p><p><strong>Annie</strong>: ☹ That’s not the kind of help I meant.</p><p><strong>Jeff</strong>: I think you’ve helped me enough for one day.</p><p><strong>Annie</strong>: I can quiz you on the amendments now.</p><p><strong>Jeff</strong>: Pass.</p><p><strong>Annie</strong>: I’m sorry.</p><p><strong>Jeff</strong>: For what?</p><p><strong>Annie</strong>: I push too much.</p><p><strong>Jeff</strong>: Are you trying to get me to incriminate myself?</p><p><strong>Annie</strong>: I just know you’ll be a great teacher.</p><p><strong>Jeff</strong>: If greatness means I’m in the company of my peers, then I’m doing time for sure.</p><p><strong>Annie</strong>: See, you know the Bill of Rights. Stop playing me.</p><p><strong>Jeff</strong>: Guilty.</p><p><strong>Annie</strong>: Don’t worry. Your secret’s safe with me.</p><p><strong>Jeff</strong>: Is my quiz officially over now?</p><p><strong>Annie</strong>: You passed.</p><p><strong>Jeff</strong>: You’re an excellent teacher. Maybe you should teach my class.</p><p><strong>Annie</strong>: Nice try. I’ve got enough work to do. And I’m already sleepy.</p><p><strong>Jeff</strong>: Night, Annie.</p><p><strong>Annie</strong>: (-, – )…zzzZZZ</p><p>~*~</p><p>The high of teaching couldn’t last long. Nothing good ever lasted at Greendale. Any bloom of success would be snuffed out before it had a chance to take root and grow. The smell of meatballs felt like defeat, served up for lunch for the rest of his life. Maybe starvation wasn’t the worst way to go if it meant he would be released from his version of hell.</p><p>The fact that his fate rested in the hands of Craig was slow death enough. Maybe he should just speed it along.</p><p>“Jeff, wait up!” She jogged toward him. Her hair was shiny, bouncing and catching the light like she was in a fucking shampoo commercial. Meanwhile, he was still covered in the remnants of the riot she incited.  He pressed his fingers into his temple, hoping to stave off the looming headache slowly consuming him. A bit of spaghetti sauce flaked off on his fingers.</p><p>“Annie, I’d really like to wash off the stench of the day, if that’s ok with you.”</p><p>“I just wanted to say thank you, Jeff.”</p><p>“For what?” He leaned over her, absently plucking what looked like a string of spaghetti from the top of her head. She was like a hobbit compared to him.</p><p>She wrinkled her nose. “Oh, God, gross, is there more?”</p><p>“Hold on,” he put a hand on either side of her head, his fingers threading around the back of her neck. She still smelled like Annie, even with the Greendale stank on her. “Nope, all clear.”</p><p>He reluctantly let go, letting his fingers drag down the lines of her neck. He stepped back so he wasn’t looking down on the top of her head.</p><p>She was looking at the ground. “I, um, I guess I owe you twice now,” her voice rising to a strange pitch.</p><p>“Though I wish your methods were different, I can understand the desire to throw food. I deserved it.”</p><p>“No, you didn’t. It’s just, sometimes, Jeff…” she tapped the heels of her feet together like they were some ruby slippers that could grant her wish to be somewhere else. She looked up at him, squinting to stave off the light of the sun. “I just wish things were different, you know?”</p><p>He did. He knew it all too well. “What did you want to thank me for again?”</p><p>She glanced down and back again, now using her hand to block out the light in her eyes. “Hickey apologized to me. If you can call it that,” shrugging her shoulders.</p><p>“Why are you thanking me?”</p><p>Her mouth turned into the smile, the one that pushed her cheeks up, the lashes framing her eyes to their full effect. This face figured in both his conscious and unconscious thoughts on the regular. He knew it well. “You don’t all suck, Jeff. You’re one of the non-sucky ones. You’re not fooling me.” She turned on her heel and walked off.</p><p>As always, she moved with purpose, like she was really going somewhere important. It was Annie. She was definitely meant for something more than Greendale.</p><p>He watched her until she disappeared into a sea of cars.</p><p>~*~</p><p>It was possible that they put something in the water here. They clearly weren’t above poisoning the air. That must explain why he agreed to run this stupid committee. As if this dump could be saved. Being back in the Study Room felt comfortable. Now he got paid to make this place better, instead of giving away his Winger charm for free like the previous 4 years.</p><p>He wasn’t welcome in the teacher’s lounge at the moment. The faculty of Greendale were not as influenced by a Winger speech as his old Study Group. Consorting with the enemy was now his only option, which meant  he had to try to keep the peace with her. She’d decided it was best to drop his class. Post-riot Annie had to remain tough on professors, him included.</p><p>That just meant she couldn’t be seen helping him at Greendale. The Save Greendale Committee wasn’t the teach Jeff Winger to do his job club after all. Although, it would be nice if he could swing that at some point. After all, he would need someone to help him grade the papers she was planning to assign to his students.</p><p>“I don’t see why I have to read poorly constructed sentences to know if my students learned. Why can’t they just talk, and I grade them on the spot. Chang did it.”</p><p>She looked up from her notebook, sending one judgmental eyebrow into her forehead. “You are a desperate man, Jeff. You just aspired to be like Chang.”</p><p>“No, Annie, I aim to do as little work as possible. Call me ambitious.” She huffed out a disapproving laugh as she scribbled more notes. “What? That’s the Jeff Winger way, Annie.”</p><p>The vigorous movement of her pen came to a halt. She set it down and crossed her hands together. “I’m sure that’s great consolation to your students, who are putting their trust in you.”</p><p>“What do you want from me, Annie? Remember, not real lawyer.” He didn’t need her crap. Giving oral arguments during class was a great way to teach his students about the type of lawyer he was. “Besides, it’s my job to teach my students to think about the law, not just regurgitate it back to me on paper.”</p><p>She reached across the table and squeezed his hand for just a second. “Now you’re sounding like a professor, Mr. Winger.”</p><p>The feel of her hand was an unexpected shock to his system. “That’s not really a compliment to me, Annie.” He pulled his hand away, putting it out of view so he could flex the fingers. They had that numbness again.</p><p>“Why, don’t you want to feel good about what you’re doing now?” Anything less than 120% optimism, fueled by effort, did not figure in the Annie Edison formula for world order.</p><p>“I’m not like you, Annie. I don’t just make the best of things.” He rubbed the back of his neck, still trying to get the feeling back in his hand. “What I want is not to be at Greendale still. That would make me feel good.”</p><p>She picked up her pen, starting to make more notes. “I’m thinking if two papers are too much grading, maybe just do an essay for the final and multiple-choice exam for the mid-term. Those are pretty mindless to grade. I’m not a fan of the oral presentation as an exam grade. That’s a lot of pressure. But, if people are studying the law, they should probably get used to that.” She stopped writing, turning her hopeful eyes on him. “How does that sound?”</p><p>He could be a real prick sometimes. She was just trying to help. It wasn’t her fault he was a complete and utter failure. He tried to make it up to her.</p><p>“That sounds better. But, I’m thinking it wouldn’t be fair to those who are solid writers to only give them one essay. Maybe they should have to submit their oral exam in writing on a pre-determined topic, before they deliver it in class.” Her approving gaze was exactly what he needed. “Lawyers do have to write, too. Not all of them are born with my natural gifts.”</p><p>She only nodded in agreement. “You are talented,” her tone tinged with a bit of melancholy. That was odd. Normally, she’d try to check his ego, not affirm it.</p><p>He leaned back in his chair. “You said it, Annie.” These little wins made the rest of  his life tolerable.</p><p>“Jeff, you’re ridiculous.”</p><p>“How so?”</p><p>She was silent, except for the tapping of her pen on her notebook. “Did you mean what you said in the cafeteria?” He said a lot of things. Food was being flung at him from multiple directions. “About never being able to leave Greendale,” she clarified.</p><p>Oh, that. Her mind was scary. It could hold a lot of useless information, including the crap he said. “I think my record stands for itself.” This line of questioning was not much fun. “But, with your help, maybe someday I’ll achieve greatness at the number two community college in Greendale.”</p><p>She let the pen drop to the table, her eyes moving about the room, landing on the wall behind him for a few moments. It was rare for her to lose her train of thought. She was uncharacteristically quiet before she spoke again. “You kept my curtains up.” He turned to look behind him. He almost didn’t see the splash of purple above his window anymore. They were just part of his place now.</p><p>“Yeah, I guess they grew on me. You want them back?” She shook her head.</p><p>“No.” She looked back again at the wall. “I’m sorry, Jeff.”</p><p>“For what? Helping me do my crappy job? I’m the one who should be apologizing to you. You must have better things to do with your time.”</p><p>She picked up her pen again, never looking him in the eye. “No, I’m sorry we lost touch after graduation.” She was drawing little shapes around her notes now, still not meeting his eye. “Maybe I could have helped.”</p><p>Jesus, this was not a conversation he wanted to have with her, or anyone for that matter. He pushed away from the table, heading to the kitchen to talk to his constant companion. He poured himself a glass and stood looking at her across the bar of his kitchen. Honesty was always easier to swallow with liquid courage.</p><p>“Once a fake lawyer, always a fake lawyer, Annie.” This was a given, no sense in pretending otherwise. “And now, with your competent assistance, I’ll be able to add fake professor to my resume. Got to make good on the Winger guarantee.”</p><p>She stopped her doodling, now locking eyes with him. “Don’t do that, Jeff.”</p><p>“You’re right, fake is too generous. Failed is more like it.” Scotch went well with self-pity. Made it easier to indulge.</p><p>She tapped the point of her pen, loudly, before she recapped it. “So what, Jeff?” Her voice had an edge to it that he hadn’t heard in years. “You are not the first person in the history of the world to fail. More than once. Don’t be such a child about it.” This time, however, she wasn’t play acting with him and the dean. She meant it.</p><p>“Easy for you to say,” taking another swig from his glass before refilling it.</p><p>“What is that supposed to mean?”</p><p>He rubbed his finger around the rim of his tumbler, attempting to calm himself before this escalated. The words came out without consideration for the consequence. “Nothing, kiddo.” That did it. She started to pack up her bag.</p><p>He hadn’t seen her this mad since the lost pen situation. Wait, no, since she organized a mob over being given an A -. If her eyes could spit fire, he’d be in flames. “It always comes back to this for you, huh?” Well, it was true, she was still pretty much a kid compared to him. “It’s time to get some new material, Jeff.”</p><p>This was not how he envisioned their night. He hadn’t really thought about what would happen. He just wanted to be around her. So much so, that he’d asked her to come here and help him do actual work. He propped his elbows on the kitchen counter, resting his head in his hands. “I’m sorry, Annie. I don’t want to fight with you.”</p><p>She looped each strap of her backpack over a shoulder, her face flushed. “No, what do you want then, Jeff?” That was the million-fucking-dollar question.</p><p>“I want us to be friends, like we used to be. Before you took up with the resistance and tried to take out the likes of me.”</p><p>She wasn’t so easily amused by him anymore. He couldn’t even get a laugh or a smile of concession. Her eyes just narrowed, her beautiful smile now a tightened grimace. “Just because I failed earlier in my life than you, does not mean I don’t hate it as much as you do. You’re not as alone as you think you are.”</p><p>It hadn’t occurred to him that her experience away from Greendale might have actually helped her grow. Or maybe she was capable of it all along, but he couldn’t see it. Wouldn’t see it. That let him control this situation. “You are not a failure, Annie. That’s not even possible.”</p><p>His words seemed to mollify her anger for the moment. She pulled at the end of one of her straps, focusing on it like it was the most fascinating thing in the room. Her fingers picked at a loose string there before she spoke. “Jeff,” her voice heavier but low. “Do you even see who I am at all?”</p><p>He wanted to say yes, but he still wished for a short skirt or floral dress to pop out of her closet again. It would be so much easier to go back to that version of them. “I see a driven, ambitious, intelligent woman. That’s what I see.” A compliment like that would surely earn him some points. He was losing her and fast.</p><p>“Do you? Honestly?” Her incredulity was lost on him. He was genuinely being straight with her. For maybe the first time ever. He really didn’t get what she was after. He couldn’t keep up. He should have added diabolical to the list. Maybe Darkest Timeline Annie and his Annie somehow fused into one when she was out in the real world.</p><p>Grinning at her, he hoped to lighten her mood. “Yes, why would I lie? You’ve already helped me with my syllabus.” He couldn’t help himself, really. This conversation was too intense.</p><p>She threw up her arms in defeat. “Ugh, Jeff! Grow up already.” She headed for the door, jamming her feet into her shoes, hurriedly reaching for the door. “You don’t own the monopoly on failure. I ended up at Greendale because of my choices, same as you. We all did, Jeff.”</p><p>He ran his hand through his hair, hoping the oxygen he was taking in would equate to saying something to stop her. He didn’t want her to leave like this. Following her to the door, he gave it his most mature effort.</p><p>“Wait, I’m sorry. Annie, it’s just, this time, I, …” Looking at her was like looking in a mirror but not the kind with great lighting and a slimming effect. But she waited, unyielding patience for a man who didn’t deserve it. “I tried, this time, to make the right choices, Annie. And, I still failed.”</p><p>Her body relaxed, but her mouth moved, gnawing at her lip. She squeezed her eyes shut and drew in a deep breath. When she opened them, all he saw was a calm, blue sea of acceptance. “I’m going to say something to you now, and I hope you’ll listen.” She reached across the space between them, and wrapped a delicate hand around the backside of his bicep. “Ok?”</p><p>Did he really have a choice? She was in the director’s chair of the Jeff show right now. “Yeah, ok.”</p><p>“I am so sorry your law firm failed. But you, Jeff Winger, are not a failure. Are you with me so far?”</p><p>The fingers applied the slightest pressure, like she could transfer the image she held of him to his brain. It worked, maybe a little. “I accept that is a plausible argument.” She bestowed a tiny smile on him for his efforts, rubbing the backside of his arm, before letting it rest.</p><p>“I am a recovering drug addict, who just spent 3 months of my life pushing drugs on others and possibly trying some myself. This is not the formula for success.”</p><p>He hated to hear talk about herself this way. She was more than that. “Annie, don’t, you’re so much…” She held up her hand to quiet him. While that was his move, she owned it like the pro she was.</p><p>“My path in life has fewer years than yours, but it is not so different. And just because our paths led us both through Greendale – twice – does not mean it’s the end. It’s just the path we’re on now. It also means, we’re not alone.” She let go of his arm, putting her hand back on the door to leave.</p><p>She’d handed him ass again, for the second time this week. He could admit it, but it terrified him that she could reduce his bravado to the pile of bullshit it was. There was no Winger-ism to toss at her. She’d defuse it before it even had a chance. So instead, he tried something simple. “Thanks, Annie.”</p><p>She let go of the knob and rose up on her toes to kiss him on the cheek. “You’re welcome, Jeff. Anytime.”</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0003"><h2>3. Introduction to Emotional Maturity</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>While Jeff and Annie pursue the Ass Crack Bandit, their Greendale family begins to splinter.</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Episode 5x3 is totally fun but dark. I decided to stick with that feel in my own story.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>His classes were getting more manageable, which left him a lot of time to level up in Fruit Ninja. Also, he wasn’t hiding from her. Not intentionally. He just didn’t need to get drawn into another fantastical Greendale escapade. Besides, nothing could compare to paintball.</p><p>He wasn’t sure why she was invested in interrupting harmless but juvenile frat-boy behavior. People just needed to wear pants that fit them. That could do more for this school than solving this "case” ever would. He’d been wishing for years that Leonard better secured his pants at his waist line.</p><p>There she was, just the same, trying to get him to play detective with her. If he could pretend with anyone around here, it was her. It wasn’t the worst way to spend a dreary Greendale afternoon. But he was still under the dean’s thumb. And, he didn’t need the faculty pissed at him so soon. They just let him back into the longue. He had his priorities.</p><p>“Jeff, you know we’re the only ones who can make something happen around here.”</p><p>“While I don’t dispute the power of my own greatness by Greendale standards, I can assure you this isn’t worth getting done, Annie.”</p><p>“Standing with your own kind I see. Turning your back on us already?”</p><p>Why couldn’t she just leave him in peace? It had been kind of quiet since she dropped his class. He was able to coast for awhile with minimal thought or effort. “Look I’ll help you but only on the very down low, ok?” She broke into a little dance. “I said down low, Annie.” She did her best to contain her excitement, but it oozed out of her.</p><p>“Ok, let it out before rainbows, hearts, and kittens start shooting out of your eyes.”</p><p>“Oh, Jeff.” She stole a quick squeeze. “Thank you!” her voice buzzing with enthusiasm. It was pretty amazing how she managed serious and adorable simultaneously. It almost made him forget the dean signed his paychecks. It was worth it to see her happy.</p><p>~*~</p><p>He was starting to wonder if they were going too far with the case. Inevitably, if he was questioning how he spent his time here, it led him to wonder what he was doing with his life. Best not to think too hard on that topic.</p><p>Just the same, he couldn’t ignore that she’d converted his office to their situation room, and he was pretty sure she’d skipped her classes that day to chase leads on the bandit. He had no problem canceling a class or two for a good cause. Annie was always a worthy one.</p><p>By the time he found himself in Craig’s office, it was possible he was in over his head with her. It wouldn’t be the first time. But the dean, and the Ass Crack Bandit for that matter, may be on to him. Rhonda was even giving him the side eye. She never really liked him anyway.</p><p>“Let me guess. The two of you thought it would be just fine to run around the school, falsely accusing teachers and wrecking classrooms, so you could play one of your adult games together.” He was more transparent than he thought. Or Craig was more perceptive.</p><p>“Hey! That’s not cool.” Even though this entire conversation was absurd, he couldn’t contain his desire to defend her. “Annie’s trying to help you.”  </p><p>Craig wasn’t buying it. He pursed his lips, lifting his eyebrows in question. “Really? You expect me to believe that skulking around in the dark corners of Greendale is just an attempt to help me, Jeffrey? You are a professional here, and this is some pretty shady business.” Craig was right, but he was also as big a hypocrite as Jeff.</p><p>He glanced at her briefly. Surely, she’d cave under this intense scrutiny. Her mouth was agape, however, either offended by Craig’s implication or by getting caught. He couldn’t tell which.</p><p>But, just when he thought he knew her, she surprised him.</p><p>“Someone had to investigate the teachers, Dean. You weren’t going to do it.” Great, she didn’t deny it any more than he did. Instead she chose to fight for the right to continue. When she committed to something, she didn’t back down. Damn.</p><p>The last few days brought out some life in her again. He couldn’t help it if he encouraged it, too, by even agreeing to this investigation in the first place. But, he was so glad the fire was back in her eyes. Despite the silliness surrounding them, it was unbelievably exciting to be around her.</p><p>Craig turned his eyes on her. He didn’t know who he was dealing with. There was no way he’d win going toe to toe with her. “You think defending your little partner in crime here is going to win you points with me?"</p><p>She let out a little gasp. “I thought you might care that we solve this case. At least Jeff’s not afraid of the faculty,” she added petulantly.</p><p>"That’s it, you’re suspended Ms. Edison.” Maybe Craig wasn’t a completely spineless adversary. It was possible he learned something from the last time the three of them played their own game of conspiracy roulette.</p><p>“Wait, you can’t do that.” She wasn’t letting go for some reason. “This isn’t even a real case.” And just like that, she confirmed what they were doing was another episode of Greendale adult playtime.</p><p>“Fine, then. You’re both off the case.”</p><p>~*~</p><p>Even though he’d spent a good part of his week pursuing the suspect in a fake crime, he wasn’t ready to admit why to anyone, including her. In truth, he was just as caught up in bandit mania as she was, never really questioning his motives. The past few days had almost made him forget he was wasting away in this dump. As dumb as this case was, at least someone needed him to do something. The fact that it was Annie only made the ludicrous appear worthwhile.</p><p>The scene in Craig’s office notwithstanding, he actually did want to figure out who was behind this. He was not buying it was Starburns. Something didn’t add up, and he wasn’t stupid. Well, that is unless you thought about what he was actually doing. But, like most Greendale shenanigans, he was too far in not to see it to its natural conclusion.</p><p>She pursued him down the hallway, breathless when she caught up to him. “Where are you going, Jeff? It’s over.”</p><p>“Annie, you know it’s a teacher. We have to solve this case. Justice needs to be served.” He realized he sounded like a character in one of Abed’s amateur scripts. Greendale was a perfect setting for a plotless melodrama, masquerading as a mystery.</p><p>As if their omniscient director sensed it was time, she changed tactics on him, suddenly ready to let the case go to acknowledge the very thing he wouldn’t.</p><p>“Jeff, maybe I was wrong. And the dean was right.” Her voice was tentative, but her words were direct. “About us?” she added, more of a clarification than a question.</p><p>Of course the dean was right about them. But he wasn’t going to address his urges in the halls of Greendale, especially with Leonard watching. He’d been burned by that leering, old coot before. Besides, he had some standards. And, he was beginning to wonder if Craig wasn’t behind all of this. That man would do anything to throw a dance.</p><p>“No, Annie. I want the right person to be held responsible. I want to help you, like you asked.” As soon as the words came out of his mouth, he was aware that he’d pulled her into him, closely. His adrenaline was pumping. It would be so easy to just let go and see what might happen. Finally.</p><p>She glanced down at his hands, wrapped around her shoulders. Then, in a calm, subdued tone, she broke through to him. “Jeff?”</p><p>Her eyes tracked to his, holding them and searching for an answer for what neither of them would put into words. Shit.</p><p>He released her and stormed off, leaving here there with Leonard.</p><p>~*~</p><p>He couldn’t see her anymore. The fake smoke from the party, combined with the eerie lighting in this place after dark, sucked her out of his line of sight. Then he felt fingers wrap around his hand, crushing it with an intensity that should probably not shock him. She was strong when she needed to be.</p><p>“Jeff,” her voice rough with emotion, immediately caught his attention.</p><p>“Annie,” he pulled her to a clearer part of the hall. The lights flickered, highlighting the trail of tears running down her cheeks. “What, what’s wrong?” Shirley was standing next to her. They both looked ill under these crazy lights, but there was something else.</p><p>“Pierce, is, um. He’s dead, Jeff,” Shirley choked out.</p><p>It probably wasn’t the time to mention he may have wished for something like this on more than one occasion. Even he wasn’t that dense. He just pulled Annie in, letting her cry, despite the stains likely forming on his shirt. He didn’t know if it was the strobe-like lighting or the smoke, but he may have felt his own eyes sting as he held her.</p><p>~*~</p><p>He hadn’t moved from his couch since he got home. The TV flickered in front of him; the bottle sat next to his feet on the coffee table. No sense in getting up if he didn’t have to. When he’d left Greendale, he considered whether it was a good idea to be alone. But the Ass Crack Bandit caper with Annie fit into the standard Greendale bucket of worthless, waste of time that it was. Besides, she was actually grieving. He wasn’t going to be any good for her.</p><p>Pierce may have been a racist, misogynistic, homophobe, but he was still part of this family. Fuck. He was dead. Someone left his life, forever, while he was running around Greendale, acting like a love-struck teenage boy. Even the dean called him out on what he was doing. His life knew no bottom.</p><p>He tried to ignore his phone. But the damn think kept vibrating on the kitchen counter. Having muted it, like the TV, he had no interest in breaking up with the couch and his scotch anytime soon. But its incessant buzzing grated at the edges of his sanity. He just wanted to be left the fuck alone.</p><p>Then there was a knock at the door. It was familiar. There was no fucking way he was opening the door.</p><p>“Jeffrey, are you there?” His neighbor struggled with boundaries. Nothing new there. But he didn’t have to make it easier. The knocking continued. “I know you are home, Jeffrey. Your car is still in the lot.” Just what he needed, a stalker.</p><p>“What?” he barked, throwing open his door. He must look like shit, not that he cared, because Craig’s reaction to him was not his standard starry-eyed gaze. He didn’t even try to pretend he wasn’t drunk, with no clue what time it was.</p><p>“The Study Group asked me to check on you. They say you’re not answering your phone. So, here I am,” plastering on his signature smile, though his eyes were drawn with concern, not his normal undying admiration.</p><p>“You can tell them I’m jusss-t fine. Just taking some time to my-self.” He could hear himself, not exactly smooth and articulate as usual. He may be slurring his words, a little.</p><p>“Hmm, I can see that,” he demurred. “Have you eaten today, Jeffrey?” He held a bag in front of Jeff, in case the answer was no.</p><p>He was starting to feel a little dizzy, so he just left his door open, returning to his couch. He figured Craig wasn’t leaving until he was satisfied his favorite faculty member was not on a collision course with alcohol poisoning.</p><p>Craig sat down in one his chairs, setting the bag on the coffee table, starting to unpack some containers. Jeff continued his staring contest with the TV. “Can I get you a plate, Jeffrey?”</p><p>Jeff waved his hand toward the kitchen, a bit of scotch spilling over the side and dripping down his hand with the sudden motion. “Plates are that way.”</p><p>He heard Craig release a long breath, before he spoke. “Jeffrey, I’m very sorry about Pierce. We will all miss him terribly.” He didn’t have the energy to talk about this.</p><p>“Thanks,” he muttered. Craig found his way into the kitchen and set him up with a plate and utensils.</p><p>He sat down again, taking on the serious tone he rarely used. “I will leave you alone as soon as I can tell your friends you are ok. For me, that means seeing you eat something before I leave you to whatever that is,” gesturing toward the TV.</p><p>He set his glass down. He desperately wanted to be alone, so he put something on the plate and forced it down. Even in his drunken haze, he knew the food was a little late to save him from tomorrow’s pain. It would catch up with him.</p><p>Craig stood and placed a hand on Jeff’s shoulder. Normally, he would shake it off. But his reaction time was delayed, and Craig wasn’t acting like his usual adoring self either. “Take care of yourself, Jeffrey. I’m next door if you need anything.”</p><p>And just like that, he was alone again.</p><p>~*~</p><p>One shower, 4 ibuprofens, and one disgusting but detoxing smoothie later, he was ready to face the music for going MIA. There were only 2 threads he needed to respond to with any urgency, and Craig had sort of taken care of the one last night. He’d let the group know that he’d located Jeff, and he was alive.</p><p>But, the unread messages from her were in the double digits. Shit, he wasn’t one of the good ones. Once again, she’d given him more credit than he deserved. He totally sucked.</p><p><strong>Jeff: </strong>I’m fine, ok? Are you?</p><p><strong>Annie: </strong>No.</p><p><strong>Jeff: </strong>What can I do?</p><p><strong>Annie: </strong>You could have answered your phone last night.</p><p><strong>Jeff: </strong>I’m sorry. I needed some time to myself.</p><p><strong>Annie:</strong> Time for you and your scotch. I get it.</p><p><strong>Jeff: </strong>That’s not fair.</p><p><strong>Annie: </strong>Lots of things aren’t fair.</p><p><strong>Jeff: </strong>This isn’t making it better.</p><p><strong>Annie: </strong>So I should make it easier for you to drown in a bottle of scotch?</p><p><strong>Jeff: </strong>You assume the worst.</p><p><strong>Annie: </strong>I’m not stupid. I know you.</p><p><strong>Jeff: </strong>You think so?</p><p><strong>Annie: </strong>I know so.</p><p><strong>Jeff: </strong>You don’t.</p><p><strong>Annie</strong>: Then why don’t you tell me.</p><p><strong>Jeff</strong>: Tell you what?</p><p><strong>Annie</strong>: What happened yesterday?</p><p><strong>Jeff</strong>: Our friend died.</p><p><strong>Annie: </strong>Yes, I am aware.</p><p><strong>Jeff: </strong>So, what else.</p><p><strong>Annie:</strong> Why did you ignore my messages?</p><p><strong>Jeff:</strong> I told you. Needed my time alone.</p><p><strong>Annie:</strong> You think that’s what’s best for you?</p><p><strong>Jeff: </strong>I don’t know.</p><p><strong>Annie: </strong>It’s not.</p><p><strong>Jeff: </strong>My head hurts. Can we not do this.</p><p><strong>Annie: </strong>Sure. Let’s not do this.</p><p><strong>Jeff: </strong>Are you there?</p><p><strong>Annie: </strong>I’m always here.</p><p><strong>Jeff: </strong>I know.</p><p><strong>Annie: </strong>Do you?</p><p><strong>Jeff: </strong>I do.</p><p><strong>Annie: </strong>Then why?</p><p><strong>Jeff: </strong>Why what?</p><p><strong>Annie: </strong>Platonic shoulder holding? Come on.</p><p><strong>Jeff: </strong>I don’t want to do this now.</p><p><strong>Annie: </strong>You don’t want to do this. Ever.</p><p><strong>Jeff: </strong>Not true.</p><p><strong>Annie: </strong>Prove it.</p><p><strong>Jeff: </strong>I don’t know how.</p><p><strong>Annie: </strong>It’s not that complicated.</p><p><strong>Jeff: </strong>It is for me.</p><p><strong>Annie: </strong>I know.</p><p><strong>Jeff: </strong>Do you?</p><p><strong>Annie: </strong>I try to.</p><p><strong>Jeff:</strong> I’m trying, too. You know?</p><p><strong>Annie: </strong>Yes, but try harder.</p><p><strong>Jeff: </strong>What does that mean?</p><p><strong>Annie: </strong>It means you need to stop running away.</p><p><strong>Jeff: </strong>I’m not.</p><p><strong>Annie:</strong> You are. You left me with Leonard.</p><p><strong>Jeff:</strong> I was working the case.</p><p><strong>Annie:</strong> The case was stupid.</p><p><strong>Jeff:</strong> I tried to tell you that from the beginning.</p><p><strong>Annie:</strong> But you helped me anyway.</p><p><strong>Jeff:</strong> Yes.</p><p><strong>Annie:</strong> So why won’t you let me help you?</p><p><strong>Jeff:</strong> I don’t need any help.</p><p><strong>Annie: </strong>I have a bunch of unanswered texts from yesterday that prove otherwise.</p><p><strong>Jeff:</strong> I’m fine.</p><p><strong>Annie: </strong>Are you?</p><p><strong>Jeff: </strong>Almost.</p><p><strong>Annie:</strong> That’s not good enough.</p><p><strong>Jeff:</strong> I can take care of myself.</p><p><strong>Annie: </strong>Really?</p><p><strong>Jeff: </strong>…</p><p><strong>Annie:</strong> I’m waiting.</p><p><strong>Jeff: </strong>I don’t know what you want from me.</p><p><strong>Annie:</strong> I don’t want anything.</p><p><strong>Jeff:</strong> Sure you don't. Now I’m waiting.</p><p><strong>Annie:</strong> Fine, I do.</p><p><strong>Jeff: </strong>And that is?</p><p><strong>Annie:</strong> Honesty.</p><p><strong>Jeff:</strong> That’s not exactly my thing.</p><p><strong>Annie:</strong> Could you try?</p><p><strong>Jeff: </strong>I thought we already established that I am.</p><p><strong>Annie:</strong> We did.</p><p><strong>Jeff:</strong> Then I will.</p><p><strong>Annie</strong>: Ok. Agreed.</p><p><strong>Jeff</strong>: I’m not sure what I just agreed to.</p><p><strong>Annie</strong>: You’ll have to figure that out. I’m not the complicated one.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0004"><h2>4. Interdisciplinary Studies</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Jeff begins to confront the reality of change and growing older.</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Episode 5x4 is actually one of my favorites of the season. They all get to engage with the story and each other. Many of the references in my chapter are from the episode itself. </p><p>I intentionally relied on texting in this chapter because I think this would be in character for them, not able to openly talk about what is happening between them. And, just like real texting, there are disconnects in what each of them is trying to communicate.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>He tossed his baby blue hat and coat into the closet as soon as he got in the door. He’d left his other inheritance with Stone. Bottle in hand, he made his way to the kitchen to crack open the one remaining thing of Pierce’s legacy that had value to him. If he didn’t resent Pierce before, he certainly did now. His family was about to take another hit.</p><p>He opened the box, only to find Pierce’s final fuck you to him. A note attached to his bottle of Macallan 40. “Welcome to the club, old man.”</p><p>That bastard just couldn’t resist outing him. First his special box and now this. If he didn’t know better, he’d swear that asshole was still alive, running around town, Abed’s tracker buried in his Lotus life hatch.</p><p>He’d make no apologies for the precious tokens won in the heat of each battle. He’d worked hard for every last one. He might be pushing middle-age, but he surely got more action than Pierce did with his millions. He didn’t get why Pierce still needed to stick it to all of them, even in death. He must have been far more miserable than any of them knew. That was not a road Jeff wished to travel.</p><p>He stashed the bottle high in a cabinet and poured himself a glass of his own scotch. He was just a few glasses away from the contentment he sought. The one he’d had at the bar with Stone and the Study Group did not numb him nearly enough to survive the aftermath of the root canal of his private life.</p><p>It could have been worse, of course, seeing as there was a polygraph involved. Luckily, Pierce’s fixation on his sexuality completely overshadowed any observation he might have made about what was going on between him and Annie. All things being equal, Pierce really confirmed what she probably already thought about him. He was a shallow, womanizing liar. There were worse things he supposed, like being a community college professor.</p><p>Still, he could barely look her in the eye the whole night, and she seemed just as shell-shocked as the rest of them. Maybe it was just too much loss. First Pierce, now Troy.</p><p>Fucking Troy. That kid was brave, despite his overly wrought emotional state, attachment to Clive Owen, and general fixation on surviving the zombie apocalypse with Abed.</p><p>He wondered, if given the chance at Troy’s age, would he have had the balls to sail around the world and find himself. At that time in his life, he was faking his way into law school. Even then, as a younger man, he was terrified of failure. If he cared too much, he had more to lose. Failure stung less when you didn’t work for something. Loss was easier when you never really wanted it. He learned that early in life.</p><p>Well, it was too late to know. Either way, Troy was leaving them. And, he was the only one who could appreciate how bad ass the trophy box really was. He was going to miss that kid, but Abed and Annie would be the ones who were lost without him.</p><p>He realized, once again, he wasn’t there for her. Instead, he was alone and drowning further in his own mortality. Maybe there was something to not going it alone, especially when the safety net he’d created that day in Study Room F, was rapidly growing smaller.</p><p>She was still, there, though. No matter how hard he tried, consciously or not, he couldn’t get her to give up on him. That had to count for something.</p><p>He should probably check on her first, unlike last time, where he hid like a wounded animal. He’d like to think he could still learn something at his age.</p><p>Maybe it was that simple. He didn’t need to make it complicated.</p><p><strong>Jeff</strong>: So am I forgiven yet?</p><p><strong>Annie</strong>: For what?</p><p><strong>Jeff</strong>: Did you want a collated list?</p><p><strong>Annie</strong>: You really know how to sweet talk a girl.</p><p><strong>Jeff</strong>: Is that a yes?</p><p><strong>Annie</strong>: I’m the one that crashed into your Lexus. I’m surprised you’re not mad at me.</p><p><strong>Jeff:</strong> Are you avoiding the question?</p><p><strong>Annie:</strong> No. Not at all.</p><p><strong>Jeff:</strong> So, that means you’re not mad.</p><p><strong>Annie:</strong> Should I be?</p><p><strong>Jeff:</strong> I don’t think so.</p><p><strong>Annie:</strong> Neither do I. Besides, I’m not Britta.</p><p><strong>Jeff</strong>: No, you’re not.</p><p><strong>Annie</strong>: She’ll get over it.</p><p><strong>Jeff</strong>: I’m not sure I will.</p><p><strong>Annie</strong>: Because?</p><p><strong>Jeff</strong>: Some things are private.</p><p><strong>Annie</strong>: They are.</p><p><strong>Jeff</strong>: Like my Netflix account.</p><p><strong>Annie</strong>: Not it.</p><p><strong>Jeff</strong>: Right, like you’re so innocent.</p><p><strong>Annie</strong>: I think we can both agree I’m not.</p><p><strong>Jeff</strong>: Um yeah. Taco truck.</p><p><strong>Annie</strong>: Am I forgiven?</p><p><strong>Jeff</strong>: Maybe.</p><p><strong>Annie</strong>: No fair.</p><p><strong>Jeff: </strong>Yes, it’s just a car.</p><p><strong>Annie:</strong> Who are you and what have you done with Jeff Winger?</p><p><strong>Jeff</strong>: Honestly, I am more intrigued than anything.</p><p><strong>Annie:</strong> I knew it. You’re just trying to placate me.</p><p><strong>Jeff: </strong>No, so much new information about you to process. Not sure where to begin.</p><p><strong>Annie</strong>: I’m afraid to ask.</p><p><strong>Jeff</strong>: Then you probably shouldn’t.</p><p><strong>Annie</strong>: Go ahead. I can take it.</p><p><strong>Jeff:</strong> You said you wanted honesty. I’m trying.</p><p><strong>Annie:</strong> I couldn’t be any more humiliated than I already am.</p><p><strong>Jeff</strong>: Is that some kind of challenge?</p><p><strong>Annie</strong>: No. Play nice.</p><p><strong>Jeff</strong>: A test?</p><p><strong>Annie</strong>: We both know you’d fail.</p><p><strong>Jeff</strong>: Says you.</p><p><strong>Annie</strong>: Are you drinking Pierce’s scotch?</p><p><strong>Jeff</strong>: Is this the first question on my test? What are my options for right answer?</p><p><strong>Annie: </strong>If you have to ask, then you don’t know the right answer.</p><p><strong>Jeff: </strong>Pierce would want me to have it.</p><p><strong>Annie: </strong>Wrong answer.</p><p><strong>Jeff</strong>: No, that’s right. I know that much about him. But, I’m willing to share it.</p><p><strong>Annie</strong>: No thanks.</p><p><strong>Jeff:</strong> Ok, pass then. How about a new question?</p><p><strong>Annie: </strong>Interesting test-taking strategy.</p><p><strong>Jeff: </strong>I know when it’s time to move on.</p><p><strong>Annie: </strong>Yes, you do.</p><p><strong>Jeff: </strong>Next question?</p><p><strong>Annie:</strong> You don’t have one for me?</p><p><strong>Jeff: </strong>I have many.</p><p><strong>Annie: </strong>It was just that one time.</p><p><strong>Jeff: </strong>So you don’t meet guys online often?</p><p><strong>Annie: </strong>Yuck, really?</p><p><strong>Jeff: </strong>Kidding.</p><p><strong>Annie: </strong>You’re not playing fair.</p><p><strong>Jeff: </strong>Come on, you can’t expect me to ignore that one. You’re such a smart girl.</p><p><strong>Annie: </strong>That sounds strangely condescending.</p><p><strong>Jeff: </strong>It’s not meant to be.</p><p><strong>Annie: </strong>I would have thought you’d want to know about the other thing.</p><p><strong>Jeff:</strong> Do you want me to ask?</p><p><strong>Annie:</strong> If you want to know.</p><p><strong>Jeff:</strong> Well?</p><p><strong>Annie:</strong> It was just that one time.</p><p><strong>Jeff:</strong> Promise?</p><p><strong>Annie:</strong> You don’t believe me?</p><p><strong>Jeff: </strong>Taco truck.</p><p><strong>Annie:</strong> I know. For what it’s worth, I am really sorry. I don’t know what came over me.</p><p><strong>Jeff:</strong> You’re talking to someone who faked a degree.</p><p><strong>Annie:</strong> At least you were honest about that from the start.</p><p><strong>Jeff:</strong> Um, certified Spanish tutor?</p><p><strong>Annie:</strong> Still, it took Pierce and a polygraph machine to uncover my lies. At least you did it on your own.</p><p><strong>Jeff: </strong>It’s not in your character to lie in perpetuity.</p><p><strong>Annie:</strong> Are you sure about that?</p><p><strong>Jeff:</strong> Yes.</p><p><strong>Annie:</strong> Is this a test for me?</p><p><strong>Jeff:</strong> No.</p><p><strong>Annie:</strong> You seem so sure of me.</p><p><strong>Jeff:</strong> I am.</p><p><strong>Annie:</strong> I’m not sure I deserve that.</p><p><strong>Jeff: </strong>Why?</p><p><strong>Annie:</strong> I think I proved today I am just as big a liar as you.</p><p><strong>Jeff:</strong> Not possible.</p><p><strong>Annie:</strong> I lied to all of you.</p><p><strong>Jeff:</strong> People lie. It happens.</p><p><strong>Annie:</strong> If that’s true, then why won’t you forgive your own lies?</p><p><strong>Jeff:</strong> How did this become about me?</p><p><strong>Annie:</strong> You always are so sure of me. But, you don’t really know me.</p><p><strong>Jeff:</strong> I want to.</p><p><strong>Annie: </strong>Why?</p><p><strong>Jeff:</strong> Unfair test question.</p><p><strong>Annie: </strong>Ok, then ask me.</p><p><strong>Jeff:</strong> Was it really just that one time?</p><p><strong>Annie: </strong>Yes. That is until recently. Futurza was a dead end for me in more ways than one.</p><p><strong>Jeff: </strong>And you stopped?</p><p><strong>Annie: </strong>Yes.</p><p><strong>Jeff: </strong>How?</p><p><strong>Annie:</strong> I started going to meetings again.</p><p><strong>Jeff:</strong> Good. Does it help?</p><p><strong>Annie: </strong>Yes. It’s important not to isolate yourself.</p><p><strong>Jeff:</strong> Makes sense.</p><p><strong>Annie: </strong>It’s the whole honesty thing.</p><p><strong>Jeff: </strong>What else helps?</p><p><strong>Annie: </strong>Focus. I have to focus on my future.</p><p><strong>Jeff:</strong> Well, then you’re all good.</p><p><strong>Annie: </strong>You think?</p><p><strong>Jeff:</strong> I know.</p><p><strong>Annie: </strong>I wish I was as sure as you.</p><p><strong>Jeff: </strong>One more year at Greendale, and you’ll be on your way.</p><p><strong>Annie: </strong>What if I’m not?</p><p><strong>Jeff:</strong> Not an option on this test.</p><p><strong>Annie: </strong>This is your test, not mine.</p><p><strong>Jeff:</strong> You sure?</p><p><strong>Annie:</strong> Sort of.</p><p><strong>Jeff:</strong> How am I doing so far?</p><p><strong>Annie: </strong>Not bad.</p><p><strong>Jeff:</strong> I have had much time to study.</p><p><strong>Annie: </strong>Have you?</p><p><strong>Jeff:</strong> Years.</p><p><strong>Annie:</strong> That’s a long time to study for something.</p><p><strong>Jeff: </strong>True.</p><p><strong>Annie:</strong> The question wasn’t true or false.</p><p><strong>Jeff: </strong>True is a factual answer.</p><p><strong>Annie: </strong>You can’t fill in the blank on this one with whatever you want.</p><p><strong>Jeff: </strong>You have something against honest answers?</p><p><strong>Annie: </strong>No. But you can’t rewrite history either.</p><p><strong>Jeff: </strong>I’m not.</p><p><strong>Annie: </strong>My facts are different.</p><p><strong>Jeff:</strong> They are the same. You just see them differently.</p><p><strong>Annie: </strong>Easy for you to say.</p><p><strong>Jeff:</strong> Not at all.</p><p><strong>Annie: </strong>It’s getting late.</p><p><strong>Jeff:</strong> Is my test over?</p><p><strong>Annie: </strong>This isn’t a game to me.</p><p><strong>Jeff:</strong> You think I’m playing games?</p><p><strong>Annie</strong>: It would explain your box of toys.</p><p><strong>Jeff: </strong>I knew you were mad.</p><p><strong>Annie</strong>: Why would I be mad?</p><p><strong>Jeff: </strong>You tell me.</p><p><strong>Annie</strong>: I’m not mad.</p><p><strong>Jeff:</strong> Then why bring it up?</p><p><strong>Annie: </strong>Studying, just like you.</p><p><strong>Jeff: </strong>Proceed.</p><p><strong>Annie</strong>: Do you still have it?</p><p><strong>Jeff: </strong>Back to the test?</p><p><strong>Annie</strong>: Do you?</p><p><strong>Jeff: </strong>Yes.</p><p><strong>Annie</strong>: Why?</p><p><strong>Jeff: </strong>Maybe for the same reason you study so much.</p><p><strong>Annie</strong>: Really? You expect me to buy that?</p><p><strong>Jeff: </strong>Believe what you want. At least I know I’m good at something.</p><p><strong>Annie</strong>: You do realize that’s warped.</p><p><strong>Jeff: </strong>No more so than dosing your friends to do well on  a test.</p><p><strong>Annie</strong>: Fair.</p><p><strong>Jeff: </strong>So did I pass?</p><p><strong>Annie:</strong> I have to grade your answers. It could take a while.</p><p><strong>Jeff: </strong>My answers aren’t that complicated.</p><p><strong>Annie</strong>: No, it’s been a long day.</p><p><strong>Jeff:</strong> It has.</p><p><strong>Annie:</strong> I need to get ready for bed.</p><p><strong>Jeff: </strong>I can wait.</p><p><strong>Annie:</strong> I still have to change my clothes.</p><p><strong>Jeff</strong>: Can I have a question about that on my test?</p><p><strong>Annie: </strong>You don’t get to pick the questions.</p><p><strong>Jeff:</strong> Can I pick the answer choices?</p><p><strong>Annie:</strong> Behave.</p><p><strong>Jeff: </strong>Ok. I’ll keep the answers to myself.</p><p><strong>Annie</strong>: Gave up that easy. Typical.</p><p><strong>Jeff: </strong>So it’s a fill-in-the-blank question, then?</p><p><strong>Annie:</strong> You think you’ve studied enough to handle that?</p><p><strong>Jeff</strong>: Specific to you. No. But I may have studied in my time.</p><p><strong>Annie:</strong> You’ve already eliminated one possible answer.</p><p><strong>Jeff: </strong>I did? When?</p><p><strong>Annie: </strong>In the study room.</p><p><strong>Jeff:</strong> That was hyperbole. I was trying to make a point.</p><p><strong>Annie:</strong> I only work in facts.</p><p><strong>Jeff: </strong>What I meant was past naked women.</p><p><strong>Annie:</strong> Can’t change your answers. That’s cheating.</p><p><strong>Jeff:</strong> My answers are relative.</p><p><strong>Annie:</strong> To what?</p><p><strong>Jeff:</strong> Context. Right now, I have no one else to look at but myself.</p><p><strong>Annie: </strong>So, should I include the answer choice on my test or not?</p><p><strong>Jeff:</strong> Definitely. So, there’s more than one right answer then?</p><p><strong>Annie</strong>: Depends.</p><p><strong>Jeff:</strong> On what?</p><p><strong>Annie:</strong> I am partial to all of the above.</p><p><strong>Jeff</strong>: Oh, a trick question. Those are my favorite.</p><p><strong>Annie</strong>: See, you do like games.</p><p><strong>Jeff</strong>: I’m very good at them.</p><p><strong>Annie</strong>: Yes, you are. But so am I.</p><p><strong>Jeff</strong>: Competition is good.</p><p><strong>Annie</strong>: I couldn’t agree more.</p><p><strong>Jeff</strong>: See, I’m a quick study.</p><p><strong>Annie</strong>: Not that quick. Years, remember?</p><p><strong>Jeff</strong>: I needed those years.</p><p><strong>Annie</strong>: Why?</p><p><strong>Jeff</strong>: You’re better at math than that.</p><p><strong>Annie</strong>: This isn’t about math.</p><p><strong>Jeff</strong>: Nope, there’s some psychology at play.</p><p><strong>Annie</strong>: I suppose.</p><p><strong>Jeff</strong>: And ethics.</p><p><strong>Annie</strong>: I’m sure you believe that.</p><p><strong>Jeff: </strong>100%.</p><p><strong>Annie</strong>: That’s convenient for you.</p><p><strong>Jeff:</strong> Not really. Remember the type of lawyer I was?</p><p><strong>Annie</strong>: Ethics are malleable.</p><p><strong>Jeff: </strong>Yours aren’t.</p><p><strong>Annie:</strong> Um, how much scotch have you had again?</p><p><strong>Jeff: </strong>One lapse in judgement does not equal a lack of a moral compass.</p><p><strong>Annie:</strong> And, you are bad at math. It was more than one lie.</p><p><strong>Jeff:</strong> Point taken. Poor math skills  are not as egregious as a  lack of morals.</p><p><strong>Annie:</strong> According to you. The one without a compass, right?</p><p><strong>Jeff: </strong>It’s in process.</p><p><strong>Annie:</strong> This conversation suggests otherwise.</p><p><strong>Jeff:</strong> That would be true if you’d let me provide the answers to your last question.</p><p><strong>Annie: </strong>Too late, I already changed. Your answers are moot.</p><p><strong>Jeff: </strong>No fair. I didn’t know there was a time limit.</p><p><strong>Annie: </strong>I play to win.</p><p><strong>Jeff: </strong>This game can have two winners.</p><p><strong>Annie: </strong>Maybe. If you can get past the math.</p><p><strong>Jeff:</strong> Or ethics?</p><p><strong>Annie:</strong> What about the psychology?</p><p><strong>Jeff: </strong>That will have to wait.</p><p><strong>Annie:</strong> On what?</p><p><strong>Jeff:</strong> On less scotch.</p><p><strong>Annie:</strong> Seems like the ethics are moving in the right direction then.</p><p><strong>Jeff:</strong> Maybe, but the math won’t change.</p><p><strong>Annie: </strong>No. That’s never been an issue for me.</p><p><strong>Jeff: </strong>It’s sort of mixed up with the ethics for me.</p><p><strong>Annie:</strong> I get that.</p><p><strong>Jeff: </strong>I’m not sure you do.</p><p><strong>Annie:</strong> Tests work both ways.</p><p><strong>Jeff:</strong> I’m not sure you’re ready for this test.</p><p><strong>Annie: </strong>How do you know?</p><p><strong>Jeff:</strong> Because I’m not ready.</p><p><strong>Annie:</strong> Will you let me know when you are?</p><p><strong>Jeff:</strong> Yes.</p><p><strong>Annie</strong>: Promise.</p><p><strong>Jeff</strong>: Yes.</p><p><strong>Annie</strong>: I think I should go.</p><p><strong>Jeff</strong>: Me too.</p><p><strong>Annie</strong>: Good night.</p><p><strong>Jeff</strong>: Night, Annie.</p><p>He couldn’t be sure what their exchange was all about because he had been talking to his scotch a good hour before he even started with her. But, shit, he knew exactly what he wanted it to mean. He was entering dangerous territory, and he had no map. Maybe it was the scotch. Maybe it was her.</p><p>With the group, she seemed scandalized by his trophy-hunting habit. But, with just him, she didn’t seem to really care. Maybe she wasn’t what he thought. The Disneyland thing really threw him. But right now, he was so torqued up, he didn’t even care. He would gladly go to the happiest place on earth if he could figure out which version of her was reality and which was just in his head.</p><p>His unconscious brain would have to sort that out for now. He needed sleep after the last week. He also needed to dry out.</p><p>No more scotch for him until he got a better handle on things. A functioning but drunken almost 40-year-old, failed lawyer and community-college professor was not much of a match for her otherwise.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0005"><h2>5. Basic Gaming for Adults</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>The Study Group plays an intense game.</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>I noticed in the real 5x5 episode, Jeff and Annie seemed much more familiar and comfortable. I’m building off of my last chapter, where they play safely behind their phones, which start to bleed into their game playing abilities.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>He hated it when Britta was right. He was still not ready to think about Troy leaving. He had his reasons, both superficial and otherwise. Besides, he was the one member left in the Study Group that did actual man things once in a while. There was Duncan, too, but he could only stand so much soccer. Even Pierce had more diversity in his sports watching repetoire than his drunken bar mate.</p><p>So when the morning call came, his inner child was happy to oblige Abed. Once again, Greendale was their playground, and he aimed to make the most of it. Almost as soon at the countdown started, he was ready to engage in classic avoidance behavior. That was his default anyway. Dodging his teaching duties was a no-brainer.</p><p>No question who would be best to partner with if he wanted to play to win. He grabbed her hand, as Abed’s voice rang out through the halls. “Come on, teacher’s lounge.” A smile spread wide across her face. Without hesitation, she let him pull her along.</p><p>The chaos in the halls slowed them down. They didn’t make it far before things got dicey. “Jeff, look out!”</p><p>Before he could even turn around, she was tossing her body in front of him, hip-checking Starburns off of the bench they claimed. “Hey, no fair!” Holy crap, she meant business.</p><p>“Tough luck, Starburns.” He was seriously glad he teamed up with her.</p><p>“It’s Alex, ok?”</p><p>“Whatever, dude.” One less douche bag in the game was just fine by him.</p><p>Starburns huffed away, muttering under his breath, before he turned back. He always had to have the last word with Jeff. “Next time, be a man. Don’t use your tiny piece to do your dirty work, Winger.”</p><p>“What the hell, man?” He was about to jump off the bench, to do what exactly he wasn’t sure. Two hands grabbed him and held him back with impressive strength.</p><p>“Stop, Jeff. Focus on the game.” Coming down the hall were two students with cushions taped to their feet. He was pretty sure that was not regulation, but they didn’t seem to care. “We need to ditch this bench so we can find some other way to move around.”</p><p>He took in their immediate surroundings. Lockers were directly across, and a couple of chairs on the other side of them. The approaching students had no need for their bench, so they just kept going. But it gave him an idea. He clearly had the longest limbs, so it was up to him to get them out of this situation.</p><p>“Ok, I’m going to need you to climb on my back and hang on like a backpack.”</p><p>“Oh-kay,” she answered, drawing out her response, tone a little unsure. “Why?”</p><p>“Just trust me, ok?” He probably should have thought about what it would feel like to have her follow that direction. But, his desire to win clouded his normally stellar judgement.</p><p>“So, just like, climb on your back?” He stooped down in front of her, leaning forward, so she didn’t have to jump off of a bench that was barely a foot wide.</p><p>“Yup, and then wrap around me like backpack.” She put her arms around his neck, and the first thing he felt was the soft curve of her breasts drag over his back as she latched on. Shit. He was already distracted, and they hadn’t even gotten off the bench yet. They were going to get taken out in the first 5 minutes.</p><p>“Ok? Like this?” Her voice was a little shaky.</p><p>“Just hold on tight. I’m going to stand up, just wrap your legs around me when your feet aren’t touching anymore.” He wanted to believe he could finesse this more easily, given the amount of weight he could press at the gym. But, he was also operating with little space and some thoughts that could only be described as unproductive given the circumstances.</p><p>“Now what?” He needed to adjust for a moment. He was struggling already with the feel of her strapped to him and the tightening in his pants. He tried to stave off that activity by imagining being trapped in a bunker with Abed and Troy as his only companions during a zombie attack.</p><p>“Um, I want to get us over to those lockers and then the chairs. We can use them to move around the building and find a place to hunker down. The teacher’s lounge may already be compromised, but there is a space off the back that stays locked. And I have keys.” Yeah, this was a great plan, driven by his second brain’s instinct. But she didn’t need to know that.</p><p>“See,” he could hear the smugness in her voice already. “Not so bad to be a professor after all, is it?”</p><p>“Annie, I think most real schools aren’t playing grown-up Hot Lava in the middle of the day. They are probably doing something more important, like holding classes and educating students.”</p><p>“Careful, Jeff, you’re starting to sound like a real professor.” She bounced up and down on his back a little, in concert with her taunting words. It was not an unpleasant feeling, but it was certainly not helping execute on his plan. He was, however, even more motivated to get out of this hallway.</p><p>“I can drop you off this bench right now into the lava, you know?” Of course, he wouldn’t do that. This was already more fun than teaching his class. Well, most things were when she was involved. But, this was better.</p><p>“You wouldn’t do that. Then you’d be all alone.” Her voice syrupy sweet, continued to egg him on.</p><p>Instead of acknowledging her, he worked out his next move. He kneeled down on the bench, which threw her a little, so she clutched him around his neck. “I wouldn’t, huh?”</p><p>“Fine, but you need to play fair with me, too. I thought this was an alliance.”</p><p>“Don’t worry. Just, hold on, ok?” She responded by tightening her legs around him. He was close to losing his balance, now, as he felt the numbness start to spread where she clung to him. He inhaled quickly, trying to rush oxygen to his upper brain.</p><p>He needed to make this quick, or he couldn’t be responsible for what happened next. All he needed to do was get the bench to move closer to the lockers, and he could jump for it. He wrapped his hands around either side of the bench and just did a test pull, trying to shift it away from the wall. It moved pretty easily but minimally.</p><p>At this rate, it would take too long to move them. It was only a matter of time before someone came by and took them out. “Do you want a suggestion?” Her voice close to his ear now in this position.</p><p>“I’m listening.” It was kind of hard not to. It literally sounded like her voice was in his head.</p><p>“I’d say, if you could move us maybe half a foot more, you could just toss me.”</p><p>“Are you serious?”</p><p>“Yeah, why not?”</p><p>“Because, if I wanted to eliminate you from the game, I wouldn’t throw you.” He had to bury the real reason. “Plus, if it doesn’t work or you get hurt, then I have to leave the game.”</p><p>“So what’s your plan, then? Because at this rate, this is going to take too long to get us to those chairs.” Well, at least they both were thinking the same way. He wasn’t surprised.</p><p>“I plan to climb onto the lockers and then get to the chairs.”</p><p>“You do realize that I will likely have better success at that because I’m smaller.”</p><p>“No, my arms and legs are longer, so I can get to them easier.”</p><p>“Yes, but you weigh more. What if you pull the lockers over on yourself? Then, I’ll have to leave the game if <em>you</em> get hurt.” They really were an amazing team, perfectly in sync.</p><p>“I wasn’t planning on latching onto the front. I was going to pull myself up the side.”</p><p>“Jeff, there’s no way we have time for that. So, if you won’t toss me onto the chairs, then let’s bring them to us.” He felt one of her arms let go of his neck, her hand snaked down his back, reaching for his waist line. Her fingers meandered aimlessly, until he felt them slipping beneath the band of his jeans. He jerked on instinct, almost knocking them both off the bench.</p><p>“Hey!” She stiffened a little in reaction to his tone of his voice.</p><p>“Sorry, I probably should have just asked.” Well, he didn’t really mind that much. He might even welcome it if they were somewhere, anywhere, but here. “Are you wearing a belt today?” He tried not to be offended by her question. Someone with his dimensions needed a belt to hold up his pants.</p><p>But, like always, she had a good idea. “Ok, new plan, I need you to get off my back.” He slid backward, trying not to upend them both. He started to unbuckle his belt. If he was going to take off his pants around a woman, he wished it wasn’t under these conditions. But they had already wasted a shit ton of time.  Because he likely weighed twice as much as she did, but had longer arms, this was going to be tricky.</p><p>“Jeff, I don’t think we should invest more time moving the bench. Let’s just push it with our feet, slowly away from the wall.” He studied the wall and surrounding features available to them. The doorjamb around the next classroom was probably no more than 2 feet away.</p><p>“Absolutely, but, let’s push at an angle, so I can reach that door and pull us further down and closer to the chairs.” Her eyes lit up with excitement, as their collective minds had figured it out. They both turned around, putting their feet on the wall. With the differential in the length of their legs, it only took 3 coordinated pushes for him to reach inside the door and pull them another foot or more. Now they were almost directly across from the chairs.</p><p>“Oh, my God, Jeff. That was amazing!” He may have blacked out for a second when those words reached his inner id. But he had the wherewithal to recover and raise his hand for a high-five instead. Celebration was in order, but they weren’t quite out of danger yet.</p><p>“I am pretty sure I can jump to the chair, but it’s risky because they are small.”</p><p>“So why don’t I do it?” He didn’t want to admit that he was still worried she’d hurt herself. This was just a game, after all, he’d rather not risk it.</p><p>“Let’s just see if I truly have any cowboy skills. You know my outfits aren’t completely for show.” Cocking her head to the right, her eyebrows drawn up, she looked less than impressed.</p><p>“You get 3 tries. If you don’t get it, then it’s my turn. Deal?”</p><p>He stuck his hand out. She gripped it, a firm handshake followed. Now the pressure was on for sure. His first attempt missed the chair all together. He could hear her muffled giggle. “You are trying to break my concentration.”</p><p>“Stop, now why would I do that?” she replied full of faux innocence. Sure, she wasn’t competitive at all.</p><p>Second time, he landed the buckle on the seat. Third time, he tried to get fancy, and he almost lost the belt all together.</p><p>“My turn.” He did not mistake the humor in her voice. Her first attempt was similar to his. Second one, she aimed for the foot of the chair and connected. Last try, she caught the buckle just at the right angle. The leg was caught between space where the leather and metal met. She pulled the chair lightly, and it moved. But not much. But she kept at it, pulling just millimeters at a time. Her arm had to be getting tired.</p><p>Why didn’t he think of this sooner? “Annie, don’t move for a few seconds, ok?”</p><p>Her voice was a bit strained with exhaustion. “Ok.”</p><p>He deftly slinked down the bench until it started to tip under his weight. Extending his leg as far as he could, he pushed off the wall one last time, moving them closer to the chairs. “Now, start pulling again.” Within seconds, she had enough leverage on it that the chair fell into the middle of the hall.</p><p>“Jeff, we did it!” Like there was any doubt? Yeah, who would have thought this was an accomplishment. But, it was pretty satisfying teaming up with her again.</p><p>“Hang on little lady. Let me get in there and finish the job.” She just snorted, looking over her shoulder at him.</p><p>“Jeff, don’t ruin it. Your cowboy phase is so 3 years ago.”</p><p>“We’ll see about that.” He grabbed her shoulders and pulled her into a seated position in front of him. He didn’t want to waste any more time trying to rebalance them so they didn’t topple the bench. So he positioned her between his legs, pulling her flush into his chest. “You ok?”</p><p>She was quiet, holding completely still. “Um,” he could feel her chest expand with each intake of breath. “Yup, just fine,” her voice an octave higher than normal. </p><p>If anyone came down the hallway at this point, he was pretty sure this would not look like two adults playing a game of Hot Lava. But this was Greendale, so, did it really matter? He stuck his foot out as far as it would go, his heel getting close enough to hook and drag the chair toward them with one quick pull. Two more tugs, and it was near enough she could reach out and grab it.</p><p>“Holy, crap, we did it.” He was breathing pretty hard, and his heart was racing. He was suddenly aware of the last time he was this close to her for this long. It had been years since that night. The memory was clear and familiar, including the way his body reacted to her. That was not even a remotely helpful thought to be having.</p><p>“You sound like you had doubts.” He didn’t. They were attuned to each other for as long as he could remember, without even having to try.</p><p>“We’re both really good at games, remember?”</p><p>Her head moved up and down in front of him. From far away, he heard an odd sound. Her head snapped abruptly in the direction of the muted din of voices. “Hurry, Jeff,” she forced though a whisper. He pushed himself away from her, but he could still feel the shape of her between his legs. Maybe he did want the game to end.</p><p>In a few quick motions, he had the other chair and pushed one her way. “We’re not that far from the teacher’s lounge, but we’ll have to get moving.” Once she was on her chair, he hooked his feet beneath it and pulled her as close as he could. “Alright, looks like we are going to have to create the world’s shortest centipede situation.”</p><p>Her head tracked toward the growing sound, just down the hall. “Centipede?”</p><p>He didn’t wait to see the source of the noise. He pulled her to her feet and onto his chair. They were so close on that minimal square of plastic, that it was obscene. That is if you were in his head, a dangerous place with a high-speed connection to the brain in his pants. He tried to imagine the lava was real and that their lives literally depended on him.</p><p>“Quick, move onto the next chair.” He brought the one they just vacated to the side of the new one, repeating the pattern, until they were making their way down the hallway with as much expediency as possible.</p><p>He tried to ignore the very real fact that for the better part of 10 minutes, he’d been in myriad positions of full-body contact with her. His adrenaline was a heady cocktail of childish competition, spiked with enough Annie to compromise his thinking brain for hours to come. A locked space at Greendale seemed like a great way to stay in this game longer. Now, however, it just seemed like a necessity to hold his sanity together.</p><p>~*~</p><p>She was dirty, sweaty, and totally bad ass. It has been more than 2 hours, and they had fended off two bands of locker boys, Chang’s math club, and a couple of cheerleaders who had some skills. But, he was with her, and she took care of those spirited women without incident. He tried to forget that whole scene in general because his brain shorted out when he saw her do that high kick. He was still recovering but glad to have that image stored in his unconscious memory for later.</p><p>The teacher’s lounge was ransacked. They were both starving and tired, having lost their chairs during the last detour to get there. If it wasn’t for Troy and Abed rescuing them from Todd and his troop of high-steppers, they’d be out of the game by now. That guy needed a new gambit. Crying got him no where when Troy and Abed were defending the sacred ground of the pay phone bench.</p><p>They both collapsed on the couch. “Why don’t you rest, and I’ll be the lookout?” She’d definitely earned the first break. His hope of getting her behind a locked door was all Greendale-induced fantasy at this point. Like most of these episodes, this one had gone entirely too far. Doors, windows, furniture – it was all fair game. The teacher’s lounge was just as vulnerable as any place. So, there would be no rest for them.</p><p>She stretched out on the couch, yawning a little. “You must be just as tired as I am. Chang’s always been pretty good at organizing a crew. If it wasn’t for you, we’d have been out hours ago.” Maybe that wouldn’t have been a bad thing. The more time they spent conquering the enemy, the more invested he became in staying in the game – with her. But there were better games to play than this one.</p><p>“I am, but we need to give Troy the send-off he deserves.” Now that there was quiet time, he couldn’t hide from the reason they were spending an entire day walking on the property of Greendale. The family was losing another member, and no one wanted to confront that reality. Or, the inevitability that they were all growing up, even though theoretically they were all adults. Britta would probably wet herself if she knew he was thinking like a grown man for once. It didn’t happen very often.</p><p>Eyes closed, she curled up small on the other end of the couch, yawning again. “Do you ever think about who might go next?” Shit, now she was in his head, too.</p><p>“No. Why would any of us need to leave?” He could feel his stomach turn, even though he knew it was possible. Unavoidable. “Do you secretly know another millionaire who is going to die from jerking off and leave you millions of dollars?”</p><p>Her eyes opened, and a soft smile washed over her face. “I’m not leaving, Jeff.” She stretched her leg out, touching her shoe against his leg. “Are you?”</p><p>He let his head fall back, staring up at the ceiling. He was tired, and maybe slightly delirious, because he answered honestly. “Where would I even go, Annie?”</p><p>She rolled over on her back, propping her feet up on the couch. “You can go anywhere you want. We all can.” If he wasn’t feeling anxious before, he was now.</p><p>He gripped the underside of one ankle, pulling it toward him. She took the hint and laid both her legs across his lap. He rested one hand on her, holding on as he spoke.</p><p>“You’ll leave here someday, Annie. I know you will.” That was absolutely the best thing for her. What did she have here anyway? “I, on the other hand, have never even left Colorado. And probably never will.”</p><p>Out of the corner of his eye, he saw her body shift. She reclaimed her legs from their position and folded them close into her body.</p><p>“Jeff,” her voice tinged with sadness now, willed him to face her. The red emergency lights that darkened their space did nothing to dull those eyes. “I don’t want to leave.” He wanted to believe her. The heart that held her more years than he would admit wanted to as well. But he knew better.</p><p>“Not yet, but you will. Everyone leaves, eventually, Annie.” She just stared at him, opening and closing her eyelids with increased frequency, until she lay her head against her knees, hiding from his view.</p><p>There was a loud crash, and the lights flickered a few times. But she didn’t even move. “I wish you had more faith in people, Jeff,” her voice a bit ragged. “You don’t even know what I want.”</p><p>She was right. And he was too much of a coward to ask. He always was when it came to her. Nothing had changed in the 5 years he’d known her. “I know you’re going to kick ass outside of Greendale, if that’s what you want.” No response, but her shoulders rose and fell, as she inhaled a few long breaths.</p><p>She lifted her head, resting her chin on her knees. Her eyes shone bright in that crazy Greendale light, piercing him like a shot to the head. “And what about you?”</p><p>Voices could be heard in the distance. He held up his hand to quiet her.</p><p>“Shh.” He pushed himself up, motioning for her to follow. Just around the corner were Duncan and Britta. He pulled her closer, leaning over to whisper in her ear.</p><p>“Can you get me that pillow?”</p><p>~*~</p><p>He was tired, sore, and ready to unwind with a long overdue glass of scotch. Both of them limped a little, as they headed to their cars. It was dark now, and his competitive drive ended with both of them dying by Britta’s hand. Once she started playing, Britta certainly committed. It was nice to see that again.</p><p>She was deathly quiet for most of the walk, shedding her make-shift bandana as they traveled through the parking lot. The game was over.</p><p>“You ok,” he asked, breaking the silence.</p><p>“Nothing a hot bath won’t cure.”</p><p>He wouldn’t mind running her a hot bath, bubbles and all. Instead, she’d have to make due with a compliment. “You earned it for sure. It’s been a while since we played this epic of a game. I forgot how tough you are.”</p><p>“Not tough enough, I guess,” shoving the now destroyed necktie in her bag.</p><p>“Annie, we only made it as far as we did because of you.” It was true. That last move, where she got taken out, was all her. She trusted him enough that she became his human sling shot, annihilating 6 guys at once. If he ever needed to hire an assassin, he was sure she’d be up to the task.</p><p>“Whatever, Jeff,” ignoring his praise. “You seemed very concerned with keeping Britta in the game today.”</p><p>They always formed alliances. What was she getting at? “We always do that, Annie. Just because Britta turned on us, doesn’t mean the Study Group doesn’t try to play as one.”</p><p>“Mmm, hmm. You said it.”</p><p>“Huh?” He was getting too old for this shit. Greendale games lacked the folly of the early years. She couldn’t really be that mad they lost. They’d had fun together, at least he thought they did. They needed to blow off some steam with everything that happened this year.</p><p>“You always make sure that Britta makes it to the end of the game with you. I guess this time, it didn’t work out to your benefit.”</p><p>“That’s just part of the Greendale gaming experience, Annie,” disregarding her callback to years past. She wasn’t wrong, but it wasn’t relevant now. She had to know that.</p><p>“Well it’s nothing new when it come to the two of you. I’m always the third wheel at the end.”</p><p>He knew she was competitive, but this was something else of course. However, he was in no shape to get into it with her now. “Annie, did you really think you’d win?”</p><p>“I thought maybe, if we stuck together, it was possible.” She must be tired because he was pretty sure they spent most of the day working together. So closely together, that it was likely he wouldn’t get to sleep without working one of those scenarios through to his satisfaction.</p><p>He abruptly stopped walking, but she kept going. “Annie,” his voice slightly pleading. His exhaustion was showing. “But we did stay together.”</p><p>She didn’t stop. She just kept walking, rooting around in her bag for her keys, focused on opening her car. She wrenched the door open, tossing her bag in. He caught up to her then.</p><p>“Did we, Jeff?” This didn’t sound like a question, just a statement of some assumption that she had in her head.</p><p>“I’m sorry I let you down, Annie. I played the best game I had.”</p><p>She paused for a moment, before she got into her car. “I’m tired. And, I still have to plan something for Troy’s party next week.”</p><p>He nodded his head slowly, grabbing the door handle to shut it for her. “I had fun today, though. I hope you did, too.”</p><p>She smiled softly. “I always have fun with you. Good night, Jeff.”</p><p>“Drive safe, ok?” She bobbed her head in affirmation.</p><p>He closed the door for her, and he watched her car lights until he couldn’t see them anymore.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0006"><h2>6. Rules of Engagement</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Jeff and Annie begin to find their way after the loss of Pierce and Troy.</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>There was a different vibe post episode 5x5. So I started it in my last chapter and stuck with it. </p><p>This is where the real season 5 starts to move away from J/A. So I tried to work canon in to my story with some authenticity. But I had to take more creative license for it to make sense with where I want it to end.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>He wasn’t sure how he ended up on the dance committee. It was not his finest moment, making decorations as directed by Chang. In fact, it was a low point that he couldn’t quite reconcile with sarcasm. A drink was the only thing that would help. He slipped into his office, having brought a bottle from home. At least he’d had the foresight to bring it with him. He must have known he’d need it.</p><p>It was early, and he still had decorating to do. So he should probably take it easy. Shit, when did he become someone’s party planning bitch? But she needed help, and he wanted to make it up to her. It was obvious, even to him, that something had changed between them since the game. Almost overnight.</p><p>The texting had ceased in frequency and length. He didn’t realize he’d come to rely on “talking” to her so much. In turn, she seemed to intensify her efforts to save Greendale, deciding her time was better spent on this place than him. She validated his suspicions when she distributed the novel-sized list that got him here to begin with. He had to give it to her, when she committed, she was all in.</p><p>When she triumphantly ticked off her first to-do on the wall of the Study Room, her hand broke through, releasing a fucking bird. The quiet despair that took over her face made him that much more determined to make this the best of all 7 dances this year. Yes, there were that many now, and for some reason he was dedicated to getting this right.</p><p>As much as he hated extra work, at this point, he’d spend his day cutting out animal shapes if it showed her he was reliable. He’d certainly blown it in the lava game. Maybe he didn’t understand the rules. He was used to making the rules, not following them. But here he was playing by hers, even though he wasn’t entirely sure what they were.</p><p>He downed the last of his drink, put the glass and bottle back in the drawer, and returned to the cafeteria. It couldn’t be that hard to decorate for a dance.</p><p>~*~</p><p>True to form, the Fat Dog Dance ended like it started. Tears, fighting, and generalized Greendale anarchy. Shortly after he pulled her off one of the dean’s henchmen, she disappeared from the dance. His attempt to make it up to her backfired in the most spectacular way. He could blame Chang for it, but that sort of missed the point he was trying to make in the first place.</p><p>He thought about apologizing, but that was losing its effectiveness.  It was not easy to pull her off that guy’s back. It took him and Duncan to get her under control. He was fairly sure there was some anger displacement going on with her. And if he was a betting man, he’d guess it was largely his fault.</p><p>Normally, he’d want to duck and cover, avoid her disapproval. Instead, he needed to confront it.</p><p>True to form, she was more mature than he was, beating him to it.</p><p><strong>Annie:</strong> I wish you’d let me handle the dean on my own tonight.</p><p><strong>Jeff: </strong>You seemed pretty upset. I was only trying to help.</p><p><strong>Annie:</strong> I had a tough day.</p><p><strong>Jeff: </strong>Not as tough as those kids at the birthday party.</p><p><strong>Annie: </strong>Is everything a joke to you?</p><p><strong>Jeff: </strong>No. Just most things are not that serious.</p><p><strong>Annie: </strong>Right, you’re above it all.</p><p><strong>Jeff: </strong>At Greendale, yes, I try to be.</p><p><strong>Annie: </strong>I forgot, you’re the wise one. I’m the newb.</p><p><strong>Jeff: </strong>We’re just different.</p><p><strong>Annie: </strong>Whatever.</p><p><strong>Jeff: </strong>Very mature of you.</p><p><strong>Annie: </strong>I know my audience.</p><p><strong>Jeff: </strong>Ouch.</p><p><strong>Annie: </strong>Truth hurts.</p><p><strong>Jeff:</strong> Something like that.</p><p><strong>Annie: </strong>No, it does. Whether we like or not.</p><p><strong>Jeff:</strong> Which is why I generally avoid it.</p><p><strong>Annie: </strong>Except with me.</p><p><strong>Jeff:</strong> No, with you, too.</p><p><strong>Annie: </strong>Now, you’re just lying to yourself.</p><p><strong>Jeff:</strong> If that’s what you want to believe.</p><p><strong>Annie: </strong>I don’t lie to myself. Not anymore.</p><p><strong>Jeff:</strong> Maybe not on purpose.</p><p><strong>Annie: </strong>I see you’re taking lessons from Britta.</p><p><strong>Jeff: </strong>No. I just pay attention.</p><p><strong>Annie: </strong>Sure you do.</p><p><strong>Jeff:</strong> I do.</p><p><strong>Annie: </strong>Well you can stop.</p><p><strong>Jeff: </strong>If that’s what you want.</p><p><strong>Annie</strong>: It is.</p><p><strong>Jeff</strong>: Fine. Be that way.</p><p>He wasn’t sure, but this might be their first real fight. Well, with the exception of that time she punched him. After that particular episode, she called him gross and avoided him for a while. He wasn’t really going for more of that. This time was different.</p><p>Still, he had no earthly clue what to do to get past this. The line was always shifting with her. For so long, he drew and held the line as best he could. For the first time, ever, the line was drawing itself. He couldn’t control it. Maybe he didn’t want to anymore.</p><p><strong>Annie</strong>: What way?</p><p><strong>Jeff</strong>: Don’t make me say something I’ll regret.</p><p><strong>Annie</strong>: You can say whatever you want.</p><p><strong>Jeff</strong>: No.</p><p><strong>Annie</strong>: I can take it.</p><p><strong>Jeff</strong>: I’m not sure I can.</p><p><strong>Annie</strong>: Don’t do that.</p><p><strong>Jeff</strong>: What?</p><p><strong>Annie</strong>: Play with my mind.</p><p><strong>Jeff</strong>: Is that what you think I’m doing?</p><p><strong>Annie</strong>: That’s what I know you’re doing.</p><p><strong>Jeff</strong>: You’re wrong.</p><p><strong>Annie</strong>: Then I don’t have enough information to be right.</p><p><strong>Jeff</strong>: No, you don’t.</p><p><strong>Annie</strong>: I’m waiting.</p><p><strong>Jeff</strong>: For what?</p><p><strong>Annie</strong>: You to give me the right information.</p><p><strong>Jeff</strong>: I know.</p><p><strong>Annie</strong>: It’s getting harder to wait.</p><p><strong>Jeff</strong>: I know.</p><p><strong>Annie</strong>: I’m not sure you do.</p><p><strong>Jeff</strong>: No, I really do.</p><p><strong>Annie</strong>: I’m starting to wonder if you think I’ll wait forever.</p><p><strong>Jeff</strong>: I don’t expect that.</p><p><strong>Annie</strong>: You shouldn’t. I won’t.</p><p><strong>Jeff</strong>: I know that.</p><p><strong>Annie</strong>: I don’t believe you.</p><p><strong>Jeff</strong>: That’s fair.</p><p><strong>Annie</strong>: None of this is fair. I have to go.</p><p><strong>Jeff</strong>: I’m sorry.</p><p><strong>Annie</strong>: No you’re not.</p><p><strong>Jeff</strong>: I am.</p><p><strong>Annie</strong>: Not sorry enough.</p><p><strong>Jeff</strong>: You don’t know that.</p><p><strong>Annie</strong>: Years, remember?</p><p><strong>Jeff</strong>: I am aware of the years.</p><p><strong>Annie</strong>: Right, you’re good at math now.</p><p><strong>Jeff</strong>: No, I’m still not.</p><p><strong>Annie</strong>: The math hasn’t changed.</p><p><strong>Jeff</strong>: No, it really hasn’t.</p><p><strong>Annie</strong>: It never will.</p><p><strong>Jeff</strong>: No, it won’t.</p><p><strong>Annie</strong>: Then you need to figure out the right equation for you.</p><p><strong>Jeff</strong>: So do you.</p><p><strong>Annie</strong>: No, this is you. Not me.</p><p><strong>Jeff</strong>: It’s both of us.</p><p><strong>Annie</strong>: Not anymore.</p><p><strong>Jeff</strong>: What does that mean?</p><p><strong>Annie</strong>: I need a break, Jeff.</p><p><strong>Jeff</strong>: For how long?</p><p><strong>Annie</strong>: Aren’t you good with math now? You figure it out.</p><p>He tried to keep it going, but she ignored his subsequent messages. If that’s what she wanted, he wasn’t going to fight it. He had little fight left in him, and he certainly wasn’t going to waste it on a losing hand. And that’s what he was, right?</p><p>There was no way they could both be winners. No matter how much she tried or he gave in, their life experiences would never equal a winning hand. Sometimes, the numbers are stacked against you.</p><p>So he did the one thing he was sure he could. He folded and left the table.</p><p>~*~</p><p>She went quiet after his half-hearted attempt at the mid-term dance. So when she popped into his office suddenly, he was glad to see her. He was actually working up his lecture notes, making him look even better than normal. Not that she noticed.</p><p>“Is Professor Hickey around?”</p><p>Her lack of greeting suggested she was less than impressed with him doing his actual job. “Hi, Annie, good to see you, too.”</p><p>She attempted a forced smile. “So, I’ll take that as a no.”</p><p>“That would be right. I think he has a class now.”</p><p>“Can you give him a message for me?” This is what he’d been reduced to now. Super.</p><p>“There’s this thing called email,” he answered tersely, going back to his work.</p><p>“I just wanted to tell him thank you, for fixing the corkboard. I guess you’re too busy to be bothered. Shocker.”</p><p>“Wait, so Hickey gets a thank you for putting a few screws in the wall. But, you’ve gone radio silent on me for breaking up that fight you were in at the dance.”</p><p>“I didn’t ask you to do that, Jeff. I told you I can handle myself.”</p><p>“Fine, I’ll make sure to give your new bestie the message.”</p><p>“Are you jealous of Professor Hickey, now?”</p><p>Was he? No. Well, maybe?</p><p>Hickey and Annie were arch enemies not so long ago and now Jeff was on the outside. He’d given up an entire day of his life to adorn the crappy cafeteria with makeshift bears, dogs, or whatever the fuck they were. And, all he got out of it was yet another pointless Greendale dance.</p><p>“That’s absurd.” Everything here was ridiculous here, including her right now. “Besides, I thought you hated him.”</p><p>“He’s actually turned out to be a productive member of the committee. I tend to give people second chances. You, of all people, should know that about me.” She’d given him more than that. “Plus, he seems to take an interest in making this place better, unlike some people.”</p><p>She sure knew how to call it like she saw it. But, he wasn’t biting. If Hickey could turn himself around in her eyes, then he must have done something to impress her. “I’ll give him the message,” he muttered under his breath.</p><p>“That’s so big of you, Jeff.” She left the way she came in, without even a simple hello or goodbye.</p><p>~*~</p><p>When Hickey showed up later, Jeff had mostly let it go. Mostly. It didn’t hurt that he’d broken into the scotch in his desk.</p><p>In general, they didn’t spend much time in this space together. Neither of them really felt the need to engage in collegial small talk.</p><p>“You’re here later than normal,” Hickey observed, as he flipped on his desk lamp.</p><p>He didn’t look up from his work, but quickly did his duty as he promised. “Annie came by and asked me to give you a message.”</p><p>Hickey smiled, like a real one. “Yeah, how is she?” Jeff was a bit nonplussed. Maybe they had developed some kind of friendship.</p><p>“Um, she’s fine. I guess.” He didn’t really know, other than she was pissed at him. But that wasn’t <em>that</em> uncommon. “And, she asked me to say thank you for helping her.”</p><p>“She’s a good kid.” Now Jeff was really confused. Hickey’s words were followed by a contemplative smile. “And a firecracker, too, right?”</p><p>Was he really having this conversation with Hickey of all people? “I suppose she is.”</p><p>“She’s maybe a little naïve, but she learns fast that one. She’s going places.” This curmudgeon had known her for what, maybe 2 months? Jeff had known her for years, and now he was losing her attention to this old dude.</p><p>“I didn’t realize you two were so close now.”</p><p>Hickey just chuckled. “Nah, she’s still a pain in the ass.” She was, but she was his pain to deal with. Hickey hadn’t known her long enough to talk about her like that. “But I admire her drive and smarts. She’s going to make some guy very luck one day.”</p><p>Jeff tried to mask any type of reaction at all. Hickey’s words were all true, and Jeff was a huge idiot. But that was a given. “Yes, I’m certain there is a perfect match for her demanding, compulsive ways. Poor bastard.”</p><p>Hickey’s eyes tightened as he listened to Jeff. “What’s up with you, Winger? It wasn’t so long ago you were defending her. I thought you were friends.”</p><p>Jesus, even Hickey sensed he was full of shit. “We are,” was all he could muster as a response.</p><p>“She is a force to be reckoned with, for sure,” he offered. “But she is a good girl, with a big heart. I see that about her now, and it makes the rest so much less annoying.”</p><p>Leave it to Hickey to come to the same conclusion he had 5 years ago. It was exactly what kept him coming back for more.</p><p>“She’s mad at me, that’s all,” trying to play it off, like it wasn’t bothering him. “We sort of had a fight.”</p><p>Hickey leaned back in his chair, his wizened expression pointed at Jeff. “Ah, I see,” he sniggered.</p><p>“What?” Jeff answered, trying not to sound defensive.</p><p>“Nothing, forget it,” he replied, shaking his head and shuffling his papers around on his desk.</p><p>There was no way he was going to allow Hickey to autopsy his relationship with Annie. There was already enough Greendale scrutiny of the two of them from every angle. It was humiliating that even Hickey was won over by her, while Jeff was floundering.</p><p>“She’s just so infuriating. I can’t figure her out.” He didn’t realize he’d spoken the words out loud, until they were already hanging in the air between them.</p><p>Hickey’s chair squeaked, as he faced Jeff from across the room. “You want my advice about her?” No, he absolutely fucking did not.</p><p>Jeff tried to find his signature sarcasm, but it fell short. Instead, he was sure he sounded like a frustrated, middle-aged man. “I’ve known her a long time. I think I’m all good,” returning his attention to his work.</p><p>Hickey just stayed put. Jeff could feel him watching from across the room. Hickey’s chair squeaked under his weight, as he waited for Jeff to respond. So, he reluctantly paused, lifting his eyes toward him.</p><p>The old guy cleared his throat before he spoke. “She doesn’t like to be told what to do, but she will always take guidance if you offer it in the form of help.”</p><p>None of this was news to him. Wasn’t that the reason the stupid committee existed?</p><p>“Um, thanks. But, like I said, we’ve known each other a long time. This will blow over.”</p><p>“Suit yourself, Winger. I may not know a lot about women, but that one is pretty easy to get,” he chuckled. “And definitely worth the effort.”</p><p>He took a drink from his glass, setting it down. “Tell you what, if you stop providing your unsolicited opinion, I’ll pour you a glass.”</p><p>“Works for me.” Jeff extracted another glass from the drawer, leaving it on the edge of his desk. Hickey took his time before crossing the room to retrieve it. Saying nothing, he went back to work on his comic strip.</p><p>Silence filled the space.</p><p>~*~</p><p>He hadn’t been to a hardware store since he was a kid. Jeff Winger did not do manual labor. Somehow, he found himself wandering the aisles of one early on Saturday, before some pimply kid in an orange smock took pity on him. He admittedly stood out in his designer clothing, aviators, and complete cluelessness.</p><p>An hour later, he walked out with a bag full of everything you needed to patch a hole in a wall. It didn’t take the hardware store’s helpful line of employees long to assess he had no idea what he was doing. They talked him into a beginner’s class on drywalling. As humiliating as it was, he figured Greendale couldn’t be made worse by his efforts. </p><p>Several hours later, he was finished. He only sacrificed the better part of his Saturday and his third favorite pair of dark-wash jeans. But the hole on the Study Room wall was fixed. Painting it, however, would require getting through the labyrinth of Greendale’s custodial bureaucracy.</p><p>By late in the morning on Monday, he was sending his third email on the topic, hitting send before he headed out to class.</p><p>Once again, she showed up unannounced. “Oh, hey, I was looking for Professor Hickey. I guess I missed him.”</p><p>He stood up, straightening his desk before he left for his next class. “I haven’t seen him yet today. Sorry.”</p><p>She played with the straps of her backpack, pressing her lips together, biting at them a little. “So, what did you do this weekend?”</p><p>“Not much, really. Pretty standard Winger routine. Gym, scotch, work,” he listed, trying not to forget the pile of papers, ready to be returned to students. “You?” He was slightly concerned it would be something he didn’t want to hear, like she met the man of her dreams and was moving abroad this summer.</p><p>“Same,” she answered. She nibbled a bit more at her lip. “Well, not exactly the same as you. I studied and, um, cleaned the apartment.” Apparently even small talk was awkward between them now. Awesome.</p><p>He normally wasn’t in any rush to get to class, but the tension of words unspoken was getting too much for this part of his day. “Did you need me to give another message to Hickey?”</p><p>“Oh, do you have to go?” Her question ended on a higher octave than usual, almost sounding like disappointment.</p><p>“Yup, I have class starting soon.” That seemed to get her attention. Punctuality was an Annie Edison tenet of respect for learning.</p><p>“Can you tell him thank you for fixing the hole in the Study Room?”</p><p>She caught him off guard for a moment. Of course she’d assume it was Hickey. “You’ve seen it then?”</p><p>Her head inclined to one side, processing his choice of words. “Yes, have you?”</p><p>“Um, yeah.” He didn’t want to make a bigger deal out of it than it was. So what if he took Hickey’s advice. It was his idea. “It’s not easy to get it painted, however,” he answered nonchalantly.</p><p>“And you know that because…” her eyebrow raised in question.</p><p>“I’ve sent three emails about it. I guess they don’t like to do much work around here. Shocking.”</p><p>She snorted a little. “Are you trying to tell me you had something to do with repairing a wall? At Greendale,” qualifying her skepticism.</p><p>Shifting his papers under his arm, he fished his keys out of his pocket. “Sure, it wasn’t that hard.”</p><p>Her mouth tightened, as she jerked her head back. “Really?” Her eyes inspected him like he was the study guide to her big final, trying to make sure she memorized every last detail. “So like, are you telling me <em>you</em> fixed it?”</p><p>“You don’t think I can do something simple like that?”</p><p>She appeared a bit stunned, her eyes widening. “I never gave it much thought,” she countered. He had to admit, he was a little insulted.</p><p>“I have to get to class, now, so we should go,” holding the door wide so she could go out first.</p><p>She waited, while he locked up. Without a word, she walked with him to his classroom, struggling to keep up as he accelerated his normal languid pace. If you didn’t know him, you’d think he cared about being timely.</p><p>When they reached the threshold of his classroom, they both just stood there. “This is me,” as if she didn’t know. “Got to go shape the minds of Greendale.” She shifted from one foot to another, looking down at them, looping her thumbs inside the straps of her backpack.</p><p>Finally, she addressed him directly. “I guess I should thank you, then, for patching the wall,” more a question than acknowledgement. </p><p>If he was being truthful, her lack of enthusiasm was a letdown. He didn’t need her validation to make this place less of a dump. He did work here. “I wanted to make sure we didn’t have any more random wildlife encounters in the Study Room.”</p><p>Sarcasm, that should get rid of her. But, she was like a dog with a bone and kept at him. “Still, you didn’t have to do that over a weekend. I know you like your me time.”</p><p>“I do, but I am not completely selfish all the time.” She didn’t seem convinced because she kept examining him with those eyes, like she was going to unlock the secret code that made him tick.</p><p>“O-hh, ka-yy,” she responded, her tone still uncertain.</p><p>A few of his students started to filter in, then, giving him an out. “I have to go. My students are here waiting to learn the ingredients of the great Winger mystique. I better not keep them waiting.” Sometimes the words that described his life were still foreign to him.</p><p>All he wanted at this point was to end this interaction with some semblance of his pride intact. But, she reached out to touch his forearm, throwing him off his game.</p><p>He froze, not expecting her touch. It had been awhile, and he only realized in that moment that he’d missed it. “Wait, Jeff,” she urged softly. Rolling up on her toes to reach him, she placed a light kiss on his cheek. “Thank you.”</p><p>For a brief second or two, he forgot where he was. He also lost the ability to speak. She smiled, releasing his arm. Spinning on her heel, she made her was down the hallway. He watched her get smaller, before she turned back, gifting him a small wave.</p><p>Somehow, some way, he’d done something right.</p><p>“Close your mouth, Winger, you’re drooling,” his aged enemy crowed, smirking as he walked by.</p><p>“Shut up, Leonard, or I won’t tell you where the lunch lady found your teeth this time.”</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0007"><h2>7. Intermediate Tactics in Displacement</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Jeff rediscovers an important friendship.</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Episodes 5x7 abruptly introduces a strange Jeff/Britta story line, ending with Duncan and Jeff bonding. This is my take on that as continued from my last two chapters.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>He was just minding his own business, relaxing in his version of the happiest place on earth – the teacher’s lounge - when Duncan hit him with it. It wasn’t his job to protect Britta from potential losers. His buddy was relatively harmless, lacking the Winger charm, even if they had the same scruples about women. Or used to, anyway.</p><p>He guessed he could throw him a bone. Maybe if Duncan genuinely liked Britta, he could show it by demonstrating some interest in one of her many causes. It was kind of like playing matchmaker. Not at all a problem for him, really.</p><p>Yet, somehow, he found himself tagging along. He really didn’t need to watch Duncan try to get in Britta’s pants. He was more than over her, but it wasn’t exactly his idea of a great way to spend a Friday night. At least there was the potential he could make some progress with Annie.</p><p>But, she stuck with Shirley all night. Like her dedication to the committee, Annie seemed to find a new outlet for her kindness. By the time the show let out, he found himself wing man to Duncan’s pursuit of Britta. At least there was a bar. He tried to locate Annie, texting her to see if she wanted to join him. But his messages went unanswered.</p><p>At least he had a new form of entertainment in watching his friend woo his former lover. It was definitely time to leave, but he was starting to feel conflicted about unleashing Duncan on Britta. And then, out of nowhere, Britta’s stock rose exponentially.</p><p>There was something about seeing that side of her again that stirred a familiar feeling. She had a hint of confidence and authenticity as she spoke, conjuring an image of her that first caught his attention years ago. A confident Britta back then was just the type of superficial distraction he needed now.  </p><p>He checked his phone again. No Annie. She still seemed to be purposely avoiding him for some reason. He couldn’t blame her really. She knew he never really fully committed to anything. The Hot Lava game was an opportunity to prove something to her, and he had failed somehow. But he wasn’t a child, and neither was she. Throwing a tantrum when you lose was not his style. Well, except for that time he took an axe to their study table.</p><p>No, she was being sort of childish, not him. Of course, other adults who knew him didn’t agree, Duncan included. He called his ass out.</p><p>“Wait, you don’t just want to drink. This isn’t a drinking problem you have. It is a Britta-specific problem. No, I take that back, old friend. You just have problems. Plural. See, we Brits do use proper grammar.”</p><p>Duncan wasn’t wrong, only partially. He had an Annie problem, but there was no way he was going to confess that to Duncan. He could barely admit it to himself.</p><p>“Fine, you’re right. I can’t help but want something other people want.” That wasn’t entirely true. He’d held back with Annie.</p><p>Wait, no, there was Vaughn, and then Rich. He can even remember the green-eyed monster flare when he set Troy loose on her.</p><p>Most recently, he could add Hickey to the pile. For some reason, he couldn’t stand any man being more important to her than him. He was so incredibly fucked, and it was all his own doing.</p><p>“Thanks, you’re such a great friend, Winger.”</p><p>The sarcasm was not lost on him. He wasn’t being much of a friend to Britta, either, which was why he needed to save her from Duncan. He did feel kind of guilty about setting her up like this.</p><p>“Duncan, did you ever consider what kind of friend you are to me?”</p><p>He may not really want Britta, but he didn’t really enjoy the idea of sharing her with Duncan. They had been friends for years, but this was a sort of next-level Greendale closeness that he couldn’t stomach. But, then again, what kind of friend was he to anyone.</p><p>He was so used to putting himself first, it never occurred to him that Britta, and Annie for that matter, weren’t his to control. The universe was exacting some kind of moral revenge on him. And it came in the form of his drunken colleague calling his bluff.</p><p>“Always playing games, hey?” Sometimes he forgot Duncan was a psychologist. “It’s easy to play a game when you always win.” His good old buddy was wrong, though. He did lose, sometimes.</p><p>“Fine, you get one hour.” He didn’t actually plan on doing anything when that time was up. Duncan just needed a little push. Jeff wasn’t the only one psyching himself out.</p><p>~*~</p><p>Sitting in a bar alone was nothing new for him. Duncan and Britta were long gone by now. Maybe he was just what she needed. Britta wasn’t dumb, and his friend wasn’t a complete douche. He seemed moderately invested in her. He had called Jeff on his bullshit, so in some way, the best man did win whatever game they were playing.</p><p>He was about to leave the bar, when she responded.</p><p><strong>Annie</strong>: I’m home. You?</p><p><strong>Jeff</strong>: Just finished watching Duncan successfully bag Britta.</p><p><strong>Annie</strong>: Eww.</p><p><strong>Jeff</strong>: What?</p><p><strong>Annie</strong>: I thought you were her friend.</p><p><strong>Jeff</strong>: I am.</p><p><strong>Annie</strong>: I thought he was your friend.</p><p><strong>Jeff</strong>: He is.</p><p><strong>Annie</strong>: I don’t get you at all.</p><p><strong>Jeff</strong>: I’m not that complicated.</p><p><strong>Annie</strong>: Sure.</p><p><strong>Jeff</strong>: If Britta doesn’t care, why should I?</p><p><strong>Annie</strong>: Because you should.</p><p><strong>Jeff</strong>: Why?</p><p><strong>Annie</strong>: I don’t know. Because.</p><p><strong>Jeff</strong>: That’s helpful.</p><p><strong>Annie</strong>: I can’t give you the right answers, Jeff.</p><p><strong>Jeff</strong>: I didn’t ask you to.</p><p><strong>Annie</strong>: No, but you don’t want to work very hard to get them on your own.</p><p><strong>Jeff</strong>: I don’t want to work hard at all.</p><p><strong>Annie</strong>: Yes, I know.</p><p><strong>Jeff</strong>: Going to bed?</p><p><strong>Annie</strong>: Yeah.</p><p><strong>Jeff</strong>: I can’t get you to come back out?</p><p><strong>Annie</strong>: Nope. I’m already wearing my PJs.</p><p><strong>Jeff</strong>: Tell me more about that.</p><p><strong>Annie</strong>: I see you’re still studying.</p><p><strong>Jeff</strong>: I am. Also, validating my answers to the original question you wouldn’t let me ask.</p><p><strong>Annie</strong>: Like I can control what you do.</p><p><strong>Jeff</strong>: You have your ways.</p><p><strong>Annie</strong>: Please. We both know that’s not true.</p><p><strong>Jeff</strong>: If you say so.</p><p><strong>Annie</strong>: I do.</p><p><strong>Jeff</strong>: So, that’s a hard no?</p><p><strong>Annie</strong>: Yes.</p><p><strong>Jeff</strong>: Which is it?</p><p><strong>Annie</strong>: Good night, Jeff.</p><p><strong>Jeff</strong>: Night, Annie. Sleep well.</p><p>~*~</p><p>He observed the movement of the amber liquid in his glass. Now that he was officially alone, he should probably head home.</p><p>The stool next to him moved. Duncan was back without Britta. He couldn’t help but laugh. “No dice, huh?”</p><p>He patted Jeff on the shoulder. “If that makes you feel better about yourself to believe that, you handsome devil, then I struck out.”</p><p>Jeff motioned to the bartender for a fresh round. “You know we’re not having sex, right?”</p><p>“I’m sure we can find other ways to entertain ourselves that doesn’t involve sex for either of us.”</p><p>The bartender set down their glasses. Duncan lifted his, tipping it toward Jeff.</p><p>“I’m not toasting to that,” emptying his glass to make room for the next.</p><p>“Agreed, we wouldn’t want to jinx you anymore. It does seem that your luck with the ladies is slipping,” he mused, baiting Jeff. “Anytime this guy,” gesturing to himself with two thumbs, “can win the hand of a woman, over you, I would say you have a pox upon you.”</p><p>Jeff had just received a new glass, but he downed a rather large portion in one gulp. Probably not a great plan. He caught the bartender’s eye, gesturing for the check. “I think I’m done for the night.”</p><p>Duncan held up his hands in surrender. “Slow down, my friend.”</p><p>“I can’t help if it you’re nursing yours like a woman.”</p><p>He just chuckled. “Seems I’ve struck a chord. I’m a trained professional, but I’m also your friend, Jeffrey.”</p><p>“You sure do have an odd way of showing friendship,” the scotch loosening his tongue.</p><p>“Agreed, I realized I spent the whole night getting close to the wrong friend. And it was the lovely Britta who helped me understand that. She really is magnificent,” he gushed, his eyes thoughtfully drifting toward the ceiling.</p><p>“Are you trying to tell me that Britta is the reason you’re here with me?”</p><p>“Not entirely,” he replied, studying the contents of his glass. “I’ve been noticing some things about you.”</p><p>Normally he’d be up for this form of entertainment. But he was tired, and this night was entirely too confusing. Duncan was one step up from Britta in skill, and only slightly ahead of her on instinct when it came to reading the Jeff crisis meter.</p><p>“I don’t think you and Britta should hook up. I’m not sure I can take two of you in the business of shrinking my head,” signing the receipt for their drinks. “Besides, we both know nothing can down the Wingman,” hoping his standard bravado would end this.</p><p>Duncan clapped him on the shoulder. “Of course, you are like a god,” his hackneyed response sounding almost conciliatory. “All I’ll say is that the pert Ms. Edison has a certain effect on you. And, without her here tonight, you kind of took a strange detour from where you were headed.”</p><p>Jeff had enough to drink that it was possible he could fall into this trap. If his drinking buddy was going to betray him, too, he had no where else to escape.</p><p>“I have no idea what the hell you are talking about.” Not his usual smooth deflection, but the best he could do.</p><p>Duncan drained half of his glass, putting him closer to the same plane as Jeff. “Nothing, forget I said anything. Let’s say we take this back to your place.”</p><p>“I told you, Duncan, not interested. But maybe it’s not too late to call Britta.” See how much he liked being examined about his predilection for the world’s most flexible feminist.</p><p>“Classic avoidance, like I’ve never seen that one before.” It had been awhile, but he’d like to kick Duncan’s metaphysical ass. Instead, he rested his forehead against hand, leaning into the bar. “All I’m saying is you can only get so far with the tortured, wounded soul thing with her, Jeffrey.”</p><p>He was regretting his decision to close out his tab. “I am getting a cab,” pulling out his phone, his other crutch. “And another drink, sometimes they can take a while.”</p><p>“Jeffrey, you know I would love to spend more time knocking back the elixir of the gods with you, but even I think that would be a bad idea.” Now, his universe was really entering a new dimension. “Instead I’m trying to be a friend.”</p><p>People liked to throw that word around. It usually was accompanied by unwelcome advice. The call for a cab gave him time to realize what was really going on. Or at least what he thought might be Duncan’s angle.</p><p>“I think you’re still pissed at me for taking you out of the Hot Lava game.”</p><p>Duncan grinned. “Maybe a little. You sort of cock-blocked me, similar to your efforts tonight. It was an odd choice to take me out but not your former paramour. I would say Ms. Edison would agree.” </p><p>Really, he needed a lobotomy to survive the effect of being at Greendale. These people had no lives. “Seriously? Everyone is so sensitive about that game,” he lamented.</p><p>“Oh, Jeffery,” he laughed heartily. “You really are nothing but a pretty package with an astounding vocabulary.”</p><p>Jeff stood, shoving his hand in one pocket, sliding his phone into another. “Duncan, it’s been illuminating. But I’m going out to meet my cab,” holding out his hand, hoping for a gentlemen’s end to this evening.</p><p>Duncan took his hand and shook it. “Just one question before you go.”</p><p>Jeff tried to suppress the juvenile eye roll he felt inside his mind. “Fine, what?”</p><p>“She’s been pissed at you since then, correct?”</p><p>“What?” he snapped.</p><p>“Annie, has been slightly more distant, maybe a little cold lately.”</p><p>This time he couldn’t help it. He could feel himself losing his cool. “Duncan, I really need to get going.”</p><p>“How about I come with you? We can share a cab.”</p><p>Duncan had him cornered now. It was either deal with this here or in the confines of a smaller space.</p><p>“Yes, things have been different with Annie. Happy now?”</p><p>Jeff started to make his way toward the door. Duncan followed along, shadowing him out the door.</p><p>“And, how do you like that?” Shit, there was no cab yet.</p><p>He blew an agitated breath through his nose, staring up at the sky. “Not very much. Satisfied?”</p><p>“No, but then again, neither are you.” He kept looking for his rescue vehicle. Still no headlights approaching, he faced Duncan.</p><p>He decided to take a less defensive tone, reaching for his standard, suave Winger persona.</p><p>“I appreciate your concern, Duncan. Everything is just fine. This is how we always are. And this year was tough, losing Pierce and Troy. So things are a little off for all of us.” That should do it. He’d revealed just enough to placate him.</p><p>“Jeffrey, I’ve known you a long time. I see how you are with women. Sometimes watching you work was better than anything I could find on cable at night.” A thoughtful expression took over Duncan's face, then, as he smiled to himself.</p><p>“Thanks for the helpful reminder of a time when I used to have a better game. You’re a solid friend,” he snarked.</p><p>His cab pulled up, then. “Please don’t make me acknowledge your obvious gifts, Jeffrey. It’s enough to have to watch them wasted on you.”</p><p>Jeff finally got the power back. A self-deprecating Duncan was no match for him. “I know, it’s so hard to be me,” loving the direction this was headed.</p><p>“I know that it is, Jeffrey,” turning his tone from mocking to mollifying. “Attracting women has never been your problem. Keeping them, however, is perhaps another matter.”</p><p>Best to end this. Now. The last thing he needed was to get arrested punching out a fellow professor from Greendale.</p><p>“Get to the point, Duncan.”</p><p>“I think you get the point. Your intelligence has never been the issue.” That was reassuring. “Your emotional intelligence is another thing entirely.”</p><p>The direction of this conversation was beginning to make his scotch-induced calm evaporate. “Still need you to connect the dots for me, Duncan.”</p><p>“One man can always sense when another has staked their claim, Jeffrey, old pal. You’re not as subtle as you’d like to believe.” The nausea rolled through his stomach. He’d maybe had one too many tonight. “Ms. Edison has been off the market for a long time, too long. Time to man up.”</p><p>Duncan followed him into the cab. Jeff laid his head against the coolness of the window. He wasn’t going to be sick. But it didn’t mean he felt better. “Message delivered. Can we talk about something else?”</p><p>“Of course, I see I may have overstepped on this topic. I’m just trying to look out for you, Jeffrey. You did help me out with Britta tonight.”</p><p>“Glad to be of service.”</p><p>There was only so much he could take. He closed his lids and retreated into himself for the remainder of the ride.</p><p>~*~</p><p>It was pretty late, and he was preparing for class, when her message came in.</p><p><strong>Annie</strong>: How’s your hand?</p><p><strong>Jeff</strong>: Same.</p><p><strong>Annie</strong>: I’m glad you have Professor Duncan.</p><p><strong>Jeff</strong>: Male bonding is important.</p><p><strong>Annie</strong>: So’s female bonding</p><p><strong>Jeff</strong>: You and Shirley are kind of close lately.</p><p><strong>Annie</strong>: She misses Andre and the boys.</p><p><strong>Jeff</strong>: She’s probably better off.</p><p><strong>Annie</strong>: That’s terrible.</p><p><strong>Jeff</strong>: Is it?</p><p><strong>Annie</strong>: Yes.</p><p><strong>Jeff</strong>: You can’t force something that’s not right.</p><p><strong>Annie</strong>: No. But they can work it out.</p><p><strong>Jeff</strong>: Can they?</p><p><strong>Annie</strong>: They can try.</p><p><strong>Jeff</strong>: Divorce is one of two endings for marriage. Odds are not in her favor.</p><p><strong>Annie</strong>: I choose to believe in them.</p><p><strong>Jeff</strong>: That’s your choice.</p><p><strong>Annie</strong>: Don’t you want her to be happy?</p><p><strong>Jeff</strong>: That’s a stupid question.</p><p><strong>Annie</strong>: I’m not stupid.</p><p><strong>Jeff</strong>: Didn’t say you were.</p><p><strong>Annie</strong>: So what are you saying?</p><p><strong>Jeff</strong>: That commitment does not equal happiness.</p><p><strong>Annie</strong>: Because you’re such an expert.</p><p><strong>Jeff</strong>: The number of divorce cases I’ve seen sort of makes me one.</p><p><strong>Annie</strong>: Shirley’s our friend, not a number.</p><p><strong>Jeff</strong>: She’s on her second marriage to Andre.</p><p><strong>Annie</strong>: That must mean something.</p><p><strong>Jeff</strong>: It does. But not what you think or want to believe.</p><p><strong>Annie</strong>: Don’t even.</p><p><strong>Jeff</strong>: What?</p><p><strong>Annie</strong>: Don’t judge her. Or me.</p><p><strong>Jeff</strong>: I’m not.</p><p><strong>Annie</strong>: You are. Don’t push your cynicism on the rest of us.</p><p><strong>Jeff</strong>: You started this, not me.</p><p><strong>Annie</strong>: You’re right. I should go.</p><p><strong>Jeff</strong>: I’m sorry. Don’t go.</p><p><strong>Annie</strong>: I’ve got to study.</p><p><strong>Jeff</strong>: Ok, doing some work myself.</p><p><strong>Annie:</strong> Are you really?</p><p><strong>Jeff: </strong>You don’t believe me?</p><p><strong>Annie:</strong> I do.</p><p><strong>Jeff:</strong> Doesn’t seem like it.</p><p><strong>Annie:</strong> We haven’t seen each other much lately.</p><p><strong>Jeff: </strong>Not because I’m not around.</p><p><strong>Annie:</strong> I know. I’ve been busy.</p><p><strong>Jeff:</strong> Yes.</p><p><strong>Annie:</strong> You aren’t the only friend I have.</p><p><strong>Jeff: </strong>Agreed.</p><p><strong>Annie:</strong> I have the committee and my classes, too.</p><p><strong>Jeff: </strong>I know.</p><p><strong>Annie:</strong> You have Professor Duncan, too.</p><p><strong>Jeff: </strong>Is he supposed to be a proxy for you?</p><p><strong>Annie:</strong> No, just pointing out, you are spending more time with him.</p><p><strong>Jeff: </strong>I don’t see your point.</p><p><strong>Annie:</strong> We both have less time now.</p><p><strong>Jeff:</strong> And different priorities.</p><p><strong>Annie:</strong> And your point is?</p><p><strong>Jeff:</strong> Your priorities changed.</p><p><strong>Annie:</strong> That’s not fair.</p><p><strong>Jeff: </strong>It’s ok. It’s just an observation.</p><p><strong>Annie:</strong> What about your priorities?</p><p><strong>Jeff:</strong> What about them?</p><p><strong>Annie:</strong> Never mind.</p><p><strong>Jeff:</strong> Not playing fair.</p><p><strong>Annie:</strong> Interesting choice of words.</p><p><strong>Jeff:</strong> Are we back to the lava game again?</p><p><strong>Annie:</strong> No.</p><p><strong>Jeff:</strong> I think we are.</p><p><strong>Annie:</strong> What is fair?</p><p><strong>Jeff:</strong> You and I in the same room, without phones.</p><p><strong>Annie:</strong> We do that already.</p><p><strong>Jeff: </strong>The Save Greendale Committee does not count.</p><p><strong>Annie:</strong> Is this some trick to get me to help you grade exams.</p><p><strong>Jeff:</strong> While that’s an excellent idea. No.</p><p><strong>Annie:</strong> For real?</p><p><strong>Jeff:</strong> Yes.</p><p><strong>Annie:</strong> Ok.</p><p><strong>Jeff:</strong> Ok what?</p><p><strong>Annie: </strong>Let’s do something, just you and I.</p><p><strong>Jeff: </strong>When?</p><p><strong>Annie:</strong> Whenever. Your choice.</p><p><strong>Jeff: </strong>What should we do?</p><p><strong>Annie:</strong> Your choice.</p><p><strong>Jeff:</strong> Another test?</p><p><strong>Annie:</strong> Maybe.</p><p><strong>Jeff: </strong>Ok.</p><p><strong>Annie:</strong> Don’t you want to know the answer options?</p><p><strong>Jeff:</strong> I’m pretty sure I can figure this out on my own. You said my choice. Not my first rodeo.</p><p><strong>Annie:</strong> If you say so cowboy.</p><p><strong>Jeff: </strong>I am capable of this.</p><p><strong>Annie:</strong> I'm sure you are.</p><p><strong>Jeff:</strong> Ok, then.</p><p><strong>Annie</strong>: Good night, Jeff.</p><p><strong>Jeff</strong>: Night, Annie. Don’t stay up too late studying.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0008"><h2>8. Applied Adult Learning Theory</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Jeff finds it increasingly difficult to hide his feelings for Annie.</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Episode 5x8 was a fun episode that didn’t really work for the storyline I’m developing. I did my best to salvage pieces that do work. </p><p>I always did have a soft spot for the Shirley/Jeff friendship, so I chose to lift that for inspiration.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p><strong>Duncan:</strong> What are you doing Tuesday?</p><p><strong>Jeff: </strong>Why?</p><p><strong>Duncan:</strong> I was hoping you’d come with me to the lovely Britta’s bar again.</p><p><strong>Jeff: </strong>Pass.</p><p><strong>Duncan:</strong> Why not?</p><p><strong>Jeff: </strong>Because, I already did the wing man thing for you.</p><p><strong>Duncan: </strong>Yes, but you were rubbish.</p><p><strong>Jeff:</strong> You said nothing about doing the job well.</p><p><strong>Duncan:</strong> I’m buying.</p><p><strong>Jeff: </strong>Still pass.</p><p><strong>Duncan:</strong> Have a better offer?</p><p><strong>Jeff:</strong> No.</p><p><strong>Duncan:</strong> You must. You never pass on the drink.</p><p><strong>Jeff: </strong>I’m busy ok?</p><p><strong>Duncan:</strong> Doing what?</p><p><strong>Jeff: </strong>Man up. You don’t need me.</p><p><strong>Duncan:</strong> Oh. I see.</p><p><strong>Jeff:</strong> Good.</p><p><strong>Duncan:</strong> Glad you took my advice. Finally.</p><p><strong>Jeff:</strong> That’s a stretch.</p><p><strong>Duncan:</strong> If you say so.</p><p><strong>Jeff:</strong> I do.</p><p><strong>Duncan:</strong> Seems like we’ll both be manning up. Separately.</p><p><strong>Jeff:</strong> I wouldn’t say that.</p><p><strong>Duncan:</strong> I would.</p><p><strong>Jeff:</strong> You are entitled to your opinion.</p><p><strong>Duncan:</strong> I know my opinion will be fact. That’s enough for me.</p><p><strong>Jeff:</strong> Are we done yet?</p><p><strong>Duncan:</strong> Care to man up together?</p><p><strong>Jeff:</strong> Definitely no.</p><p><strong>Duncan:</strong> Then I think we’re done here.</p><p><strong>Jeff:</strong> Great. Enjoy Tummy Tuesday with Britta.</p><p>~*~</p><p>He didn’t intentionally leave Shirley out of their dinner plans. He wanted to leave everyone out, but the Study Group was a life force all its own. Once their plans became the group’s plans, he was less concerned about being inclusive.</p><p>He actually thought he was being thoughtful to keep it on a night where she didn’t have to pick between the Study Group and her boys. Even when he was trying to be a decent friend, he still couldn’t get it right. He was genuinely sorry he left her out, but it was Shirley’s game to manipulate people.</p><p>He was an expert at that game, too. Most people who liked control were, except Annie. Her motivations were purer, based in true depth of character. She was genuinely offended that Shirley wasn’t included, adding to the tension between them now.</p><p>Of course, she was still pissed that their plans turned into a group dinner. Although, she wouldn’t admit it to him, especially since it was Britta who outed them to the group. He didn’t want to revisit the subject again, so he just let it go. It was too late now anyway, even Chang was invited.</p><p>Maybe her investment in this stupid cat app should have been his first clue that Greendale’s latest craze was going to crash and burn this place again. Britta actually tried to warn him the game could backfire. Her voice of reason, through a mustard-soaked face, was the last sane thing he remembered before he clicked install.</p><p>But it was Shirley’s two faces strutting through the cafeteria, tormenting the likes of Vicki, that stoked his competitive edge. He had a thing about bullies. Plus, he wasn’t ten anymore. Big Cheddar didn’t scare him.</p><p>He worked hard at cool, and all Shirley had to do was turn her passive, aggressive dial to high, and coat it with brownies. People were such sheep, including Annie, who followed her around like she was in high school.</p><p>What a fucking sham.</p><p>“What’s the deal with Annie and Shirley?” He remained silent. Even with Britta making some sense, he didn’t want to go there. “They seem very cozy, lately.”</p><p>He whipped out his phone. If he had to play this stupid game so she’d talk to him again, then so be it.</p><p>“I’m going to expose Shirley, I mean this stupid game, for the fraud that it is.”</p><p>“Jeff, are you jealous of Shirley?”</p><p>“No, this isn’t high school, Britta.” Well, except for that whole mean girl thing Shirley was stirring up. He hated to think of Annie participating in that. He knew what it was like to be bullied by Shirley. And Annie, knew what it was like in general.</p><p>“Jeff, just be sure you are honest about why you are doing this. Or you’ve already lost.” Britta was right and not just because of the mustard.</p><p>“That’s actually really good advice.” She wrinkled her brow in surprise.</p><p>“Really?” She beamed, until she recognized the glob of yellow on her face.</p><p>“It’s really strange that you started making sense to me.” Maybe that was a sign he should go home and let all of this blow over.</p><p>But then he saw Annie. She was taking notes and following Shirley around. This had gone too far. He didn’t need Shirley filling her head with shit about him. And all over a dinner that was supposed to be just the two of them. Now, it was about Shirley’s feelings.</p><p>He studied the players in the game already. Shirley, of course, was a five. Hickey was a three. Jesus, even Starburns was a two. This would be a no-brainer.</p><p>~*~</p><p><strong>Annie</strong>: I hear you’re a 4 now.</p><p><strong>Jeff</strong>: I’m legit.</p><p><strong>Annie</strong>: Take it easy on Shirley.</p><p><strong>Jeff</strong>: She’s not playing fair.</p><p><strong>Annie</strong>: She’s hurting.</p><p><strong>Jeff</strong>: I know.</p><p><strong>Annie</strong>: Do you?</p><p><strong>Jeff</strong>: I didn’t leave her out on purpose.</p><p><strong>Annie</strong>: She doesn’t know that.</p><p><strong>Jeff:</strong> I told her.</p><p><strong>Annie</strong>: After. You told her after.</p><p><strong>Jeff:</strong> It was supposed to be just us from the start. I was mad.</p><p><strong>Annie</strong>: That’s not her fault.</p><p><strong>Jeff:</strong> I know. It had to be Abed.</p><p><strong>Annie</strong>: It’s not his fault either. He didn’t know.</p><p><strong>Jeff:</strong> Are you sure about that?</p><p><strong>Annie:</strong> Not entirely.</p><p><strong>Jeff: </strong>See.</p><p><strong>Annie: </strong>What?</p><p><strong>Jeff: </strong>I just wanted to create space for us. Without them.</p><p><strong>Annie:</strong> Then what about Britta?</p><p><strong>Jeff: </strong>Duncan.</p><p><strong>Annie:</strong> What?</p><p><strong>Jeff:</strong> I don’t really want to go into it.</p><p><strong>Annie: </strong>Typical.</p><p><strong>Jeff: </strong>Huh?</p><p><strong>Annie: </strong>You’re hot and cold.</p><p><strong>Jeff: </strong>You’re only half right.</p><p><strong>Annie:  </strong>Or you are.</p><p><strong>Jeff: </strong>So let me make it up to you.</p><p><strong>Annie</strong>: I didn’t realize it was that important to you.</p><p><strong>Jeff:</strong> Seriously?</p><p><strong>Annie:</strong> I don’t know.</p><p><strong>Jeff: </strong>I’ve had to play this game for a week to even get in the same room with you.</p><p><strong>Annie</strong>: Technically, you have to be a 5 to be in the same room as me.</p><p><strong>Jeff: </strong>Come on, really?</p><p><strong>Annie:</strong> Those are the rules.</p><p><strong>Jeff:</strong> Whatever. This is a dumb game.</p><p><strong>Annie:</strong> So you’re not going to try to become a 5?</p><p><strong>Jeff: </strong>I wouldn’t even have to try.</p><p><strong>Annie:</strong> Right.</p><p><strong>Jeff:</strong> You’ll see.</p><p><strong>Annie:</strong> What will I see?</p><p><strong>Jeff:</strong> That being a 5 is not so great.</p><p><strong>Annie:</strong> I spend all my time with them. It’s not so bad now that  Abed’s one.</p><p><strong>Jeff:</strong> You do realize how crazy this is?</p><p><strong>Annie:</strong> I know how competitive you are. I figured it would work for you.</p><p><strong>Jeff:</strong> And you’re not enjoying this?</p><p><strong>Annie:</strong> I’m trying to help you.</p><p><strong>Jeff: </strong>I don’t need your help.</p><p><strong>Annie:</strong> No, I hear Britta is your little helper now.</p><p><strong>Jeff:</strong> Wait, what? How did you know that?</p><p><strong>Annie:</strong> I have my ways.</p><p><strong>Jeff: </strong>This is beyond normal.</p><p><strong>Annie:</strong> No, it’s Greendale.</p><p><strong>Jeff:</strong> Same principle applies.</p><p><strong>Annie:</strong> Do you want my help or not?</p><p><strong>Jeff:</strong> I think we’ve established I don’t need it.</p><p><strong>Annie:</strong> Ok, I guess you’re on your own then.</p><p><strong>Jeff:</strong> Guess I am.</p><p>~*~</p><p>By the eighth day of Greendale’s latest obsession, Jeff had topped out his game. At least he could hang out with Annie now if he wanted. But she was so far up Shirley’s ass, it didn’t seem worth thinking about it. This whole game was messing with him, and his desire to regain control over something, anything, was on overdrive.</p><p>Turns out, though, that the person he really needed to fix things with first was Shirley. They were both angry, and he had to acknowledge it wasn’t her he was mad at – it was himself. The screw up with their dinner plans wasn’t Shirley’s fault. It was his.</p><p>If only he could have just been straight with everyone, including Annie, none of this would have happened. The kitty app would still be destroying the emotional well-being of Greendale’s student body. But, he would have gotten the alone time with Annie he needed and still been a decent friend to Shirley.</p><p>Shirley seemed to understand him better than he did himself. So, once Greendale reset itself to its version of normal, he sought her out. Some one-on-one time with her was his priority.</p><p>Annie would have to wait. She had been for years. What was another day?</p><p>~*~</p><p>They settled into their meals, the familiar lighting and smell of their home all around him. He was as comfortable as he’d felt in a while. That Meowbeenz level-four outfit, while a great look for him, was constricting.</p><p>“I’ve noticed you seem a little distracted lately, Jeffrey.” She couldn’t possibly know the source of that, other than the obvious.</p><p>“My transformation to Greendale lifer is complete. Sorry to disappoint you Shirley, but there’s not much to my shallow pool of existence beyond this,” motioning to the walls around them. “But you, on the other hand, have a real life.” Her broad smile fell with her eyes. She was acting as much as he was. All this time she was suffering, and he hadn’t even paid attention.</p><p>She picked at her food for a moment, laying down her fork and lacing her fingers together. “I’m not really sure where Andre and I stand anymore.”</p><p>“I’m sorry, Shirley. I really hope you work it out.” She toyed with her napkin, dabbing her mouth.</p><p>“I truly love all of you, but I am reaching a point where I don’t know how much longer I can stay at Greendale, playing like I don’t have adult responsibilities.” He got that, as much as he could.</p><p>“It is hard to remember sometimes that we are all grown adults.” Her mouth twisted into a knowing smile.</p><p>“The years do pass more quickly these days. It’s important to appreciate what you have. I try to and so should you.” If only she knew how meaningless his life was. She’d never approve of how he spent a large portion of his waking hours, pretending like he could recapture his youth by surrounding himself with it.</p><p>“I do consider myself lucky to call Greendale my adult playground. I can’t believe I tried to go back out into the real world.” His hyperbole didn’t have the effect he hoped. Shirley always saw through him.</p><p>“I know you tell yourself that, but we both know you’ve outgrown this place. It served its purpose, but you can leave whenever you want.”</p><p>“That sounds good and all, Shirley. But you and I live in the real world, unlike the rest of them. You know what I’ve become.” You couldn’t fool Shirley, which is why he avoided her most of this year.</p><p>She took another bite of her food, keeping her eyes fixed on him. He had no desire to eat anymore. “I think you love this place and the people here. They have a special, undeniable hold on you.”</p><p>Her words chafed at his fragile hold on reality. “If I could get out of here tomorrow, I would.”</p><p>“Please, Jeffrey, you can’t lie to me like you do yourself.”</p><p>“I’m trying to be honest, probably for the first time in my life. I’ve simply accepted my own limitations. I am a train wreck, and that won’t change. You reach a point in life where change isn’t possible.”</p><p>“That’s not true. I’ve known you longer than the rest of them, Tinkletown,” her voice dropping low as she winked at him. “I see what you’re doing, Jeffrey. Not much has changed these last few years.”</p><p>He wasn’t really sure he should ask, but he had a feeling she was going to tell him anyway. “You think you know me, huh, Big Cheddar?”</p><p>“Just because the googly eyes are older, doesn’t mean they are any wiser.” Christ, did everything around here require a euphemism?</p><p>“I’m not sure I catch your meaning.”</p><p>“Jeffrey, I know you think it’s weak to admit you might be attached to Greendale or any part of your time here. But, it’s an actual strength. One you’ve buried under all that hair gel and fancy clothing. But the eyes don’t lie.”</p><p>His food was no longer appealing and neither was this conversation. He leaned back in his chair. “This,” gesturing to himself, “is all I need, Shirley. It’s not hiding anything. It is who I am. It’s all I have.”</p><p>“Oh, Jeffrey, I think you really believe that on some level.” Her pity incensed him. Despite his multiple failures in life, at least he still had something. But, it, too, would fade. She didn’t need to remind him of that.</p><p>“What’s wrong with relying on how I look?” he groused. “Even if it’s not forever. It’s better than nothing.”</p><p>“Your life isn’t nothing, Jeffrey. How can you even think that? Look at what you’ve done here, what you created.”</p><p>He dropped his head, defeat consuming his superficial charm. Even it had its limits. “But everyone will leave. We’ve already lost Pierce and Troy. It’s only a matter of time before everyone is gone. And I’ll still be here, Shirley. Alone.”</p><p>“I’m sure that’s easier to believe than the alternative. That is if you want to play it safe and hide here, Jeffrey.”</p><p>“I never wanted to be here to begin with. And yet, here I am on a rerun episode of my life at Greendale. Only this time, it’s not the episode the audience watched to feel good.” He couldn’t help but realize Abed might be God and scripting this scene. Or, he was in purgatory. Either way, the warped sense of reality plagued his every thought. He couldn’t go on like this.</p><p>“I know what you mean, Jeffrey. The Lord tells us we are here to learn our lessons. I’ve been learning mine, some of them the same ones, for a very long time. But it is the love of this chosen family that makes me able to keep going, even when I don’t believe I can.”</p><p>“Blasphemy, Shirley.” She squinted her eyes in disapproval. Torturing sanctimonious Shirley was his favorite.</p><p>“Watch it, boy,” she cautioned in that low, commanding voice.</p><p>“Yes, ma-am. But, we both know, I’m <em>all</em> man.” She gasped but was not even remotely scandalized.</p><p>“Please, don’t you ma’am me. We both know I’m not that much older than you.” He flinched. For a moment, he’d almost forgotten.</p><p>“Thanks for the helpful reminder. Failed middle-aged lawyer is my favorite box to check on all the forms.”</p><p>She snorted. “Try divorced, single mother of 3 sometime.”</p><p>He was such an egocentric ass, but it was just so much fun to mess with her. “That is my favorite demographic.” She threw her balled up napkin at him.</p><p>“You could never, ever handle this.” There was not a shred of irony to be found in her statement, and she was totally right. She cocked her head and looked him dead on before she showed her hand. “You should probably stick to the younger, unmarried, and less jaded age bracket.” And just like that, she played him like the shark she was.</p><p>He wasn’t going to blow his hand. He’d double-down on a shitty one before losing this game. “I’ll take your seasoned guidance under advisement.”</p><p>“You do that, Jeffrey,” her eyes serious, tone even. “But she’s not a child anymore. At some point, you’re right, she’ll leave.” And the dealer in this game just became the master. She swiped his cards and chips away like it was just any other game, on any other day.</p><p>He was ready to leave the table. It was getting too high-stakes for him. It was one thing to play at the edges of this thing with Annie, not really committing to it fully. It was another to admit it to Shirley.</p><p>“I know,” he acknowledged. “I’ve lived my life Shirley. She hasn’t. It’s time for her to leave and live.”</p><p>Shirley blinked at him a few times, her mouth turned down. “Of course, Jeffrey. She has much life to live. But then again, so do you. Don’t we all?”</p><p>Everyone but him, sure. He thought for certain Shirley would get that.</p><p>“You all do, yeah. But I’m stuck, and I won’t keep her here. She deserves better than that. All of you do.”</p><p>“We <em>all</em> do, you included. You’re a part of this family, and we take care of one another,” her mom voice in full effect. She was just as protective of them as he was.</p><p>“That’s all I’m trying to do, Shirley. I’m looking out for this family. They come first.”</p><p>“You do realize by trying to make this decision for her, without her, you are fulfilling a role in her life she isn’t asking of you.” God, not this.</p><p>He tried to stay above board. All he wanted was to take care of her, make sure she was alright while she was here. It was too tempting to listen to Shirley’s version of his reality. But, he knew what was right. At least he tried to.</p><p>“Sometimes, we need people in our lives to tell us the truth, whether we like it or not.”</p><p>“Yes, we do.” She pushed her food aside and placed her hand on his arm. “There’s more than one version of the truth, though.” He thought for sure he could count on Shirley to see this from his perspective. Her pseudo blessing only confused him more.</p><p>“In this case, there isn’t. Not anymore.” She nodded and released his arm.</p><p>She relented. It wasn’t like her to push him too hard. She wasn’t Britta.</p><p>“Well, thank you for dinner. But I need to get home.” She started to clean up her meal, picking up the napkin she’d tossed at him as she made her way to the trashcan. “The boys are coming this weekend, and I need to work on a paper.”</p><p>He got up, so he could walk her to her car. It was late.</p><p>“I’m glad we did this. Maybe we can restart our monthly dinners?”</p><p>They passed through the door of the study room, making their way out of the library.</p><p>“I’d love that, Jeffrey.”</p><p>~*~</p><p><strong>Jeff:</strong> Um, are you busy right now?</p><p><strong>Annie:</strong> Yes.</p><p><strong>Jeff:</strong> With what?</p><p><strong>Annie:</strong> My brother.</p><p><strong>Jeff:</strong> Oh, yeah, sorry to bother you.</p><p><strong>Annie:</strong> It’s ok. Do you need something?</p><p><strong>Jeff:</strong> Just a quick question.</p><p><strong>Annie:</strong> Yeah?</p><p><strong>Jeff:</strong> Did Shirley hit her head recently?</p><p><strong>Annie:</strong> Um?</p><p><strong>Jeff:</strong> She’s just acting strangely.</p><p><strong>Annie:</strong> I told you. She’s under stress.</p><p><strong>Jeff:</strong> Ok.</p><p><strong>Annie:</strong> Is everything going all right with the clean up?</p><p><strong>Jeff:</strong> Yes, nothing I can’t handle.</p><p><strong>Annie:</strong> I gave you guys an easy task. I would hope so.</p><p><strong>Jeff:</strong> Exactly. We got it covered.</p><p><strong>Annie:</strong> Ok. Bye then.</p><p><strong>Jeff:</strong> Bye.</p><p>It was probably best to just leave her out of it after all. Shirley hadn’t tied the ropes that tight.</p><p>Besides, if this took a turn, he was pretty sure he could lift Chang on his back and make a run for it.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0009"><h2>9. Extended Studies in Genealogical & Relationship History</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Jeff and Annie wrestle with where they stand.</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Episode 5x9 had almost nothing for me to work with for my story. But I did find something in this and the next episode that tied the beginning and ending of my story together.</p>
<p>These next few chapters are bordering on AU but could totally happen 😊</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>It was hard to believe he spent all day trying to scalp stolen books for cash. The fact that he had nothing better to do, left him a form of empty he didn’t know was possible.</p>
<p>Teaching at Greendale was bad enough. His brain had already atrophied, sparked to life on the rare occasion his students actually engaged. It was nothing like being in a courtroom. And his bank account was suffering, similar to his mind. Shirley was just as desperate, her sandwich shop barely staying afloat. It was the only explanation for her criminal turn at the end of the deal.</p>
<p>“I know I took things too far, today, Jeffrey. I’m sorry. I just really need the money.” She did need it more than he did. But, in a textbook Greendale turn, the books were as worthless as the building that held them.</p>
<p>“Shirley, Hickey and I talked you into it.” They did, but he was a bit shocked how quickly she took to a life of crime. He didn’t know she had it in her.</p>
<p>“Yes, but you didn’t force me to try to take all the money for myself. I’m ashamed of my behavior,” her voice quiet, eyes crestfallen.</p>
<p>“It’s not like any of us are innocent, Shirley. We may have gotten what we deserve.”</p>
<p>“I get what I deserve every time I choose to show up to work here,” grumbled Hickey, who was stacking the last of the books on the cart to take them out to the recycle bin.</p>
<p>“Maybe, Jeffrey,” looking at him now, repentant. “Just because we went through whatever that was, doesn’t mean there’s a lesson to be learned.”</p>
<p>“It’s kind of like learning in general, here,” Hickey chimed in. “It doesn’t happen.” He made his way out into the hallway, pushing the last vestige of their dream, to its final resting place.</p>
<p>They continued making new piles of crap, all of it needing to be moved out, too. That was the original To Do they’d agreed to in the Study Room.</p>
<p>“Then what’s the point, Shirley?” He knew his voice was bordering on accusatory, but he hadn’t slept. None of them had.</p>
<p>His patience was depleted from the odyssey of futility that was the Save Greendale Committee. And now, they’d barely even started the actual task they were assigned. It had already been a long day, and now it was turning into his night as well.</p>
<p>“The point is, Jeffrey, we stick together. Success or failure, we are a family.”</p>
<p>~*~</p>
<p>When they showed up to the Study Room, he was in no mood to do committee work. They were all still wearing the clothes from the night before.</p>
<p>Still, he was glad to see her.</p>
<p>“You guys ok? You look tired.”</p>
<p>“It was quite the group effort. We learned some things about ourselves.” He would just leave it at that. She didn’t need to know how dicey it got. She probably wouldn’t understand.</p>
<p>“Cleaning out the storage room?” She searched for answers from the guilty parties around the table. They all just looked away. “That was an easy one guys.” Shirley just looked at him, eyes pleading.</p>
<p>“There was just a lot of heavy stuff, that’s all.”</p>
<p>“Oh, ok.” She moved the star on the wall to the Done side of her chart. “So, let’s see what’s up next.”</p>
<p>She never stopped. She was relentless.</p>
<p>“Annie, we haven’t quite recovered. Can we get a pass for this week?” He knew he sounded like his normally lazy self, but he just couldn’t give anything more to this place right now. All the heads around the table bobbed in agreement.</p>
<p>“Sure, I guess.”</p>
<p>He banged the gavel, an exclamation mark on another unproductive day at Greendale.</p>
<p>~*~</p>
<p>He didn’t usually get to campus so early. After his recent adventures with Shirley, he was more restless than ever, unable to sleep in even if he could. On this particular morning, he found himself wandering past the Study Room.</p>
<p>There was something about the thought of the space, quiet and dark, that gave him a sense of peace. It was his touchstone, and he needed that right now. This whole year left him wanting more but entirely unsure where to start or how to get there.</p>
<p>It just seemed easier to seek answers in the bottom of a glass than actually figure out what to do with his life. He’d sunk his life savings into his budding firm, and he had nothing to show for it. The irony that he could teach law, when he couldn’t actually do it, continued to fester in him. His monument to hope, the Study Room, pulled him in.</p>
<p>But he wouldn’t have the space to himself today. There was someone there already, busily working through her Save Greendale bible, deep in thought. He was so glad to see her. He couldn’t remember the last time they were alone together. Actually, he could. It didn’t end well.</p>
<p>“And here I thought I was going to earn the gold star for over-achiever this semester. I’m no match for Annie on a mission.”</p>
<p>She pivoted her head, no smile, his compliment falling flat.</p>
<p>“Oh, hey, Jeff,” she answered, her normally enthusiastic greeting absent. “Why are <em>you</em> here so early?”</p>
<p>“No reason. And you?” Her eyes traced over the pile before her.</p>
<p>“Same,” she replied, an almost melancholy tone in her voice.</p>
<p>“Doesn’t look like it to me.” She lifted her eyes, narrowing them on him.</p>
<p>“You are all of sudden interested in the work of the committee?” her voice tinged in doubt.</p>
<p>“I wouldn’t go that far.” He was interested in her mostly. He thought she got that by now.</p>
<p>“True, you wouldn’t. So why now? You never asked before.”</p>
<p>“I’m just surprised to see you. It’s been awhile.” Maybe he shouldn’t have waited so long to address what happened between them before Meow-beenz took over Greendale. Like most things that required effort, he was content to leave them unfinished.</p>
<p>He’d put Shirley before her, assuming she’d just get it. Maybe she didn’t. They hadn’t really been communicating all that much these last weeks.</p>
<p>“You saw me at our last meeting,” she answered, focusing intently on her sticky notes.</p>
<p>“You mean the one where you told me to stop trying to figure out your patterns?” She winced a little.</p>
<p>“No, the one where you all came in looking like you committed a crime.” She didn’t know how close she was to the truth.</p>
<p>“I forgot to thank you for that particular chore. I got to experience an entirely new low with our friends.” Spending his afternoon tied up with Chang and company was not his idea of a way to improve Greendale.</p>
<p>“Well, then maybe you should stop trying the easy way out of participating in the committee. I know you care about this place. I don’t know why you pretend you don’t.” She had it all wrong. It wasn’t the place. It was the people, her specifically.</p>
<p>He was starting to wonder if she and Shirley were plotting against him. Best to put on his Winger armor. He wasn’t sure what would happen next.</p>
<p>“I’m pretty partial to my scotch more than anything else.” Normally, that kind of remark earned him a disapproving comment. At the very least, he was hoping to just redirect the conversation to safer ground.</p>
<p>But, she didn’t say a thing. Instead, her thoughts played out on her face. And what he saw there, he didn’t want to see. Ever.</p>
<p>Sadness. She went back to her work in unsettling silence.</p>
<p>He was starting to feel uncomfortable, not in the good way he’d come to associate with being around her lately. He wandered over to her wall of stars, quietly adorning the space where they used to study Spanish. This place was where it all started, where it continued even now.</p>
<p>She was always trying to fix everything, make it better, but not because she didn’t value it. No, it was quite the opposite he was starting to realize.</p>
<p>She pushed her seat out, coming to stand next to him, a few stars stuck to the tips of her fingers.</p>
<p>“Um, do you mind? You’re sort of in my way.” He backed up, watching as she stretched toward an open space just beyond her reach. He was reminded of Hickey’s advice.</p>
<p>“I can, um…” She turned, her face slightly flushed with exertion. “Do you, um, want me to do that? Height does have some advantages.” She released a long, beleaguered breath.</p>
<p>“Thanks,” she muttered, still sounding somewhat fraught. He plucked the stars off the tips of her fingers and stuck them to the wall.</p>
<p>“Looks like you have more to do. Should I stay in case you need me to help again?” Jesus, he was pathetic.</p>
<p>“Up to you. I’m not going to get any taller,” she answered, reclaiming her seat. He’d seen her commit to work before, but she lacked the excitement he’d come to expect when she really cared. Something was off. Maybe she needed more from him than just his standard bare minimum.</p>
<p>“I have some time before my first class. And I can grade papers anywhere.” He pulled out his usual seat, and she continued making her notes, lining up her stars close to him so he could hang them as she finished.</p>
<p>They worked in companionable silence for awhile before she broke it again.</p>
<p>“It’s weird I’m so short. My brother is almost as tall as you now. Of course, it had been awhile …” She trailed off.</p>
<p>He’d totally forgotten. He was a completely shitty friend.</p>
<p>“Oh, that’s right. How was it seeing him again?” That thoughtful crease appeared in her brow.</p>
<p>“Strange, really strange.”</p>
<p>“I am familiar with strange. Maybe he’s Greendale material.” The crease deepened. His little quip rolling off of her decidedly un-Annie-like vibe.</p>
<p>“No, I don’t think Anthony would want that,” she answered.</p>
<p>“Another Edison over-achiever, huh?” Still nothing. She wasn’t biting, today. Maybe he should try something else. But she beat him to it.</p>
<p>“Jeff, seeing my brother was hard, not fun. We’re nothing alike, really, and all I did was upset him. He left early.” He could see the tears well around those eyes.</p>
<p>It was rare for her to even talk about her family, let alone show any emotion where they were concerned. Up until now, she’d never mentioned seeing any of them until this visit.</p>
<p>“I’m sure it will blow over. It was the first time you’d seen him in a long time. Don’t put so much pressure on yourself.” Her mouth, downturned, suggested it was too late for that.</p>
<p>“I don’t know when or if I’ll be seeing him again.” He didn’t understand how anyone could be angry with her, especially her family, who had pretty much just cut and run when she needed them the most.</p>
<p>He sometimes forgot that she really was on her own. Kind of like him. At least he had his mom. Shit, the Study Group really was all she had.</p>
<p>“I’m sorry to hear that, Annie.”</p>
<p>“I haven’t seen my mom in years. Years, Jeff. And now, I’ve pushed my brother away. I am the worst.” He didn’t get why she was so hard on herself. She was the most remarkable person he’d ever known, but she didn’t see that about herself at all.</p>
<p>Family had a way of making you feel like utter shit, even when you didn’t deserve it. He wished he could tell her it got better with age, but it didn’t. He could lie to her this one time, but it wouldn’t change a thing.</p>
<p>“You deserve better, Annie.” She really, really did. He wished he was man enough to give it to her.</p>
<p>“Do I?” Her doubt pierced him directly in the chest. “Anthony was 13 when I went to rehab. I haven’t seen him in 5 years. I invest all of my time here,” her arms gesticulating around her. “Doing, this,” throwing her pen down. It bounced across the table and on to the floor. She didn’t even go to pick it up. “This is all just useless. Nobody really cares about this place. Nothing I do here matters.”</p>
<p>He was used to hearing this line of thinking in his own mind, but the pain in his chest throbbed, watching her suffer through it. That wasn’t acceptable for her.</p>
<p>He stood up and went to the universe of right she’d created on the Study Room wall. More than half of those stars had migrated from To Do to Done, almost completely on her back. He wished she could see what he could.</p>
<p>“When did we fill in a pit?”</p>
<p>“Huh?” She turned around. He leaned against the counter to face her.</p>
<p>“This must have taken a lot of time,” gesturing over his shoulder at her galaxy of work.</p>
<p>“Please don’t make fun of me, Jeff.”</p>
<p>“I’m not. Seriously, you have been giving me the easy tasks. I didn’t even know there was a pit to fill. And Greendale doesn’t do crazy half way, so I’m guessing it was a large pit.”</p>
<p>“They never filled in the old swimming pool when they built the indoor one. So, it was a concrete pit. Very dangerous, although home to some interesting wild life. I think Chang may have used it for a hideout, too, after he tried to blow up the school. We found his hat and epaulets down there.”</p>
<p>The ease at which she spoke about the sheer insanity of this place was scary. It was all true, but she normalized it like she did everything. She’d done something he still hadn’t managed. She’d learned to play the hand she was dealt and find happiness in it. None of this was senseless or hopeless in her mind. It just was their lives, and it meant enough to her to make the best of it.</p>
<p>He was genuinely awestruck, but he always was when it came to her.</p>
<p>“This is pretty amazing work, Annie.” She was still flipping through the pages of her to-do novel, when his words hit her.</p>
<p>“Thanks, Jeff,” her voice sincere but still sad. “If I can get that grant from the state, we’ll be able to landscape the area with some native plants. The pit doesn’t have to stay an open lot forever.”</p>
<p>Leave it to her to turn the formerly dilapidated and dangerous into something beautiful and productive. He wondered what it was like to see the world through her eyes.</p>
<p>“You always see the potential in everything, Annie.” She stopped, pivoting her body to look at him. There it was again, the smile he knew so well, though he wasn’t sure what he’d done to produce it. But it was finally there again.</p>
<p>“And everyone,” she added, before turning back to her work.</p>
<p>There was no way he earned what she was offering. She was entirely too forgiving. She’d known him for 5 years and somehow still believed in him. He had to set her straight.</p>
<p>“Not everyone deserves that, Annie. I hope you understand that now.” Her body stilled, but she kept her back to him.</p>
<p>“I know more about people now than I did at 18. I’ve spent years studying, just like you, Jeff.” She spun toward him then. “You’re always telling me how brilliant and capable I am. And yet, you don’t have faith in what I’ve learned in that time.”</p>
<p>Damn, if she wasn’t a persistent but sneaky player in his little Greendale game. He tried to remain casual while his words weren’t.</p>
<p>“I do. But I’ll own that I may have underestimated you on more than one occasion.”</p>
<p>She snorted, genuinely seeming entertained by him now. “That’s an understatement.”</p>
<p>“Hey, I am man enough to admit you may be better at some things than I am.”</p>
<p>“Glad you’re coming around to my way of thinking. I’d say most things, not some.”</p>
<p>An assured Annie was something he could get used to having around again. He hadn’t seen her in a long time, too long.</p>
<p>“Careful, you’re starting to sound a bit like a Winger.” A crafty, smug little grin crept from her mouth to her eyes.</p>
<p>“Well, you once told me I was just as selfish as you, just not as good at it. Makes we wonder how else we’re alike.” Her words hung in the air, a temptation, when filtered through his mind</p>
<p>Those words, combined with that look, did things to his inner Jeff that were not appropriate for the Study Room in the early morning. Or ever. Because she wasn’t Britta. And he wasn’t the same Jeff anymore. Well, he wasn’t completely reformed, either, which was why this happened next.</p>
<p>“I am pretty sure there are more ways we’ve yet to discover, Annie.” She gently chewed at her lower lip before she countered.</p>
<p>“You sound like you’ve given this some thought.” Shit, danger ahead. He needed to slow down, but for some reason he didn’t. He couldn’t.</p>
<p>And even though he was a bit giddy with adrenaline, he kept going, fueled on Winger instinct.</p>
<p>“That’s a given.” She straightened up in her chair, tilting her head, the smile now fading into an expression he hadn’t seen her own in quite this way before today. “The question is are you as good as I am?”</p>
<p>“Only one way to find out,” she replied simply. Her eyes traveled down him and back again, her eyebrow arched, challenging him in his next reply.</p>
<p>His hands curled around the edges of the counter, gripping them tightly in case he passed out as he considered the meaning of her words. He should have seen this coming. He’d invited it all along.</p>
<p>He wanted it. For. Years.</p>
<p>“Annie.” He attempted to imbue warning in his tone, backing down from stepping over the edge, crossing the line.</p>
<p>But, he’d be lying if he didn’t have other intentions, too. She had to choose. He wasn’t mature or selfless enough to make the right choice for both of them.</p>
<p>“Don’t worry, Jeff, we’re not too much alike.” The course of this conversation was severe and merciless on his simple brain. He couldn’t follow or keep up with her.</p>
<p>In a bid for a moment to collect himself, he let her take the wheel. “Go on.”</p>
<p>“I’m always moving faster than you.” Ironically, she was maturing at the rate of dog years, compared to him. So quickly that it almost leveled the age and experience gap. Almost.</p>
<p>“But that doesn’t mean you’ll catch up to me,” he warned.</p>
<p>“No, that’s true. But the fact is I want to. That is if you’ll let me.” In his heart he wanted to. She deserved that much, but he just couldn’t follow through. He didn’t know how.</p>
<p>“Unless we’re in an Abed Nadir sci-fi original series, that’s sort of impossible.” He was going to have to tell her at some point that the math was more challenging than she may appreciate with the information she had.</p>
<p>“I know you believe that.” She stood up, then, coming close enough that there was almost no space between them. “But in here,” laying her small hand over his wildly beating heart, “we both know you want to give me a chance.”</p>
<p>The air was silent with the exception of the hum in his ears, blood rushing through him. He swallowed, his throat exceedingly dry, unable to push out any words that might form in his head. This wasn’t the first time she saw what was right inside of him. She had been observing him this whole time, a patient scholar of the fucked up mind of Jeff Winger.</p>
<p>But it was the first time she revealed the outcome of her research so directly. She now saw herself in there, in him. And she wasn’t looking away, afraid, like he was.</p>
<p>He was completely paralyzed, unable to say what he should. Her proximity was too much, her words too true. The exhaustion hit him, his head drooping into this chest.</p>
<p>He felt her other hand encircle the top of his shoulder, her whole body extending and leaning in closer. Her warm breath reached his ear before the words.</p>
<p>“It’s ok, Jeff. I’ve already made up my mind. Now, it’s your turn.”</p>
<p>She released him, gathering her things and packing up her bag. The floor was so fascinating and safe, he didn’t dare look up.</p>
<p>This time, her touch and her words left him numb all over. It would take some time before he was able to regain feeling and move again.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0010"><h2>10. Advanced Patriarchal Bonding</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>As Jeff’s birthday approaches, he’s reminded of the bond of fathers and sons.</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Totally love them playing D&amp;D in 5x10, although it made no sense for the season’s story line IMO. </p><p>Didn’t leave me much to work with either. But, Jeff seemed unusually reflective about the father/son bond. So, I ran with it.</p><p>This chapter and the next are probably the toughest of this story. Apologies if it gets a bit rough, I promise I will take care of them in the end.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>When she had a new project, it was hard to say no, which is how he found himself shopping for snacks and drinks for the Hickey and son reunion episode. Little did he know, he was about to get his own dose of family dysfunctional hour.</p><p>They were strolling along, studying the myriad choices of salsa, when Willy Jr. popped up out of nowhere. That kid had a knack for scaring the shit out of him.</p><p>“Hey, Big Bro! Long time, no see.” Christ, why on earth didn’t he shop somewhere else? He’d made a pact with himself to stay away from any places William Senior was likely to frequent when he graced Greendale with his almighty presence. That was the only explanation as to why the junior version was even here.</p><p>He quickly glanced her way, her cartoonish eyes bugging out even more. But she just watched the scene unfolding in silence. She knew enough about this to stay quiet and blend into her surroundings. There was no way he was going to put her through a Winger family scene. She’d had enough family crap herself in recent days.</p><p>“What’s up, man?” He knew it was wishful thinking that his brother actually was more of a man than the last time he saw him. But, it never hurt to try.</p><p>“Not much, really, just shopping with Dad and his latest special lady friend.” That answered his question. A grown man shopping with his daddy and new girlfriend was almost as pitiful as organizing a D&amp;D reunion for his community-college posse.</p><p>“Well, I’ll catch you around.” He caught her eye, nodding his head toward the front of the store.</p><p>“You never called, like you promised.” Annie’s head whipped around, her mouth formed into a disapproving O of disappointment. He did not need this.</p><p>“Jeff, really?” Her voice low but sharply scolding.</p><p>“Look, Willy, I’ve been really busy. I’m sorry. I’ll call you, and we can hang out the next time you’re in town. Ok?” The kid’s face lit up. He really was such a dick, instead of a decent older brother. It wasn’t Willy’s fault they shared source DNA with their ultimate version of a deadbeat dad.</p><p>And just like that, the head douche arrived, a woman not much older than Annie trotting along side him. “Well, if isn’t my two sons.” Jeff hated to admit where he got it from. Just seeing his dad, dripping in arrogance, made him feel so small and insignificant. “Kayleigh, this is my other son, Jeff.”</p><p>And, apparently, they also shared a proclivity for red heads. He stuck out his hand. He did still have some manners. “Nice to meet you.”</p><p>Her green eyes took him in, just slightly moving up and down to assess him further. It was subtle, but the Winger charm knew no boundaries. “Wow, two sons, William,” her mouth turned up in an approving smirk.</p><p>“Yeah, this one is actually a lawyer. You did get your license back, right, Jeff?” He was so glad now he sent that Christmas card instead of visiting like he said. This guy was a bigger dick than he remembered.</p><p>And then, in a sacrificial play, she outed herself to the predators in their midst. “That’s right, Mr. Winger. Jeff passed the bar last summer.”</p><p>His dad’s head snapped in the direction of Annie’s delicate voice. It took everything he had to let those few agonizing seconds pass, watching his dad take her in, frozen in place like a baby elephant about to meet its end.</p><p>“Everyone, this is my friend Annie. Annie, my dad, William and brother Willy Jr. And, of course, Kayleigh.” William’s new squeeze barely acknowledged her. She just studied the shelf next to her, feigning a smile.</p><p>“Nice to meet all of you,” her voice tentative but words genuine. It was like she had a whole new set of data on him to add to that brain. And she didn’t want to miss a second. </p><p>His father continued with his salacious stare, Willy breaking the silence. “What happened to the blonde? I liked her.”</p><p>“Britta and our other friends are waiting on us. So, while I’d love to catch up, we do have somewhere to be.” She took the hint.</p><p>“Great to meet all of you. Maybe we can do it again sometime.” Always playing Ms. Manners, she probably meant it. He wrapped his hand around her arm, pulling her forward toward the checkout.</p><p>Little did she know what she’d unleased. “You have a big birthday coming up soon, right, Son?” He was seconds from losing the contents of his stomach. “You know, I never forgot a birthday. And how could I forget this one?”</p><p>“Yup, that’s right,” he muttered, gripping her arm and pulling her more intentionally.</p><p>“Why don’t we all get together, then? Kayleigh’s family lives here, so we can make it a double date of it on our next visit.” He must have transitioned to another dimension, where his dad attended a polite dinner with the parents of this woman. They were probably younger than the eldest Winger.</p><p>“Do I get to come, too, Dad?” Poor Willy, his name just one of the many strikes against him in life.</p><p>“No, Willy, it’s a double date. Didn’t you hear that part?” And yet, young Willy was optimistic, or clueless, depending on how you wanted to look at it.</p><p>“Maybe you could bring the blonde again, Jeff? She seemed really into me at Thanksgiving.” Jeff wished that giant robot from his commercial would come along and crush him. It would be less painful than this.</p><p>“What do you say, kiddo?” Jeff felt Annie stiffen at William’s words. His dad didn’t just pass on his DNA to Jeff. “Bring Annie and whoever else you like. It’s an important milestone.”</p><p>“I’ll think about it, ok? We really have to get going now.” He tugged her along, and she complied, remaining silent until they were in his car.</p><p>Slamming the door to the Lexus was only a small release. He almost forgot she was there, until he felt her fingers on his shoulder. “Do you want to…” He held up his hand to end the question before it started, abruptly shaking off her hand in the motion.</p><p>“No. I don’t.” He started his car and pulled out of the lot.</p><p>~*~</p><p>He wasn’t sure why he did it. Maybe it was the satisfaction of severing his fantastical father and son tie with Craig by violence. Or it could have been watching Hickey with his son. Either way, when William called, he had softened to the idea. Of course, that was before he started offering fatherly advice.</p><p>“You are bringing that hot, young brunette from the store with you, right?” Jeff’s tendency toward labeling women, rather than getting to know them, was making more sense. It was uncanny how you couldn’t escape your source of origin.</p><p>“No, it will just be me. I won’t be bringing Annie.”</p><p>“Come on, it’s my treat. I’ll let you pick the place.” Like one dinner on his birthday would make up for years of neglect.</p><p>“I have expensive taste, you know. But you only need to pay for me. I don’t do the double-date thing.” His dad just chuckled.</p><p>“So, she really is <em>just </em>a friend.” William couldn’t help himself. He achieved pro douche status early in life. Jeff was beginning to realize what he sounded like to others. He’d regressed on the asshole spectrum since meeting the Study Group, but he recognized a little too much Winger Senior in him. Genetics sucked.</p><p>“Yes, we’re just friends.” They were, even though he hated to admit it. There was no way he would reveal anything else to his dad. Leonard would be a better confidant than his own flesh and blood. Hell, he’d even take a visit from Pierce’s ghost, before he’d ever tell his father a damn thing.</p><p>“Well, it’s your birthday. How about I get Kayleigh to bring a friend. She’s expecting another woman there, you know. Got to keep the little lady happy, right?” A blind date to celebrate his segue to middle-age might be more pathetic than having to ask Annie for a mercy date. Fuck.</p><p>“I don’t need you to get me a date.”</p><p>“Of course you don’t. You are my son, after all.” He may have just thrown up in his mouth. “I’m sure Kayleigh could find someone just right for you. She has lots of cute friends.” The bile continued swirling in his stomach.</p><p>Before he’d even realized it, he was out maneuvered by the master manipulator. “No, not necessary. I’ll bring my own date. Alright?”</p><p>“Great, I’ll look forward to it. Don’t worry, I’ll leave Willy Jr. at home. It will be more fun that way.”</p><p>As usual, it was all about making his dad happy.</p><p>~*~</p><p><strong>Jeff:</strong> Are you feeling generous?</p><p><strong>Annie:</strong> Depends. What do I have to do?</p><p><strong>Jeff: </strong>Remember meeting my dad?</p><p><strong>Annie: </strong>Um, yes.</p><p><strong>Jeff: </strong>I sort of need a buffer for my birthday dinner.</p><p><strong>Annie: </strong>And you want me to be the buffer?</p><p><strong>Jeff: </strong>Yes, or I’ll have to be a total loser and be set up on a blind date.</p><p><strong>Annie: </strong>We can’t have that, especially since it’s your birthday.</p><p><strong>Jeff: </strong>Can we just keep that one in the vault?</p><p><strong>Annie: </strong>Why?</p><p><strong>Jeff: </strong>I’m not really a birthday person.</p><p><strong>Annie: </strong>I’ve noticed you’re not big on gift giving.</p><p><strong>Jeff: </strong>I treat myself. No gifts necessary.</p><p><strong>Annie: </strong>And you don’t like cake.</p><p><strong>Jeff: </strong>Sugar and carbs are not on my list of needs.</p><p><strong>Annie: </strong>You have something against others eating cake?</p><p><strong>Jeff: </strong>No, it’s my birthday. I just want steak and scotch. I’m happy.</p><p><strong>Annie: </strong>Fine. No cake.</p><p><strong>Jeff: </strong>All I ask is you show up.</p><p><strong>Annie: </strong>That’s it?</p><p><strong>Jeff: </strong>Smiling is optional, as is small talk.</p><p><strong>Annie: </strong>Sounds delightful.</p><p><strong>Jeff: </strong>You can say no.</p><p><strong>Annie: </strong>Do you want me to say no?</p><p><strong>Jeff: </strong>No.</p><p><strong>Annie: </strong>Ok. Care to tell me how fancy this non-birthday dinner will be?</p><p><strong>Jeff: </strong>Dress worthy.</p><p><strong>Annie: </strong>Fancy dress worthy? It’s your birthday after all.</p><p><strong>Jeff: </strong>Define fancy.</p><p><strong>Annie: </strong>Non-Greendale. Non-flowery. In other words, Jeff worthy.</p><p><strong>Jeff: </strong>You think I don’t like flowery Annie?</p><p><strong>Annie: </strong>You do?</p><p><strong>Jeff: </strong>What’s not to like?</p><p><strong>Annie: </strong>Oh.</p><p><strong>Jeff: </strong>Yeah.</p><p><strong>Annie: </strong>Ok. Well, I do have more grown-up clothing.</p><p><strong>Jeff: </strong>What does that mean?</p><p><strong>Annie: </strong>I’ve grown up.</p><p><strong>Jeff: </strong>Yes, we’re both getting older.</p><p><strong>Annie: </strong>That’s the point of a birthday, though, right?</p><p><strong>Jeff: </strong>Which is why I don’t celebrate.</p><p><strong>Annie: </strong>That’s just silly.</p><p><strong>Jeff: </strong>That’s me, then.</p><p><strong>Annie: </strong>Then why are you going to this dinner?</p><p><strong>Jeff: </strong>I’d like to think I learned something from you.</p><p><strong>Annie: </strong>How so?</p><p><strong>Jeff: </strong>Are you kidding?</p><p><strong>Annie: </strong>I haven’t reconciled with my family.</p><p><strong>Jeff: </strong>But you’re willing.</p><p><strong>Annie: </strong>I am. But it takes two.</p><p><strong>Jeff: </strong>So my dad is trying.</p><p><strong>Annie: </strong>He is.</p><p><strong>Jeff: </strong>He’s still a total dick.</p><p><strong>Annie: </strong>That doesn’t mean you have to be like him.</p><p><strong>Jeff: </strong>True. But I do have his DNA.</p><p><strong>Annie: </strong>Nature isn’t everything.</p><p><strong>Jeff: </strong>It’s hard not to notice his nature in me.</p><p><strong>Annie: </strong>Of course, everyone has that problem.</p><p><strong>Jeff: </strong>That’s not what I meant.</p><p><strong>Annie: </strong>You’re both tall.</p><p><strong>Jeff: </strong>It’s more than that.</p><p><strong>Annie: </strong>Is this some kind of ego stroking exercise?</p><p><strong>Jeff: </strong>No. Quite the opposite.</p><p><strong>Annie: </strong>Then what?</p><p><strong>Jeff: </strong>His girlfriend.</p><p><strong>Annie: </strong>What about her?</p><p><strong>Jeff: </strong>Come on.</p><p><strong>Annie: </strong>You both have a thing for women?</p><p><strong>Jeff: </strong>You are showing no mercy.</p><p><strong>Annie: </strong>Nope.</p><p><strong>Jeff: </strong>So it doesn’t bother you?</p><p><strong>Annie: </strong>Haven’t we already been through this?</p><p><strong>Jeff: </strong>Maybe.</p><p><strong>Annie: </strong>Let it go then.</p><p><strong>Jeff: </strong>I can’t.</p><p><strong>Annie: </strong>Then maybe I’m not the best buffer.</p><p><strong>Jeff: </strong>You are.</p><p><strong>Annie: </strong>Then, it’s settled. I’ll dress to impress.</p><p><strong>Jeff: </strong>You don’t need to impress me.</p><p><strong>Annie: </strong>It’s your birthday. Of course I do.</p><p>~*~</p><p>When she showed up at his front door, she more than impressed him with her choice of dress. Dumbstruck was probably more accurate. She did a small twirl for him in the doorway. “So?”</p><p>“I don’t miss the flowers anymore.” She dropped her eyes, a faint blush of pink painted her porcelain skin, accentuating the effect on him. “Blue is definitely your color.”</p><p>“I’m glad you like it,” her smile a little triumphant. “Ready?”</p><p>No, he’d never be ready for this night. But, with her there, he’d be ok.</p><p>“Now that you’re here, I am.”</p><p>~*~</p><p>He should have known this night was too good to be true. There was no way he deserved to have her on his arm, looking like she did. An exercise in family dysfunction was unworthy of her. William Winger confirmed this fact as soon as they arrived.</p><p>The old man reached out and took her hand, planting a kiss on the back of it, not unlike he did the first time he met her in the Study Room. Gross. He hoped she’d forgotten that move.</p><p>“Annie, my dear, you are lovely.” Her smile was genuine, at least it looked it.</p><p>She glanced at Jeff, very subtly, before she answered. “Thank you for having me, Mr. Winger.”</p><p>“Oh, please, call me Will.” That was new. I guess it sounded younger or something. He couldn’t help but wonder if Abed was secretly following him with a camera.</p><p>Either way, the only way through this little family reunion was with alcohol. He and Will Senior were of one mind on this front, having already ordered their drinks and wine before they even had a chance to settle into their seats. At least they had similar tastes on the alcohol front. He was going to need it to get through this night.</p><p>He let the scotch warm him from the inside, hoping this was over soon.</p><p>~*~</p><p>By the time the champagne arrived, he’d had more than enough to drink. His state of mind did not go unnoticed.</p><p>He was pretty much immune to the smell of her, having sat close to her all night. That is until she leaned directly into his upper arm, the soft slopes of her breasts visible to him. “Jeff,” she whispered.</p><p>“Hmm,” his mind was swimming, not just in alcohol.</p><p>Her hand rested on his leg, now. Shit. “Are you going to be able to drive?” That was a definite no.</p><p>“Mmm, probably not.” He felt her warm breath on his neck, as she blew out a sigh.</p><p>The pop of the champagne startled her, and she gripped his leg even tighter. Her soft breasts pressed into his arm, enhancing the effect of the alcohol.</p><p>“Ok,” she answered softly, before detaching herself from him. He drew in a steadying breath to clear his mind of her.</p><p>The waiter placed a glass in front of each of them. Jeff had no desire to drink anymore. He just wanted to get the hell out of this restaurant. The normal control he felt over a brain saturated in scotch was non-existent. His dad lifted his glass.</p><p>“To my eldest son, Jeff. He looks pretty good for a man of his age.” He could feel the nausea rise, wondering if he was going to be outed right there.</p><p>Kayleigh smiled at his dad. “Should I give it to him, Will?”</p><p>“Sure, go ahead.” His dad winked at him across the table. Nothing good could come of that.</p><p>Kayleigh stretched across the table, a devious glint in her eye. “We got a few gifts for you, Jeff.” There was a big envelope, accompanied by a small bag.</p><p>Jeff just sat there, looking at the glittery bag, his father smirking at him from across the table. “Well, go on, then. Don’t be rude. Open your gifts, Jeff.”</p><p>He could feel Annie’s hand on his thigh again. He only glanced at her for a moment, but she gave him a tiny squeeze as he did. “Um, thanks. You didn’t have to get me anything, though.”</p><p>“Nonsense. It’s important to celebrate big birthdays.” Jeff could only hope that his dad or Kayleigh, whoever picked out the hallmark greeting bomb he was about to open, did not get one with a giant 4-0 splashed across it. That wasn’t exactly the way he wanted to tell her.</p><p>Luckily, it was a subdued, muted card, befitting a man of a certain age and taste. Inside were two rectangular pieces of paper. Jeff just looked at his dad.</p><p>“It’s our favorite spot in Maui,” Kayleigh smiled, clapping excitedly and bouncing in her seat.</p><p>He felt Annie nudge him slightly with her elbow, hand still resting on his leg. “Wow, uh, thanks.”</p><p>William tipped his glass at him. “I’m sure you two will have a great time. And, to make sure you do, we got you something else.” His eyes fell on the sparkly bag. The sick feeling in his stomach returned.</p><p>Kayleigh tittered from across the table. Jeff wanted to climb under the table and slither out of the restaurant on his stomach. Instead, he straightened up, recognizing he had Annie to take care of. This had to be uncomfortable for her, too. “I’m sure we will. Thanks guys. I’ll save this for later.”</p><p>William just chuckled. “So, should we finish up the bottle and go somewhere else then, kids?” He winked at Jeff again.</p><p>“I kind of have an early start tomorrow,” Annie chimed in, sweetly. Thank, God. He unclenched the fist he didn’t even realize he’d made. “But this was just lovely. Thank you for including me.”</p><p>~*~</p><p>By the time they reached his place, he’d nodded off. “Jeff, we’re home,” her hand rubbing his leg.</p><p>“Huh?” He opened his eyes, and she was paying the driver. “Annie, no.”</p><p>“Too late. Consider it an early birthday gift. Let’s get you upstairs, ok?”</p><p>As they made their way to his door, he thought of the myriad apologies he owed her for the night. But just getting the key in the lock and opening his door took all of his energy. Finally, he managed to get the door open, flip on the light in the entryway, and make sure he held the door open for her. He still had some manners, though most had gone astray.</p><p>She tossed her bag on the entryway table, before walking off into the dark of his condo, turning on lights as she went. “Ok, if I get some water before I head home?”</p><p>He followed her voice, finding her rooting around in his cabinets for a glass. He dropped his gifts on the counter. “Are you ok to drive?”</p><p>“Probably not. I’ll call Abed or get a cab home.”</p><p>“Does he even know you were with me?”</p><p>“No idea. He’s been kind of reclusive since Troy left. But, he did make up with Rachel, so he may not even be home anyway.”</p><p>“I can come and get you tomorrow, after I sleep off this night. Or, you can stay here. Your call.” Normally, he would have thought more about offering the latter, but his words got away from him. That was unusual, but this whole night was an anomaly.</p><p>Her wrinkled brow alerted him to the implication of what he offered. “I think I should go, Jeff. Unless you need anything?” There were many ways he could respond to her, but none of them would be constructive in his condition.</p><p>“No, I just need sleep.” She nodded in agreement. “Thanks for coming with me tonight, Annie. I owe you one.”</p><p>She smiled, a little twinkle in her eye. “You’re taking me to Maui should be more than enough to even the score.”</p><p>Christ, for a minute he forgot. “About that, sorry.” He slumped down on one of his stools, wishing he could forget that part of the night.</p><p>“Sorry for what? I’ve never been to Hawaii before.”</p><p>“You know what I mean.”</p><p>She propped her elbows on the counter, twining her fingers together, before resting her chin on them. She was enjoying this. “I have no idea what you’re talking about.”</p><p>“My dad and his girlfriend,” choking on the last word. “I’m just sorry. You are a class act.” He rested against the back of his stool. He was so tired.</p><p>“Jeff, do you really think that bothered me?”</p><p>He looked at the little bag, sitting on top of their trip to paradise, wondering what his dad could have been thinking. He looked back at her, “I just …” his eyes fell to the bag again. “I hope they didn’t embarrass you, that’s all.”</p><p>“Why don’t you just open it? Promise, no matter what’s in there, I will not react.” She stood up, crossing her finger across her chest.</p><p>His shaking head answered before he could get the words out. “No, no way.”</p><p>She snatched it off the counter. “What if I do it?”</p><p>“Annie, no,” trying to sound forceful but feeling nothing like it.</p><p>“I’m dying of curiosity, Jeff. Please.” She set it down in front of her, pretending to look inside. “Just a peek.”</p><p>He shucked off his jacket and threw it on the chair next to him. “No matter what’s in there, I’m not going to apologize for it.”</p><p>She giggled at him, one side of her mouth bending into a little smile. She opened the bag, pulling out a smaller, plastic bag. Her eyes tightened, brows following, her lips moved as she silently read the packaging to herself. “Your dad and his girlfriend are kind of jerks, Jeff.” She dropped it back in the bag.</p><p>He pulled the bag from in front of her, extracting the gift again. “Age Reverse Life Extend Power. What the…” Fuck. Leave it to his dad, the ultimate liar, to make sure Jeff never forgot his own nature.</p><p>But it was his lie, and at some point, it would come out. He let the bag fall, rubbing his now sweaty palm along the back of his neck. He looked at her, finding what he always did there, if he let himself.</p><p>“As a former big pharma rep, I advise you not to take that unless you get someone to translate the ingredients.”</p><p>As usual, she let him off the hook when he needed it. “That’s sound advice from Futurza’s finest.” Once again, he’d made a clean getaway. Or so he thought.</p><p>“And definitely don’t mix pills with alcohol,” her tone turning serious.</p><p>“Yes, ma’am,” he teased, saluting her. He couldn’t let on how much the gift got to him.</p><p>Drumming her fingers on the counter, now, she kept her eyes on him. “Do you think it really works?” She was completely earnest in her question, not a hint of playfulness to be found.</p><p>“Well, if my dad is any indication of its effectiveness, then maybe it does.” Her fingers stilled, her head nodding in agreement.</p><p>“He does seem pretty comfortable with Kayleigh.”</p><p>“He doesn’t appear to feel conflicted about his life’s choices. Then again, he never did care much what other people thought of him.” Her eyes fell to the bag again before she continued.</p><p>“You, however, maybe care too much.” She didn’t know everything, but she was partially right.</p><p>“I’m not sure that is entirely accurate.”</p><p>She pushed off the counter, coming around to the other side of the bar of his kitchen. The fabric of her dress moved with her, hypnotizing him as she approached. “I’d say it’s completely accurate.”</p><p>He did care what <em>she</em> thought. That much was true. She stopped in front of him, their bodies more in alignment, with him sitting and her standing. It would be so easy to just reach out and bring her in. He wanted to. Needed to. Eyes downcast, his words stalled his desire to act.</p><p>“Caring what people think of me makes me a better version of myself, Annie.”</p><p>He desperately wanted to be Jeff 3.0 because since he returned to Greendale, again, he was fairly certain he was regressing, not improving. Wait, no, maybe if he took those pills, he could be Jeff 1.0 again. That would fix everything.</p><p>Her hand slid up his knee, stopping midway on his thigh. The other hand curled around the side of his leg, and she came even closer.</p><p>“What’s wrong with this version?”</p><p>So much was wrong, she had no idea. And yet, it didn’t stop him from placing his hand on the small of her back, pinching the silky fabric of her dress between his fingers.</p><p>He raised his head, forcing himself to let her see. Hiding from her was no longer an option.</p><p>“How much time you got?” She didn’t indulge him.</p><p>“Don’t, Jeff.”</p><p>“Don’t what?” She answered him, with a feather-light kiss.</p><p>“Annie,” barely able to form the two syllables before she covered his mouth with her own. The hand on her back instinctively gripped her tightly, her own hand responding in kind. Oh, God, oh, God, oh, shit.</p><p>The kiss was slow, like his mind, but it sharpened each nerve that connected with her. Unlike the last kiss they shared, there was no urgency. No thought of getting caught. He just let it happen, allowing the numbness to spread out across his body, a perfect elixir that both calmed and electrified him.</p><p>She swiped her tongue across his lip, amplifying the dizzying effect of the alcohol already saturating his decision-making abilities. He steadied himself with her, wrapping a hand around her neck, opening to her and inviting the intensity of her kiss.</p><p>The memory of her, like this before, washed over him. It unearthed the same thoughts that stopped him the last time. But he wasn’t sure he could do it again. Everything was different now. Well, not everything.</p><p>“Jeff,” she pushed out through her breath as it quickened. Thankfully, she was smarter than him. She could probably see what a bad idea this was.</p><p>He withdrew from the kiss, trying to give her the space he thought she needed. But, she wasn’t asking for that, nope, not at all. He’d seen this look before. Those soulful eyes searching his. Shit, it was up to him, then.</p><p>“Annie, you should probably go.” Somehow, he’d strung a coherent thought together. Yeah, him.</p><p>She kissed him, just briefly, shaking her head left to right. “I think,” her voice sounding more confident than he felt, “we should finish celebrating your birthday properly, first.” As drunk as he was, her words slapped a sober hand across his brain.</p><p>He blew out a long, labored breath, before inhaling much needed oxygen. She backed away, his hands sliding off of her.</p><p>“No, Annie,” he leaned forward, reaching for her, but she was already too far away.</p><p>“It’s ok. I, um, get it, Jeff,” she stuttered, eyes glued to the floor, hands twisting themselves together. “You’re right I should go.” Jesus, he really was no better than his dad.</p><p>Actually, he was worse. His dad wasn’t lying to her, forcing her to do all the work without all of the information.</p><p>“Wait, Annie,” he called after her.</p><p>She was already in the entryway of his condo, when his words caught her. She didn’t turn around. “Why? It’s time for me to leave. I get it.”</p><p>He stood, approaching her slowly. “I need to explain,” his words, still talking to her back.</p><p>“Explain what? What could you possibly have to tell me that you haven’t made clear repeatedly over the last 5 years. I may be slow, but I think the message has finally reached me.”</p><p>He shoved his hands in his pockets, steeling himself for the words that he was about to say. It didn’t matter anymore. Just rip the band-aid off and be done with it. It was time.</p><p>“I, um…” she turned then, and he was faced with the mess he’d created. Those eyes were glossy with the tears he’d put there, again. Even still, she stood up straight and tall. She was much more courageous than he could ever be.</p><p>“What? And this better be good,” her biting words only strengthened his resolve. She asked for it. She wanted to know.</p><p>“Annie, I need you to really listen.” Her body was rigid, eyes tight and guarded.</p><p>“I am. Just spit it out already.” She wanted honesty. He guessed he owed her that much.</p><p>“My birthday is sort of a problem for me, especially this next one.”</p><p>“Seriously? You are so vain. Get over it, Jeff. We’re all getting older.” He deserved that. Her words sharp, voice irate, was something he could handle.</p><p>“Yes, that’s true.” She stoically waited, exuding anger instead of understanding.</p><p>“This year, I am turning 40.” He said the words slowly, emphatically, so she couldn’t ignore them.</p><p>Her eyes widened momentarily, registering his meaning. They darted away for a few seconds, fixing on something beyond him, but appearing to work at gathering her thoughts.</p><p>Crossing her arms, she took a defensive stance. “This is the big reveal?”</p><p>“Uh, yeah. You can’t tell me you knew that already.”</p><p>She threw up her hands, eventually slapping them against her thighs, an exasperated huff followed.</p><p>“No, I never knew exactly how old you were. But <em>I am not</em> the one who cares. That’s you,” stomping her foot against the floor. “But I know it matters to you, so I can’t fight it.”</p><p>There was no way this was an inconsequential fact. Once again, her lack of experience in the world only made his reasoning seem ridiculous. He wasn’t interested in trying to change her mind. And she wasn’t completely wrong. It mattered to him but not for the reason she assumed.</p><p>“I’m sorry, Annie. I really am. I shouldn’t have lied all these years.”</p><p>“I don’t recall it ever coming up, so you didn’t lie. I’ve known you were older than me for 5 years. I’m not oblivious to math, as you know.”</p><p>“A lie of omission is still a lie. And, it’s almost worse, because you didn’t have all of the information to understand me. Now you do.”</p><p>“I do. And it’s convenient for you, isn’t it? Now, she lost him completely.</p><p>“Not at all. What would be convenient is if those pills I got for my birthday actually worked. That would change everything.”</p><p>“No, it wouldn’t. That’s not what this is about.”</p><p>“Like hell it wouldn’t, Annie. It would change everything if we were closer in age.”</p><p>“I know you believe that. I really do. But it’s more than that. I see that now.”</p><p>“Look, I’ve tried to make you understand. But it’s easier for you to disregard the gap in our life experience. You have your whole life ahead of you to make mistakes and learn from them. I don’t.”</p><p>“That’s just not true. You need to let that go. It’s all in your head, Jeff.”</p><p>“I wish that you were right, but you’re not.”</p><p>“This truth between us is relative, Jeff. It only matters what we think.”</p><p>She was certain she was right, but she didn’t know what was ahead of her. She had no idea what she could be. He had to disavow her of the crazy idea of them. It wasn’t right for her. He wasn’t right for her.</p><p>“Well, let’s be clear on what I think. I am an almost 40-year-old failed lawyer, who now teaches at the crappiest community college in Greendale. I drink just enough that I am bordering on unhealthy, and I am as shallow as a puddle when it comes to women. In what world is this good for you?”</p><p>“I grant you all of those facts. You are everything you said.”</p><p>“Thank you?” He would gladly change any of those things for her, if he could. But the risk for her was too high. He could never promise her anything. He was a losing bet.</p><p>“But, just for a moment, take away the age thing.” She acted like that wasn’t what tipped this situation out of their favor.</p><p>“And?”</p><p>“Everything else. All of it. That can change if <em>you</em> want it to. I would argue, in fact, the rest of it isn’t even true. But I’ve tried that. I believe in you. But that doesn’t matter if you don’t.” She was so close to winning him over, but she could never know that.</p><p>“You cannot rewrite the facts of my life to meet your own outcome, Annie.” He didn’t mean to be condescending, but something in his tone clearly got through.</p><p>“No, you’re right about everything, Jeff. I’m wrong.” Her voice lacked some of the emotion he’d come to expect when things got too tense between them. Maybe he’d finally done it.</p><p>“I am sorry our night ended like this, Annie. Thank you for going with me.” There was no attempt at a smile to make him feel better. And even though he hated to let her go, it was the right thing to do. It had to be.</p><p>“I’ll always be here for you, Jeff. I hope you know that.” She opened the door and let herself out.</p><p>Once again, he was alone.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0011"><h2>11. A Case Study in Self-Actualization</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Jeff’s anxieties clash with his desires.</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>I found episode 5x11 confusing and sad. It’s been said before by many others, but I hated how cavalier everyone was when Jeff almost killed himself. It set up the plausibility of his self-destructive storyline, which ultimately ended the season and continued in Season 6. Yuck.</p><p>This is where my story takes over. Sorry, this was tough to write and maybe, if I did it justice, tough to read. </p><p>It will get better. I swear. I want nothing but happy endings for my favorite couple.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>She hadn’t answered any of his messages in days. He missed her. He needed this to be ok. He’d thought about her for so long, he was pretty sure he was dreaming in Annie. And every time the conclusion was the same.</p><p>He’d heard people have the same dream over and over again. For him, it was absolutely the same dream. But he always woke up, which is why he wished it would just go away. It was more a nightmare than anything, when the dream ended.</p><p>He was 2 glasses in to his memorial Macallan 40, courtesy of Pierce, when he finally heard from her.</p><p><strong>Annie:</strong> HBD [balloon]. I’d offer you [cake], but I know how you feel about that.</p><p><strong>Jeff:</strong> Thank you.</p><p><strong>Annie:</strong> Got big plans?</p><p><strong>Jeff:</strong> The biggest.</p><p><strong>Annie:</strong> Want company?</p><p><strong>Jeff:</strong> You’re not mad anymore?</p><p><strong>Annie:</strong> I was never mad.</p><p><strong>Jeff:</strong> Sure.</p><p><strong>Annie:</strong> Believe what you want. I was not mad. I am not mad.</p><p><strong>Jeff:</strong> I don’t really feel like doing much. Rain check?</p><p><strong>Annie:</strong> Of course.</p><p><strong>Jeff:</strong> What are you up to then?</p><p><strong>Annie:</strong> Studying. The norm.</p><p><strong>Jeff:</strong> Looking for an excuse to get out of that?</p><p><strong>Annie:</strong> Right, that’s so my style.</p><p><strong>Jeff:</strong> And I am?</p><p><strong>Annie:</strong> I think we’ve been over that.</p><p><strong>Jeff:</strong> We have.</p><p><strong>Annie:</strong> If you change your mind, you know where to find me.</p><p><strong>Jeff:</strong> I do.</p><p><strong>Annie:</strong> No one should spend their birthday alone.</p><p><strong>Jeff:</strong> I’m not alone. I have a friend with me.</p><p><strong>Annie:</strong> That friend is no friend. Call me if you need a ride home.</p><p><strong>Jeff:</strong> Whoa, assume much?</p><p><strong>Annie:</strong> And?</p><p><strong>Jeff:</strong> Ok.</p><p><strong>Annie:</strong> Promise?</p><p><strong>Jeff:</strong> Promise.</p><p>~*~</p><p>He was flying, but it felt like he was falling. His heart raced uncontrollably, and he was struggling to breathe. He opened his eyes, and there was strange light and then color exploded all around him. He wished to close his eyes and block it out, but he could not.</p><p>“Jeff,” her voice echoed in his head, breaking through the bizarre miasma all around him. Her iridescent eyes glowing, hair wild and blowing in the wind, was all he could see. There she was. “Can you hear me?”</p><p>Her clothes were strange but accentuated all of her technicolor assets. She was familiar and comforting, but she didn’t seem to know him. “Who’s Jeff? And who’s with you?”</p><p>There was a strange voice with her, shadowy but similar to what he heard around him. He covered his ears, trying to stifle the confusing sounds. But he could still hear her clearly. “Greendale Community College, Borchert Hall, Room D-503. Please, hurry.”</p><p>“Tight Ship, don’t give away the secret code. Cobra is going to find us.” His head rattled with the explosions outside their fort. “Ugh, Tight Ship, Buzzkill, 3 Kids, Fourth Wall, hurry, we need to make a run for it.”</p><p>Her voice reverberated in his head, stabbing at it as he ran for cover. “Jeff, don’t try to talk. Just relax, ok?” Her voice was panicked but reassuring.</p><p>“Hurry, everyone, Cobra is coming.” They ran and jumped behinds some boxes, barely missing the fire coming from the sky. The battle continued all around him. It was interspersed with these strange visions of little boys and a place called Greendale.</p><p>Even though they wanted to go to this place, Greendale, he did not. The thought of it filled him with a strong desire to waste time and give up on his goals in life. All he wanted was to be a good G.I. Joe.</p><p>“Oh my God, Jeff,” her voice was sad but softer, fading away. “Do something, please, he’s having some kind of attack.”</p><p>“The real Jeff Winger is in actual jeopardy,” Fourth Wall pleaded, looking to his animated platoon for help. “He’s being controlled by a giant child. You need to escape him, Wingman,” his expression now more emotive than his real-life doppelganger.</p><p>“I am him. I chose this. I don’t want to go back to this place called Greendale.”</p><p>There was no way Jeff wanted to return to a place where he failed. He could be whatever he wanted to be here. He could start over.</p><p>“Jeff, please, please don’t die,” her voice still rattled with a strange echo in their two-dimensional world. The fear and sorrow in it, though, matched the tears that ran down her face, a river on continuous loop.</p><p>He looked at her. She was right there. It would be ok. “It’s alright, Tight Ship. We’re safe.”</p><p>“Please, don’t go, Jeff. Just hold on.”</p><p>“I’m not going to die, Annie.” Those eyes blazed and held him in their grasp. “You can’t be killed in here. We’re immortal.”</p><p>He grabbed her hand and ran for it, just as Cobra’s fire hit their location. Then, everything went black.</p><p>~*~</p><p>He held the birthday mug in his hands, glad he could hold anything that was real. He’d really fucked up big time, even by Jeff Winger standards. Hallucination, dream, whatever happened to him, he couldn’t hide in his man child’s mind. He was going to have to face her eventually.</p><p>She’d played along with the group, knowing full well he was full of shit. It was all very funny, more Jeff vanity to sweep under the giant rug of things that he didn’t want to deal with.</p><p><strong>Annie:</strong> I’m picking you up tomorrow. No is not an option.</p><p><strong>Jeff:</strong> Ok.</p><p><strong>Annie:</strong> They’re discharging you at 8. Be ready.</p><p><strong>Jeff: </strong>Yes ma’am.</p><p><strong>Annie:</strong> That’s more like it.</p><p><strong>Jeff:</strong> I’m sorry.</p><p><strong>Annie:</strong> Yes, you are.</p><p><strong>Jeff:</strong> Hey. Be nice. I’m old now.</p><p><strong>Annie:</strong> Older but not wiser.</p><p><strong>Jeff:</strong> You are not wrong.</p><p><strong>Annie:</strong> Get used to that way of thinking.</p><p><strong>Jeff:</strong> Already am.</p><p><strong>Annie:</strong> Nice try. I am sort of mad this time.</p><p><strong>Jeff:</strong> I know. You have a right to be.</p><p><strong>Annie:</strong> Thank you. I needed that.</p><p><strong>Jeff: </strong>I really am, really sorry.</p><p><strong>Annie:</strong> I hope you realize an apology isn’t enough.</p><p><strong>Jeff:</strong> I do.</p><p><strong>Annie:</strong> Good.</p><p><strong>Jeff:</strong> See you in the morning?</p><p><strong>Annie:</strong> Yes. I’ll be there.</p><p><strong>Jeff:</strong> I know you will.</p><p>~*~</p><p>His whole body ached, racked with the rancid hangover that comes with alcohol poisoning. There would be no rest for the stupidly old and should know better demographic. As if to punctuate his humiliation, they had to wheel him out to her, like the sad sack he was.</p><p>Carrying his belongings in a plastic bag and the reams of paper that accompany a stay of this nature in a hospital, he followed her into the parking lot.</p><p>He heard a familiar sound, as she jingled her keys. “You’re driving my car?”</p><p>“You have a problem with that?” She probably didn’t want an honest answer.</p><p>“Just be careful.” She stopped abruptly. Her face looked over the top of the Lexus, devoid of any particular emotion he could identify. He played it safe. “Sorry. Thank you for picking me up.”</p><p>She gave him a quick, business-like nod, her lips pursed. “That’s more like it.”</p><p>This was going to be a long ride home.</p><p>~*~</p><p>They didn’t talk, at all, on the drive. She was either taking her responsibility of driving the Lexus seriously, or he was in big trouble. Probably both.</p><p>“Did you want to come up for a minute?” It was doubtful. She’d had enough of him to last her two lifetimes, make believe or otherwise.</p><p>“Sure, I have a minute.” She followed him, silently. It was eerie. He’d never known her to have so little to say before.</p><p>He held the door for her, hoping he hadn’t left the place in disarray. Like that mattered. His life was the mess he should be thinking about. It just felt too big.</p><p>She stood in the middle of his living room, just waiting on him. For the first time since she picked him up, he allowed himself to really look at her. And he could see it all over her face. He wished for a brief moment that he could return to that other dimension that almost claimed him for good. But, that would be worse, for her, so he sucked it up as best he could.</p><p>He dropped his bag, moving past her to sit on the couch. “Want to sit for that minute?”</p><p>She hesitated, examining his front door and then him, before deciding.</p><p>“Ok.” She placed herself as far away as she could from him, sitting rigidly against the arm of the couch. That was probably deserved.</p><p>“Should we watch something,” his hand reaching for the remote. That was the best he could do right now.</p><p>“If that’s what you want to do,” she answered indifferently, staring forward in the direction of the television.</p><p>This was going to be all kinds of fun. He flipped the channels, wondering what you watch on television when you’re trying to distract someone from the deep despair they feel at your hand. This was not his normal Tuesday morning. Maybe a nature show would help. On TV, death was a part of life, made palatable by the soothing voice of David Attenborough.</p><p>Having arrived at a station, he took a short breather, resting his head back on the cushions of his couch. He could barely hear her breathing. It was almost as if he was alone, but he was far from it. Very far.</p><p>He rolled his head to the left, just to make sure she was still there. She’d wound herself into a tight ball, her body wedged into the cushions. She didn’t blink, eyes staring vacantly at the television. He was pretty sure if he said anything, she’d snap and fly across the room like a tiny rubber band.</p><p>Her head turned toward him, and what he saw almost took his breath away. Dark circles held her directionless, empty eyes. He’d finally managed to extinguish the light that was always there. Like a coward, he looked away, focusing on the ceiling, before he spoke.</p><p>“I know sorry is not enough. But it’s the best I can do right now, Annie.”</p><p>He wished she would leave. It would be so much easier. This was at odds, of course, with his profound desire for her to stay with him. Forever. That kind of thinking was what got him in this mess to begin with. It would do her no good to have that information, quite the opposite.</p><p>“Making amends is important, Jeff. But you’re not ready for that, yet.”</p><p>“Well, can you tell me what I am ready for?” He needed something to go on. There was so much he could do wrong. The pile was already so high as it was.</p><p>“I’m not sure I can. I am not a trained professional.” Her tone was absent feeling, robotic. Fuck. “I am not the best person to advise you on how you should deal with what is happening to you.”</p><p>He shifted his head back in her direction. He could see a tear drawing a line down her face, even as she stared ahead. He’d give anything, anything to stop it. She wiped at her cheek, sucking in a few jagged breaths.</p><p>“I really hate myself right now for putting your through this, Annie. I wish I could take it back.”</p><p>Her breathing became more labored, as she struggled to maintain what composure she held. He wondered if she’d even slept in the past 2 days. He was pretty sure he knew the answer.</p><p>“I know you do,” her words slightly garbled, straining to contain the emotion. “But you can’t. It’s not that easy.”</p><p>“What can I do? I’ll do anything. Just don’t be sad anymore.” He could hear the desperation in his voice. It paled in comparison to what he was managing inside, which fortunately, she couldn’t hear or see.</p><p>Even though she still faced the television, he could see her cheeks pushed up by the smallest smile. And then, she finally turned to look at him. She’d never been one to hide from him, and he could see it all.</p><p>He knew that look. He’d seen it on his mom’s face so many times. It was the face of someone who loves you but can’t take your pain away. When you’re a child, it’s comforting, soothing. When you’re a grown man, it’s soul crushing, especially if you’re the one who put it there. God, he was such a fucking moron.</p><p>“You can call me next time you’re in trouble. Before it’s too late.” Her words wormed into his brain, lodging there.</p><p>That couldn’t be all. There had to be more. She’d already decided there would be a next time. His heart sped, fighting the urge in his mind to flee. If it was possible to physically rip yourself in two, he was as close to it as he ever felt.</p><p>Or maybe it was the outsized panic that he’d dealt the final blow to their friendship. It was the feeling of her giving up on him. He’d wished for it many times, but that was before he had an inkling of what it would truly feel like if she did.</p><p>Despite the complete loss of control going on inside of him, he needed to focus on her. The time for being a self-indulgent prick would come when he was alone. He shifted closer to her, slowly, not unlike the lion on the television, hoping to catch its meal before scaring it away.</p><p>She tightened her arms around her body, as if she might fall to pieces if she let go. He gently curled his fingers around her upper arm, tugging momentarily, until she opened into him. There was no resistance at all. She let go, every limb collapsing into his body. The weight of her comforted him more than any glass of scotch ever could.</p><p>“I will. I promise, Annie.” God help him, he meant it.</p><p>He felt the soft tendrils of her hair brush his neck, as she nodded against his shoulder, acknowledging his words. Somehow, she still believed. Her body shuddered against his as he quietly whispered a few more promised words into her ear. They were all going to be kept. He had no choice.</p><p>He held her like that, Attenborough’s soothing brogue filling the space around them. Eventually, she fell asleep. And then, he did, too.</p><p>~*~</p><p>His phone buzzed in his pocket, waking him. She was still asleep, completely molded into him. He dug his phone out, trying not to move too much and wake her.</p><p><strong>Fake Blonde Therapist:</strong> You home?</p><p><strong>Jeff:</strong> [thumb’s up]</p><p><strong>Fake Blonde Therapist: </strong>You need company?</p><p><strong>Jeff: </strong>[thumb’s down]</p><p><strong>Fake Blonde Therapist: </strong>You ok?</p><p><strong>Jeff:</strong> Yes.</p><p><strong>Fake Blonde Therapist: </strong>She ok?</p><p><strong>Jeff:</strong> I think.</p><p><strong>Fake Blonde Therapist: </strong>You think?</p><p><strong>Jeff:</strong> She’s asleep.</p><p><strong>Fake Blonde Therapist: </strong>Good. Abed said she hadn’t slept. At all.</p><p><strong>Jeff:</strong> I know.</p><p><strong>Fake Blonde Therapist: </strong>How?</p><p><strong>Jeff:</strong> I could tell.</p><p><strong>Fake Blonde Therapist:</strong> Did she tell you?</p><p><strong>Jeff:</strong> Tell me what?</p><p><strong>Fake Blonde Therapist: </strong>Shocking. Never mind.</p><p><strong>Jeff:</strong> No. Tell me.</p><p><strong>Fake Blonde Therapist: </strong>She found you. If it wasn’t for the dean working late, she would have been all alone.</p><p><strong>Jeff:</strong> Oh.</p><p><strong>Fake Blonde Therapist: </strong>Yeah, you jag.</p><p><strong>Jeff: </strong>I deserve that.</p><p><strong>Fake Blonde Therapist:</strong> You do. But later. You scared us.</p><p><strong>Jeff:</strong> I know.</p><p><strong>Fake Blonde Therapist: </strong>If you need me, I’m here.</p><p><strong>Jeff:</strong> Thanks.</p><p>~*~</p><p>He missed her, but he had to let her go. If she didn’t have to study for an exam tomorrow, he was pretty sure she’d be camped out on his couch, keeping vigil on his sorry ass. But a brief conversation with Abed, and she was convinced they needed some quality time together. This should be great fun. At least he’d had a nap to prepare.</p><p>He opened the door. “Jeff, or should I call you Wingman,” the preying mantis eyes in full effect, tracking his every movement.</p><p>“No, Jeff is fine.” He foisted a bag at Jeff, pushing past him into the main entry to his condo. “A belated birthday gift, for little old me, you spoil me.”</p><p>Abed cocked his head, eyes open wide, his observation meter on full throttle. “So you really are Jeff Winger. Fascinating.”</p><p>“Glad I can entertain,” setting the bag down on the counter.</p><p>“It’s so much more than that, Jeff, don’t you know?”</p><p>“Seems I may have been talking in my sleep.”</p><p>Abed’s non-smile reached his eyes. They pulsed and stretched with some form of excitement, only Abed understood. Clearly, this was like a wet dream for him.</p><p>“Maybe a little. You’re the only other person I know, besides me, to break the fourth wall and live to tell about it.”</p><p>His intense gaze bore into Jeff’s mind, as if he was trying to tap into his memories. “We are connected, not just in this world but in others, too.”</p><p>Jeff’s guilt over his little episode, tempered his frustration with Abed’s meta commentary. He’d only barely made some kind of peace with Annie. He wasn’t sure a 2-for-1 Study Group reconciliation was possible, just barely a day shy of almost offing himself.</p><p>“I feel closer to you already,” he deadpanned.</p><p>Abed’s eyes nearly popped out of his skull. He needed to be careful not to unleash too much Study Group on himself in one day. It was somewhere on the Jeff spectrum of doable to play the Abed game, but he’d expended most of his energy on Annie. She needed it more.</p><p>“Was I there, Jeff? With you?”</p><p>He hadn’t really been to sleep yet, so it was bound to cloud his normal defenses. But he played along.</p><p>“Sure, you were there.” He was, but that’s all there was to it. They were all there, like always. “You helped me, too. You all did.”</p><p>Abed remained silent, his eyes rolling up in thought, before he responded.</p><p>“It’s odd, though, isn’t it?”</p><p>Everything about a grown man creating a cartoon-like alternative reality on the precipice of death was odd. He didn’t really want to go beyond the surface of strange, especially not with Abed.</p><p>“I’m not sure what you mean, but I think you’re going to tell me anyway.” Abed’s patient gaze unnerved him. It was usually followed by an in-depth analysis of his character. He really didn’t need this right now.</p><p>“Annie saved us both. When we were, you know, having sort of a break from this universe.” His fingers pointed out and then down at the floor, to demonstrate his point.</p><p>“Abed, are you having another mental break now?” It was maddening to be analyzed by someone who’d had multiple psychotic episdoes himself.</p><p>“Not today, Jeff. But clearly, you are still in recovery from your own.”</p><p>“I drank too much scotch, Abed, and added in some pills. I’m not proud of it, but it happens. People mess up. I messed up.”</p><p>“Jeff, but your story isn’t over. Our show needs to go on.”</p><p>“We are not on a show, Abed. This is not TV.” Jeff wondered how many times he’d have to say that again in this lifetime.</p><p>“Does that make it ok, then?”</p><p>“Make what ok?”</p><p>“That you tried to stay.” Jeff wasn’t following. He was too damn tired for this.</p><p>“Abed, we are not characters. We’re people. This is real life. What happened to me was a substance-induced hallucination. Ok?”</p><p>“I know that Jeff. TV and movies are practically my life. But I don’t want to be in one permanently. Do you?”</p><p>“What? No, I’m not insane, Abed.” Although, he was starting to question his choice in friends.</p><p>“Then why did you want to escape <em>this</em> world, Jeff?”</p><p>“What the hell are you talking about, Abed? I’m here, so obviously I wasn’t trying to escape anything.”</p><p>“Jeff, I’d like to believe that’s true. And yet it’s coincidental, but very cool, that you created a different world where we were all in it. But one where nothing changes, just bad animation on a constant loop.”</p><p>Fuck, that was exactly what he did. He should probably call that therapist first thing, especially since Abed was starting to make actual sense to him.</p><p>“Abed,” lightening his tone. “I think I’m supposed to be resting. Can we hit pause on this episode of my life and watch one of your movies? I’d like to get to bed early.”</p><p>And just like that, Abed granted him the Pavlovian response he needed. He grabbed the bag, fishing out some microwave popcorn.</p><p>“I brought that special seasoning Annie makes, just for when you come over.” He shook the container, like it held some kind of enchanted pixie dust. It was possible it did. She made it after all.</p><p>Best to get this night started so it could finish. He took his favorite spot on the couch.</p><p>“So what’s playing in the Winger Emporium of Shame this evening?”</p><p>Abed ignored the self-deprecatory comment, thankfully. He hadn’t meant to provide any more material to his friend than he already had. He was just so tired.</p><p>“I brought the Sixth Sense, Ghost, and Up,” he answered from the kitchen.</p><p>And definitely not in the mood to participate further in Abed’s character deconstruction exercise.</p><p>“Come, on. Seriously?”</p><p>“What? They are the perfect mix of couples separated by death. I have a new topic to study now that I’ve observed one person’s reaction to that possibility.”</p><p>Gentle popping sounds filled the chasm of silence created by Abed’s voice over of Jeff’s very special episode. Clearly, Abed wasn’t interested in letting him off as easily as Annie had.</p><p>“Ok, stop it. I get it.”</p><p>Abed came to rest on the couch, his quiet, watchful expression back and completely focused on Jeff.</p><p>“Do you?” With Abed it was hard to tell if that was a genuine question or just an attempt at sarcasm.</p><p>Jeff sunk down in the cushy pillows, squeezing his temples, trying to hold his head in one piece.</p><p>“No, I don’t. But I am sorry for what I did to Annie. To all of you.”</p><p>“I don’t really get it either, Jeff. Not completely because I am unable to experience the depth of feeling of someone like Annie.”</p><p>Abed clapped him on the shoulder, harder than he’d have expected. It wasn’t a friendly gesture, and Abed wasn’t all skin and bones, either.</p><p>“I’ve talked to her Abed. We’re good.” Sort of anyway. She wasn’t angry or crying. By his standards that was progress.</p><p>“She’s pretty forgiving. I should know. But I can tell you this because I know you’ll appreciate it. After watching her, I got as close as one can to true fear of loss, without experiencing it myself. Ethically speaking, I couldn’t clone you like Troy. That is without your consent. But, I was scared, too, Jeff. That we’d never see you again, at least in this dimension,” he qualified.</p><p>If he hadn’t felt like a loser before, he did now. He’d managed to draw some form of emotion out of Abed, too.</p><p>He selfishly wanted to feel sorry for himself and the weight he bore for his stupidity. Instead, he fought to find something more befitting a grown man.</p><p>As mixed up as he was, they actually cared about him. More than maybe he cared about himself. That was worth something. It was worth fighting for.</p><p>“Ok, I’ll watch 2. We each pick one. Deal?”</p><p>Abed winked, pointing two finger guns at him, before leaping up to get the popcorn.</p><p>“Welcome back to our show, Jeff.”</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0012"><h2>12. Metacognition in Adult Males</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Jeff struggles to deal with the change all around him.</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>I never bought that Jeff and Britta lacked so much self-awareness that they would conclude getting married was a good idea. Jeff especially regressed in canon at this point, and that just made me sad for him as a central character.</p><p>My version of 5x12, and this whole story in general, tried to respect the character arc and story line that started the show, with special attention to my favorite couple.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>If he wasn’t completely certain before, he was sure now that his life was a cruel joke on him. The thought of going from Greendale has-been to Subway Sandwich School lifer was more than his anxiety-ridden brain could process. Forever was a long time, well it used to be. But he could feel time slipping away, now, and he couldn’t leave this place with nothing. The last 5 years of his life in this oversized sewer of a school had to mean something.</p><p>Annie operated under the false assumption that he was content at Greendale, settled even. That couldn’t be further from the truth. If settling meant quietly accepting your reality via copious amounts of scotch, then she was right. He was starting to realize, post Wingman episode, that he couldn’t passively just let life happen. This Subway thing was just one more reason to fight his slow roll into complacency.</p><p>But there was no way he could put words to what he really wanted. It was too soon. He’d barely recovered from his foray into juvenile psychosis. Trying to convince himself, let alone her, that he was reliable, worthy of her, was not even on his radar for execution.</p><p>Though he had no plans to go back to cartoon-land, he did wish he had that submachopter so he could make a hasty retreat from the Subway episode of his Greendale existence. Life was not handing out free passes to Jeff Winger, so he needed to ground himself in some way.</p><p>In search of an anchor, he was drawn to the Study Room. It was here he confronted his fallibility so many times before. In his near-death fantasy, it was here he was brought back to his real life. So much had happened in this room. Maybe if he sat inside of it, he could recapture some of his mojo. He needed something to believe in - a way to reconcile the present with what came next.</p><p>Sitting in his seat, the darkened space pacified him, despite the bare walls that were being primed for Subway’s signature colors. If he closed his eyes, he could see them all around the table. He felt the warmth and promise of the family that embraced him, even when he’d done his best to reject them.</p><p>Rejection was a funny thing. Jeff mastered and wielded it in a way that Annie never understood. It was a survival technique. The fact that he could never close her out completely said more about the depth of his feelings for her than any Winger speech ever could. He realized that was a total cop out, of course. But denying her, time and again, was really the only way he could show her how much he cared. He wasn’t the man she thought he was, or wished he was. He was that broken.</p><p>“Hey,” a familiar voice greeted him. It was serendipitous that the two of them would end up here at the end. It was how it all began.</p><p>“Care to have a seat? One last hurrah around the study table?” She smiled, a genuine one.</p><p>“That seems fitting. It was just you and I at the beginning,” dragging out her chair, a wizened look on her face, her eyes keeping close watch on him.</p><p>“If we wanted to bookend this story, we could have sex on the new study table,” he was joking on some level but not completely opposed. He was grasping. He was pretty sure that would decimate their friendship for good.</p><p>Her smile turned sheepish. “As tempting an offer as that is, I’ll have to pass. That’s not the way this story is going to end.”</p><p>“Ok, Abed.” He thought he could rely on her to do something stupid.</p><p>“If I was Abed, I’d tell you all the reasons you and I are a bad idea, Jeff. But is that really what you need to hear?” Maybe Britta wasn’t as clueless as she pretended.</p><p>“I’m not exactly sure what I need, Britta.”</p><p>“Given your recent birthday episode, I’m going to stay away from therapizing you, Jeff.” He already had one, a real licensed one.</p><p>“I’m happy to report that’s not necessary.” She toyed with her fingers, watching them lace in out of each other.</p><p>“I’m glad to hear that.” He didn’t doubt it. There were many times her instincts about him were spot on. She sincerely did care.</p><p>“But, before I go and clean out my locker, I’ll leave you with this one thought.” He knew she was incapable of turning herself off when it came to fixing him. He was a special case, he’d grant her that.</p><p>“I’m not sure there’s much you can say to me that my therapist isn’t already, Britta. Not that it will stop you, of course.”</p><p>“I am your friend, Jeff. This is friendly.”</p><p>“Somehow I doubt that.”</p><p>“Just because you’re too much of a boy to be a man, doesn’t make any difference to me, Jeff. But it’s Annie I’m concerned about.” He could not do this with her. No way.</p><p>“That’s none of your business, Britta. Annie and I are fine.”</p><p>“Annie is my friend, too. You both are.” He tried not to lose his patience. But everyone was always pushing him, especially Britta.</p><p>“Out with it then.”</p><p>“In your little make believe world, we were all just caricatures. I get it. But there’s a reason you heard her the most, even though we were all there, Jeff. All of us.”</p><p>He could feel his hackles rise, which wasn’t fair to her. Despite the fact he wanted to lick his wounds alone in the corner, he’d taken them all on this ride with him. He had to acknowledge that on some level. He owed them that. So rather than deflection, he chose directness.</p><p>“What do you want from me, Britta?” She looked at him earnestly, taking a deep breath before she spoke. For once, she seemed to consider her words before sharing them.</p><p>“I want you to be ok. Ideally, more than ok.” God, even Britta was going soft on him. He must be in serious shit after all.</p><p>“I want the same thing.”</p><p>“Then stop feeling sorry for yourself. Your 10-year-old brain isn’t in charge, Jeff, you are.”</p><p>“Britta, my head is off limits to you, remember?”</p><p>“We nearly lost you, Jeff,” her voice almost inaudible.</p><p>“But I’m here now. I fought to come back. I did.”</p><p>“Yes, but even before you went G.I. Jeff on us, you’d already given up on yourself. You decided that you were done, being you. And that’s not true, if you don’t want it to be.”</p><p>“I think the last 5 years proves exactly who I am. This is me, Britta. I’m a dead end.” She cocked her head, one side of her mouth screwed up in a smile.</p><p>“We both know that’s what you tell yourself. That story is keeping you here. You can set yourself free if you want.”</p><p>He got the distinct impression his little family may have been comparing notes. It didn’t occur to him they might actually be trying to help him. That they actually cared enough to try.</p><p>“Britta, you know who I am. You’ve always seen through me.” This was his Hail Mary. She was going to catch it and spike it in the end zone. He could count on her. Or so he thought.</p><p>“While that may be true, I can appreciate what’s beneath all of this,” waving her hand at him. “Despite this stuff you paint yourself with on the outside, you can do better than that. She deserves better than that. And, more importantly, so do you.”</p><p>“Come on, Britta. You and I are adults. We’re not Annie and Abed.”</p><p>“As much as I hate to admit this, Jeff, you <em>are</em> a better man than I would have imagined when I first met you.” </p><p>“Britta, you don’t need to do this. I know who I am. What I am.”</p><p>“So does she, Jeff, she always did.” This was not the place he expected her to go.</p><p>“Britta, I appreciate what you’re trying to do, but it’s wrong.” He leaned back into his old chair, looking up at the ceiling. He needed to say it out loud to someone so they could validate him. “I’m wrong. For her.”</p><p>There, he’d admitted it. He felt a giant weight lift off of him. Britta was going to side with him. She had to. But instead, she just laughed.</p><p>“Is that what you’re doing in here, Jeff?” She waved her arms around the Study Room. “You’re trying to talk yourself out of it still?”</p><p>“No. I was sitting here, pondering the offer to be a professor of Sandwich Law. I should probably get back to that vital grown-up decision. Apparently, the offer comes with a lifetime supply of sandwiches.”</p><p>She contemplated him for a moment, her eyes moving around the room before fixing on the door to the Study Room.</p><p>“I’m pretty sure there is a better offer out there for you, if you're willing to take it.” She smoothed her hands over the table and back. “But, it’s not here, Jeff.”</p><p>His head shook away her words, trying to keep them from his mind. “I wish that were true, Britta.”</p><p>“It is, Jeff. It has been from the start.” She stood, then, making her way to the door. “That’s your story, if you’d let it be.”</p><p>~*~</p><p>The plastic toys on his desk probably should go in the trash, not in a box, but he’d had them a long time. He could still be a grown up and have collector items that were toys. He wasn’t that old. Besides, maybe one day he’d have a son of his own.</p><p>He may be middle-aged but everything still functioned like he was 25. Fuck, if only those pills actually worked. He could start all over again.</p><p>Not like now. There was no way he could stay at Greendale and be a professor of Sandwich Law. He had nothing to offer her now, not that he had much before. Maybe it was time for the man child to nut up and die.</p><p>People did it all the time. Wasn’t that what kept life from being pointless? No matter how ridiculous her choice was, she continued to choose him. Would she choose for better or worse? Should she?</p><p>If he listened to the action figures in his live drama, they all wanted him to find his way with her. Or maybe just find his way in general. Annie wasn’t responsible for helping him grow up. She had her own life to live. And now that Greendale was being sold, she could finally set her sights on bigger things. Bigger and better than him.</p><p>He catalogued the books now lining his shelves. Some of them were courtesy of her of course. But, he had added his old books to the collection, too. He actually was learning something about the law again by teaching.</p><p>If he took stock of his little Greendale hovel, he couldn’t ignore that it looked professional, almost befitting an actual lawyer. It reminded him of the once palatial office he lied his way into, always fearful he’d lose it.</p><p>Somehow, he’d rediscovered some part of his former self, no matter how hard he tried to run from it. Normally, he didn’t want to invest too much in anything because then he had nothing to lose. Ever.</p><p>It was easier to move on. It was less painful.</p><p><strong>Annie:</strong> Need any boxes?</p><p><strong>Jeff: </strong>Maybe. Where are you?</p><p><strong>Annie: </strong>Abed and I are on the way to the dean’s office.</p><p><strong>Jeff:</strong> I think I’m good.</p><p><strong>Annie:</strong> If you need help, let us know.</p><p><strong>Jeff: </strong>I will.</p><p><strong>Annie:</strong> Let me know before you leave.</p><p><strong>Jeff: </strong>Ok?</p><p><strong>Annie:</strong> We have to go over some notes for the last meeting.</p><p><strong>Jeff: </strong>Why do we need a last meeting?</p><p><strong>Annie:</strong> We need closure.</p><p><strong>Jeff: </strong>The boxes are our closure.</p><p><strong>Annie:</strong> Please.</p><p><strong>Jeff: </strong>Ok. But no participating in one of Abed’s plots to save this place. It’s over.</p><p><strong>Annie:</strong> …</p><p><strong>Jeff: </strong>Please. I just want it to be over.</p><p><strong>Annie:</strong> Well, I don’t.</p><p><strong>Jeff: </strong>I know.</p><p><strong>Annie:</strong> So one last meeting?</p><p><strong>Jeff:</strong> Sure.</p><p><strong>Annie:</strong> I’ll let the group know.</p><p><strong>Jeff: </strong>Ok.</p><p>~*~</p><p>So much for promises. The three of them danced around the study room like buried treasure was going to save them. And they thought he had a psychotic break. Shit, at least he was living in the real world now, even if he wanted to believe them. That light was back in her eyes. She really did love a challenge, even if it was a middle-aged man with daddy issues.</p><p>“Stop! This is ludicrous. There’s no treasure hidden in this place. We inhaled enough toxic fumes last year. We don’t need to go sniffing around in a basement, where we’ll likely get asbestos poisoning next.”</p><p>“It’s not ridiculous, Jeff. We can’t give up.” The tears seemed to come from nowhere. But he knew better. “We can’t,” her voice cracking. </p><p>He was speechless. “Jeffrey, you made Annie cry,” Shirley chided him, taking Annie in for a hug.</p><p>“Well, now that Greendale’s being sold, at least it will be the last time.”</p><p>Her laser beams were on in him in a flash. “Jeffrey, you’ve put all of us through enough,” her mom voice in full effect. “You owe us this. One last time.”</p><p>Annie continued to hold onto Shirley, as Abed sealed his fate.</p><p>“Buried treasure, buried treasure, buried treasure?” The smiles around the table shone with hope. But the eyes that mattered most, as always, pleaded their case.</p><p>“Fine, we’ll look for one hour. But the sale will be over today.” He looked at her again, trying to hold the line, even though he hated to disappoint her. But he needed to release her. It was time. “And then, we have to let go, ok?” She nodded, her lower lip trembling.</p><p>“Winger, we still have to find the secret door to Borchert's lab. So, it may take longer than one hour to get the blueprints from the city.” Hickey was an even bigger sucker than him for a tearful Annie. Jesus.</p><p>“Ok, two hours, but that’s it.”</p><p>He hadn’t given up completely, but someone had to be the voice of reason. Maybe there was money under this dump. If anyone could will something magical into existence, it was her.</p><p>~*~</p><p>They were still waiting on Shirley and Hickey to come back with the blueprints, when she showed up unannounced, boxes in hand.</p><p>“I know you have a lot of books, so I thought you might need these.” He was hard at work on his mindless pursuit of fruit. Besides, he’d already cleared everything out after the meeting.</p><p>Her eyes fell on the empty bookshelf.</p><p>“Oh, you already packed up.” Once again, he’d managed to disappoint her by deciding their mission was doomed before it started.</p><p>“I had a lot of time, so, I, um, decided it was best to just pack up my car. Hickey can probably use them. He’s got a ton of crap. Fifteen years is a life sentence here.”</p><p>She set the boxes down on Hickey’s side of the room, eventually taking the seat across from him. “So, how are you feeling these days?”</p><p>He tossed his phone on the desk. “About as well as I can.”</p><p>She slanted her head to the side, bestowing a tiny smile on him. “That sounded like a direct answer.” This felt like a normal exchange. Sort of.</p><p>“What can I say? I’m getting in touch with my inner Jeff. Therapy works wonders.” That should do it. They could move on now. Serious was boring and tedious.</p><p>“Britta would be so proud,” she answered with an approving smile.</p><p>It seemed like she was ready to move on as well. He wanted her to know he made good on the promise he made to her that day on his couch. But, the rest was up to him. She’d already saved his life once.</p><p>“That is what I live for. Her approval.”</p><p>A small wince crossed her face, her body reacting momentarily, before she recovered. Old habits were hard to break, for all of them.</p><p>“Just like always,” irritation now faintly woven into her words. Maybe they weren’t old habits yet.</p><p>“Annie, I need to say something to you, but I have a feeling it won’t come out right.” She focused her eyes down in her lap, picking at her nail.</p><p>“You should know by now you can tell me anything, Jeff. Maybe if you had acted on that knowledge sooner, things could be different.”</p><p>He didn’t need to go down this road today. It was too soon. Their losses were too great for her to accept the truth.</p><p>“Never mind. It’s not the right time.” Her eyes shot up, widening, eyelids blinking rapidly.</p><p>“This could be the end of all this,” a slight panic in her tone, arms flapping around her. He hated to tell her that wouldn’t be the worst thing.</p><p>He’d do anything to make this right, even if it meant hurting himself. As much as he wanted to believe there was a future for them, there wasn’t. She needed him to say it.</p><p>“That is likely the outcome of this story, Annie,” subtly gesturing between them. She got it, though, her mouth turning down in response to his meaning. But, she sat up straight in her chair.</p><p>“You seem very sure of everything now. So, say what’s on your mind, for real, Jeff.” He could try. She needed to see what he saw. Then she couldn’t argue.</p><p>“I’m sort of like Greendale, Annie.”</p><p>She scoffed at the analogy, giving him that patronizing yet patient Annie face. She could piss him off and pacify him simultaneously. It was confusing as hell.</p><p>“You’re going to have to give me more than that, Jeff. I can’t read minds.” Honesty was all he had. She’d already seen him at his worst. No harm in just telling it like it is.</p><p>“My time has passed. And like this place, I may not be worth saving.” His logic was infallible if you really knew him. And now, she did.</p><p>Her body recoiled, her voice tight. “Jeff, please don’t say things like that.”</p><p>“I’m not saying anything that isn’t true.” He wished she understood the price he paid to tell her the truth. He’d spent his whole life hiding these thoughts from himself and the world. She was getting more out of him than he was normally capable of giving. That was the heart of the problem all along. She simply wouldn’t accept the real him.</p><p>The wells of her eyes were wet, beautiful, reflective pools in the crappy lighting of the room. God, he could get lost in that oasis so easily if he let himself.</p><p>“Do we have to do this now?” Her voice broke.</p><p>He was on a roll. She couldn’t expect him to stop. It wasn’t fair. “I think we do. I’m happy to go on an adventure with you one last time. But it will be the last time.”</p><p>Her eyes fell closed for a moment, giving him a reprieve.</p><p>“But we might save Greendale. It could happen,” her voice low, barely more than a whisper.</p><p>“I hope that it does. I really do. And if we’re successful, then you will finish your degree and move on with your life. You’re going to do great things outside of this place.”</p><p>Her eyes slowly opened, and she pushed herself out of her chair. Crossing her arms, she started a short march before his desk. He’d seen that face before. Todd never stood a chance. And that was just over a yam. No one came between Annie Edison and an A.</p><p>She gripped the back of her chair, channeling that energy into him. “What about you, though?”  </p><p>“Whether I stay here or not, doesn’t mean you should. You see that, right?”</p><p>“No, actually, I don’t,” she answered tersely.</p><p>He could do this. It was the right thing to do. She just needed a little push, away from him.</p><p>“I wouldn’t stay here for you, Annie. Look around you. I’m ready to go. I want to go.”</p><p>“I know you really think that, Jeff. But we both know your game.” The look in her eye, full of Edison resolve, stunned him. She wasn’t backing down.</p><p>He was beginning to feel like a hostile witness in this case. “Oh, yeah, you think you know so much about me?”</p><p>“Five years is a long time. It’s almost a quarter of my life.” Ouch, she knew how to hurt a guy. But she gave him exactly what he needed to turn this argument to his end. He wanted his peace of mind back. It was long overdue.</p><p>“Precisely. There’s so much more to life than Greendale, Annie. Don’t waste any more of your life here than is necessary.”</p><p>A sneaky smile, barely perceptible, curled at the ends of her mouth. “I could say the same to you,” her voice oddly confident considering where this conversation was headed.</p><p>Strangely, she seemed to forget who she was dealing with. He was one Winger move away from ending this. Finally.</p><p>“Yes, but it’s not a springboard for me. It’s the end. That’s the crux of our issue. You’re at the start, and I’m at the finish.”</p><p>She started her pacing again, arms still crossed. “We spent the same amount of time here, isn’t that true?” Her voice sounding curt, almost clinical.</p><p>“Technically, no. I graduated early, remember?” She was already playing loose with the facts of their case. She should know better. Rookie mistake.</p><p>“But, in general, we spent the same amount of time here, especially with the Study Group. And we shared the same experiences. Isn’t that true?”</p><p>“As I stated in my previous answer, it’s not 100% true.” She stopped, pressing her lips tightly together. Yeah, her patience was waning, but she asked for it. “I’d say it’s close to true,” he conceded. He was a gentleman, after all.</p><p>“Didn’t we also start here together?”</p><p>“Yes. I’m not sure what bearing that has on anything.”</p><p>“When we started here at Greendale, would you say we were successful in our lives?” Jesus, not this again. Their lives couldn’t be more different.</p><p>“It’s a matter of how you define success,” trying not to sound condescending. Just the same, he needed to school her a little.</p><p>“Well, a college where you’re already accepted, doesn’t fit my definition. Or at least it didn’t used to.”</p><p>“I would concur.” She tried to suppress her amusement. But he could see it in her eyes.</p><p>“So, when we met, we were not monuments to success. Is that fair to say?”</p><p>“Agreed.”</p><p>“But, each time we teamed up - together...” She paused, going for dramatic effect he supposed. It was a trick he knew well. “We were successful, isn’t that so?”</p><p>He had to search his memory for what seemed like more than a full minute. It took some time to think through 5 years of your life, even if they were Greendale years. She wasn’t completely wrong or right.</p><p>“We didn’t catch the bandit. And, we lost at hot lava,” smirking at her. She’d overplayed her hand.</p><p>She seemed to lose her train of thought, her eyes darting back and forth, calculating how to answer.</p><p>“I would say success, in both of those cases, was relative.”</p><p>“Careful, Annie, relativism is a weak argument at best. Facts are what matter.”</p><p>“Ok, then, let’s talk facts.” Her tone serious, her eyes locking on his. “In all of the times we teamed up, did you enjoy it?” He wasn’t aware that was even in question. Of course he had, every last minute.</p><p>“That’s irrelevant, Annie.”</p><p>“Is it?” Shit, she had him cornered.</p><p>“Yes, the question you really want me to answer is whether we make one another successful.” He was starting to break a light sweat. A triumphant smile played across her face.</p><p>“I wasn’t aware you were asking the questions, here.” Her eyes danced, now, watching him squirm.</p><p>This was taking a bit more effort than he thought possible. But he was experienced in the art of tap dancing through an oral argument. That much he knew.</p><p>“Everything, before now, is history. You can’t ignore the present, Annie.”</p><p>“I believe in the law, they call that precedent. Did I get that right, Professor Winger?”</p><p>For the love of God, she was evil. But, in the best fucking way possible.</p><p>“Just because we have a pattern of playing games, here…” rolling his head, gesturing at the new home of Subway, “… does not mean it will work out there - in the real world,” he added.</p><p>“Jeff, if I recall, we were out in this so-called real world, separately.”</p><p>“And you see how long we lasted.” She was making this too easy.</p><p>“When we weren’t together, you mean?” Crap, she was right. “And, when we were together, even if it was here, how’d we do then?”</p><p>“That’s besides the point. Greendale is going to close, and we’ll be back out there again, Annie.” He was so done arguing, not just because he was losing. Admittedly, she was wearing him down.</p><p>“And, if Greendale closes, then we’ll be together when it does.”</p><p>“I guess.”</p><p>“So, how is it that this time we’ve been here, together, is a beginning for me but an ending for you?”</p><p>“I don’t know. It just is.”</p><p>“Jeff, you’re the great orator of Greendale. That’s the best you can do?” It was.</p><p>“Yes, Annie. That’s the problem. Despite all of your very capable arguments, otherwise, I can’t be what you want me to be.”</p><p>His words stilled her. She stopped moving, her eyes boring into him with a renewed intensity.</p><p>“Do you even actually know what I want from you?” This had to be another trap.</p><p>There couldn’t really be a right or wrong answer he guessed. This wasn’t a test or a game. She kept telling him that, so maybe it never was.</p><p>“No, I suppose I don’t.”</p><p>He could hear the pull of air through her lungs. It was that quiet in his office now.</p><p>“Do you want to know?” Her voice was shaky, lacking the poised control from just moments before.</p><p>There had to a right answer here. But it had to be one he could actually handle at the moment. It also had to be one he meant, for real. He was done playing games with her.</p><p>Therapy wasn’t a total waste of time after all.</p><p>“I do. But, I need you to let me ask when I’m ready.”</p><p>Those eyes grew larger and softened. She returned to the chair facing him, taking a seat. Her normally straight posture relaxed, the tension almost gone.</p><p>Was it possible he did something right here?</p><p>“Can I expect you to be ready sooner than 5 years from now?” She wasn’t letting him off too easily, of course. But she seemed to respect the boundary he drew.</p><p>“You are kind of demanding, you know?” That knowing smile, the one that understood him, returned. He hadn’t seen it enough lately. He was glad he could still bring it out in her.</p><p>“I’d like to think of it as future oriented.” This version of them. This is what he missed.</p><p>“It’s a fair request. I’ll see what I can do.”</p><p>“I’m not getting any younger,” she answered, a slight twinkle in those eyes. Damn if she wasn’t becoming the master of his game.</p><p>She’d turned this whole conversation to her advantage, using his arguments and crafting them to her own outcome. It was pretty fucking impressive. And effective.</p><p>“I could say the same, but we both know that I defy every cliché about aging, with the exception of the one related to fine wine.”</p><p>“Sure, there’s nothing cliché at all about this situation,” waving between the two of them.</p><p>He laughed, for the first time in a very long time. There was a weightlessness in him now, and a warmth inside him that directly found its home in her.</p><p>It was like she had some indelible hold over him, which he couldn’t break. He’d tried to turn her away, and she’d held on somehow. What the hell was it about her anyway?</p><p>All of a sudden, the thought of spelunking around Greendale with her for an afternoon seemed appealing.</p><p>“Now, we can add hunting for buried treasure to our list of misadventures. I’m sure nothing could possibly go wrong rooting around the unseen places of Greendale.” Her mega-watt Annie smile returned.</p><p>It was a window into the soul of a person he was lucky enough to have in his life. It really was a beacon, lighting his way even when he intentionally turned away. It was always there.</p><p>“That’s the spirit, Jeff. I knew you couldn’t resist.” He really couldn’t resist her, not even in the beginning. He’d put up a valiant effort at least.</p><p>Still, he wondered what might be possible if he let go and stopped trying to fight against her. Maybe this would turn out differently if he chose to fight just as hard for her.</p><p>It dawned on him that might be what she was asking for, nothing more. Maybe, just maybe, he was capable of that much.</p><p>If he let himself dream a little, it was possible it wouldn’t even be a fight at all. It would be easy.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0013"><h2>13. Effective Communication Strategies</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Jeff gives in – enough said. 😊</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Last episode of regular Season 5, 5x13. I try to remind myself this could have been the end of the show, so they kind of left us with a cliff hanger. </p><p>Don’t worry, I wouldn’t do that to you. The additional chapters I have planned let me get a bit creative in my ending. This one’s a little long because there was a lot to do.</p><p>Also, warning, this is where the mature rating comes into play.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>He was pretty sure Duncan’s getting fried by live wires, the ensuing fire, and the school board banging down the door were just a taste of what lie ahead on this Greendale mission. Even if there was buried treasure in the catacombs of this place, he was sure it would be tinged with some loophole of crazy that only Greendale could deliver.</p><p>But, truthfully, he was just along for the ride this time. He was more than happy to let the rest of them take the lead through the portal to Russell Borchert’s den of iniquity.</p><p>The time capsule beneath the teacher’s lounge was affirmation that Greendale held onto people, places, and things and never let go. When the door to the secret lab opened, Russell Borchert himself embodied the essence of what a man lost to Greendale could actually become. Borchert sacrificed decades of his life in pursuit of his passion, wasting his talents and fortune on a dream befitting the madness that was Greendale.</p><p>The shell of Borchert would need to be dealt with gently. It wasn’t every day you found out that your life’s work meant nothing. Jeff knew that first hand. Despite Borchert’s realization that he wasn’t on some coke-filled high, and it was now a new millennium, the man still held out hope that his creation would work.</p><p>But they needed the gold. It was the only thing that would save this miserable toilet of a school from becoming a purveyor of over-processed $5 sandwiches.</p><p>It wouldn’t be easy to convince this 70s reject hermit to see it their way. He promised her he’d try to save Greendale. But, Borchert wasn’t ready to give up his dream, just yet.</p><p>“Sir, I hate to be the one to tell you this, but Raquel has stolen the best years of your life. There’s still time for you to have an existence beyond this. But you have to take that chance, now, before it’s too late.”</p><p>Even though he’d been down in the basement for years, Borchert still had an almost illogical faith in his vision. He was willing to fight for his DOS-based sweetheart, giving her everything he had, even when it seemed like she gave nothing in return. And, of course, it appealed to the person in the room who chose optimism every time.</p><p>“Jeff, guys, just stop. Just let him be.” She was always the voice of reason and hope. But this time, it was too much to continue feeding her fantasy.</p><p>“Annie, if you want to save Greendale for real this time, we need to take that gold. It’s our only chance.” He expected her to issue another booyah for their seeming victory, but instead she defied his expectations, yet again.</p><p>“Since when do we decide whose dreams are those worth following? We have to trust and respect each other to want what we want. That’s what Greendale means to each of us. It’s what it means to him.”</p><p>Despite Borchert’s dirty, raggedy exterior, he was made more appealing when you saw it  through her eyes. Leave it to her to give up her own dream to make another’s possible. Jesus, if he didn’t have faith before, he did now.</p><p>“If it’s money you need, go ahead and take mine. Just leave Raquel and I alone, and I grant it all to Greendale.” He pointed across the room. “It’s right there.”</p><p>She turned, walking towards a sizeable duffle bag. She hoisted it over her shoulder with two hands. It looked like it weighed half as much as she did. “Um, how much money is it?”</p><p>“Well, back in the 70s, it was millions. Probably not worth the same today. But, no matter, you can have it. Just close the door on the way out,” he asked, casting his eyes on Raquel.</p><p>He could hardly believe it was that easy to save Greendale. But, of course, it never was. The school board’s Beavis and Butthead were on them before the celebration could commence. Closing the door behind them, the Study Group found their fate sealed, just like Greendale’s, once again.</p><p>~*~</p><p>Trapped beneath Greendale seemed a fitting end for them. At least it was an ending anyway. In reality, they would be out in a few hours when Borchert’s metallic Frankenstein rebooted herself. He wasn’t sure about the emotional aptitude of a programmed machine, but he did know something about contracts. Turns out, the city couldn’t sell Greendale without Borchert’s consent. In a Greendale appropriate twist, however, they would have to rely on Borchert’s nipples to open the door.</p><p>“I suppose it’s possible to get out of here sooner. But that would require a feeling so powerful that Raquel’s emotional component could jump start the mainframe.”</p><p>Before Craig could offer to use Jeff as a conduit for a blast of human passion, he stepped up instead. He had strong feelings for all of them, of course, but they were vastly different. Maybe something inside him was enough to open the stupid door. It couldn’t hurt to try.</p><p>“Everyone, over there. Turn around.” They lined up, backs to him, as he put on that silly tin-can headset.</p><p>He wasn’t exactly sure if he had any emotions intense enough to match Borchert’s nipple obsession. The man had been down here more than 30 years with no other outlet but Raquel.</p><p>Perhaps his desire to leave Greendale would be enough. So he started with Craig.</p><p>It was Craig’s inept management of this place that led them here to begin with. He was reminded of the Humphries case and his disillusionment when he realized that Greendale may not be the home he first thought it was. He directed his bitter thoughts at Craig, willing that resentment to open the door and set them free.</p><p>Raquel’s frown did not move. It was, however, emblematic of Jeff’s attitude toward their dean on most days. Nonetheless, the door didn’t budge.</p><p>Britta was next. Maybe his impulsive attachment to sleeping with her would be the push Raquel would need. Even though Britta always denied his sexual potency, he was fairly sure the pleasure she felt with him had to outmatch the dirty nipples of Borchert.</p><p>Try as he may to channel his base desire into the metal Lolita, again, there was nothing. Apparently, Raquel craved more than mere sexual satisfaction from a stud like Jeff Winger.</p><p>Abed was someone who understood Jeff better than all of them combined. At least he was able to read Jeff like he was a character in a script. Maybe their otherworldly alliance, coupled with the intense annoyance he felt every time Abed subjected him to his meta reality, would do the trick.</p><p>But, no, nothing. Raquel needing something more than sibling-like irritation. Her pixelated mouth remained upside down.</p><p>And then, Annie. Just the thought of her name in his mind stirred something in him the others did not. He couldn’t quite define a single emotion he associated with her. Because, there were too many. She was the best person he knew. She looked out for him in a way no one else ever had. All she wanted was for him to be happy, even if it wasn’t on her terms.</p><p>His mind was caught up in a kaleidoscope of memories they shared but one in particular stood out. It morphed and blended into some more recent ones, intertwining all of them into one powerful thread that connected them. He could actually feel it now. In fact, it was the only thing he could feel, and he knew what it was. Without a conscious thought, he spoke. “Milady?”</p><p>She spun around, those eyes transfixed. “Milord,” she answered clearly and without question. The whole space around her was alight with music and sound, as Raquel found what she needed in them to open the door.</p><p>The antiquated machines that powered her brain and Borchert’s dream whirred and spun. The lab filled with something he hadn’t felt in as long as he could remember, if ever. Hope.</p><p>With those two simple words, they’d freed themselves and maybe even saved Greendale in the process.</p><p>~*~</p><p>Long after the celebration ended, he was alone again. It had been weeks since his birthday, and he considered whether he was ready for a single celebratory scotch. They hadn’t really worked through much on the alcohol question yet in therapy, but he’d put boundaries around it himself. It wasn’t hard to do considering the alternative. For the rest of his life, he’d never forget the look on her face that day she picked him up from the hospital. And, that he was the one that was responsible for it.</p><p>In an effort to find a new evening habit, his therapist recommended some varieties of teas, which could help him fall sleep. It turned out that his already regimented exercise routine, combined with alcohol abstinence, encouraged actual quality sleep.</p><p>Still, he missed his Macallan. He’d just keep taking it day by day. Today, however, might have been one of those rare occasions to indulge. Nevertheless, he filled the pot with some water and turned on the stove.</p><p>She’d disappeared from the ad hoc We Saved Greendale Again Dance in the cafeteria. A lot had happened in one day, and he was glad for the respite. Just the same, he wondered where she was. More importantly, he figured she’d be wondering what the hell happened in the tomb beneath Borchert Hall.</p><p>He pondered the same question. He understood now why he could never let go, even when the odds seemed against them. In a twisted Tin Man move, Jeff had routed his heart through a machine that didn’t have one. And he saved Greendale. Or she had, really, if he thought about it. Because she inspired love in a man who really didn’t know how.</p><p>He sat on his couch, thinking about grading the final papers of a very long semester, waiting on the tea to steep in his cup. He wasn’t sure he had much left in him today. But the funny thing was the thought of her felt like no effort at all. Somewhere along the way, he wasn’t really sure when, he’d started to need her. He’d fought that need because he couldn’t understand it. Without a frame of reference, he feared it.</p><p>Now, however, he accepted it. He’d finally stopped fighting it. And when he fought for it, for them, he had enough in him to power an entire room full of decrepit, old computers. You could say it wasn’t just any old day. Well, maybe by Greendale standards it was.</p><p>He hoped she’d answer at least. This time she ran away, so he wasn’t entirely sure. But now, he wasn’t afraid.</p><p><strong>Jeff</strong>: Where are you?</p><p><strong>Annie</strong>: Why?</p><p><strong>Jeff</strong>: I want to see you.</p><p><strong>Annie</strong>: Where are you?</p><p><strong>Jeff</strong>: Home.</p><p><strong>Annie</strong>: Good.</p><p><strong>Jeff</strong>: Can you come over?</p><p><strong>Annie</strong>: When?</p><p><strong>Jeff</strong>: Now?</p><p><strong>Annie</strong>: Right now?</p><p><strong>Jeff</strong>: Yes.</p><p><strong>Annie</strong>: Hold on.</p><p>Minutes passed, and he hadn’t heard from her. Maybe he’d pushed too soon. The last few days trying to save Greendale were intense. It would be reasonable for her to take a break. In truth, that was probably for the best. His mind was all over the place. As odd as Raquel and Borchert were, he couldn’t ignore the fact that something really did happen in that lab that defied logic and reason.</p><p>He’d just sat down to start grading, when there was a knock at the door. Softer, not like Craig’s normal chipper one that he avoided if possible. He knew before he opened it was her. But still, the sight of her left him breathless.</p><p>She stood there, expectant eyes upon him. “Hi.”</p><p>“Hi yourself.” She shifted from one foot to another, her fingers twisting the fabric of her skirt between them. For the first time today, he realized she had a bit of the old and new Annie look. Sure, overall, she was dressed more conservatively, but it was a balance. And she was beautiful.</p><p>“I guess I could have asked first,” she offered, shrugging in some sort of polite apology.</p><p>“Nope, not necessary.” He covered one of her moving hands with his, and her whole body quieted. He pulled her toward him and through the door.</p><p>She walked forward, unbuttoning the jacket she’d worn that day. “Mind if I sit for a minute?” Turning toward him and pulling off her jacket, she tossed it on the back of his couch.</p><p>He lost the power of speech in that moment. Underneath that Office Annie jacket was something other. The straps of her navy top wrapped around her upper arms, leaving the graceful lines of her shoulders exposed. Between them, the slopes of her breasts moved with her breath, unencumbered and inviting.</p><p>It was probably a split second, but that image was stored in his mind. He prayed she hadn’t seen his stare, but he was pretty sure that was not the case. A slight pink glow painted itself across her visible milky white skin, confirming his suspicions. He shook his head for a moment, trying to clear it.</p><p>“Um, yeah. Sure.” His speech returned, but it was disjointed, like his brain at the moment. “Do you want something to drink? I was just having some tea. You like that, right?”</p><p>Her eyes moved about the room, seeming to be taking some kind of inventory of her surroundings. “Yeah, sure, if it’s not too much trouble.”</p><p>He could feel her eyes tracking him as he worked, but he maintained his composure despite the disquiet filling him. As he approached with a cup for her, she straightened up, throwing her shoulders back as if she was steeling herself for battle.</p><p>“This is supposed to relax you. And there’s no caffeine either.”</p><p>He handed her the cup, before they both took a seat on his couch. She held her tea, observing the rising steam, like it held the answers to questions she likely had swirling in her head. Then she looked at him.</p><p>“Do I seem tense?”</p><p>He chuckled briefly, watching her face. She didn’t seem offended but genuinely interested in his assessment of her.</p><p>“Maybe a little bit.”</p><p>Her eyes fell to the cup. She blew a cooling breath over the top, taking a small drink and then gingerly setting it down. Even though she had a far off look in her eyes, a smile started to find its way onto her face.</p><p>“Well, here’s hoping this tea works, then.”</p><p>He remained silent for a moment as did she. The tea or the quiet, or a combination of the two, seemed to take effect. She let her body relax into his couch. Her head was propped sideways against the back, her eyes heavy, a look of ease taking over.</p><p>He was close enough that he could almost touch her with his hand, resting along the back of the cushions. With minimal movement, he pushed himself forward, closer, letting his fingers feather over the top of her head. She let her eyes close in response to his touch.</p><p>“It seems to be working,” he observed aloud.</p><p>“Mmm, it does,” she murmured.</p><p>She used her hands to push her body slowly forward, moving closer to him, and sitting up slightly straighter. He allowed his hand to slide down her head, caging it with his palm. He held her steady with his fingers, gently brushing her cheek with his thumb.</p><p>He could stay like this forever, just watching her in a state of peace. The feel of her traveled down his arm, not numbing him but conveying calm and release. For most of his adult life, his inhibitions and ego were sated by superficial indulgence. Scotch, a luxury car, the feel of a new suit – all of it was just vapor compared to this. He really was like Neo in the Matrix. And he was free.</p><p>Jesus, why hadn’t he realized this before?</p><p>“I wish I knew,” he heard the words before he realized he said them.</p><p>“Knew what,” her eyes fluttering open, waking her from wherever her mind was in that moment.</p><p>He didn’t really know what he meant. So he made it up on instinct. That was the Winger way.</p><p>“I wish I knew what I was missing.” His words seemed to draw her out of her sleepiness. Her body stiffened, not with tension so much as attention to his meaning.</p><p>“Yeah?” She answered softly, a slight question in her eyes, despite what happened today.</p><p>He released her head, slowly dragging his fingertips down her neck and across the top of her shoulder, wrapping his fingers around the back of it. His thumb came to rest on her collar bone, softly stroking it. A shiver visibly followed his touch.</p><p>“Yes. I wasted a lot of time.”</p><p>Her breath caught at his words, deepening but slightly erratic as he dropped his hand lower, allowing his thumb to trace a trail across the top of her breasts.</p><p>Her head lolled slightly backward, her mouth fell agape, releasing a long breath that pushed out the sound of his name, “Jeff.”</p><p>The numbness was back, except now it was emanating from inside of him, starting from the base of his brain and traveling unencumbered through his nervous system like an electrical current.</p><p>He wasn’t sure if he was going into shock or somehow, she’d opened the gateway back to his animated make-believe world. Either way, he was losing his tenuous hold on any form of control.</p><p>In the midst of his stupor, her fingers folded around the underside of the arm that held her, pulling herself forward, her other hand balancing her weight on his thigh. His hand slid over her shoulder in tandem with her movement, guiding her onto his lap in one swift and coordinated effort. He resisted the urge to high five her this time. They weren’t playing Hot Lava anymore.</p><p>“Hi,” she smiled sweetly, straddling his lap. The serendipity of her choice of skirt over pants today was not lost on him.</p><p>“Hi,” he returned, attempting to sound casual. His hand traveled up her back, his fingers threaded around her neck. Her head rolled slightly to one side, leaning into his touch, eyes drifting closed.</p><p>Every kiss they shared had been initiated by her, and he’d always ended them prematurely. Well, except for that one in front of a live studio audience. Still, she deserved a man who was sure of her. He never wanted her to doubt his intentions toward her again.</p><p>He swiped his thumb across the plump pink skin of her lips. She parted them, taking the tip of his thumb inside of her mouth, gently biting it, closing her lips over him. Her eyes opened and stared directly into his. Holy shit, he could not look away.</p><p>His fingers automatically gripped her harder, and she released his thumb, rolling her tongue along her bottom lip before biting it. Her breathing became more rapid, her eyes closing again. He was stupefied by the sight of her.</p><p>“Jeff,” his name formed on her whispered breath, forcing his heart to stutter a few times before accelerating.</p><p>He tasted her then, just faintly brushing his lips against hers, finally connecting them on equal ground. The feel of her tongue, barely brushing his, triggered his free fall into her. His brain closed down, all of his awareness focused on exploring her at each point where their bodies met.</p><p>Touching a woman usually escalated quickly with him, one outcome always in his mind. But he had no destination. There was no driver in his seat. The feel of her was leading him along. He was lost in the seconds that passed, their kiss sating every immediate impulse that passed through him.</p><p>She, however, was ahead of him, like always. Her hand, now exploring the full erection straining against her leg, attempting to speed him along. As if he needed more help, she scraped a nail over his nipple. He pulled away from her, dizzy and close to hyperventilating.</p><p>“Annie,” he rasped through his own hurried intake of air. Her eyes languidly opened, unfocused. Her hands, however, were the opposite. They’d already started in on his belt, when he covered them, disrupting their decisive journey. “Wait, Annie.”</p><p>This seemed to bring her back to him. The expression on her face shifted to something familiar but new, given the context. Well, they’d never been in this situation before, but he knew disappointment when he saw it in her face.</p><p>She shook her head left to right, pulling in a tiny, jagged breath, her lower lip quivered. Oh, fuck.</p><p>“No, no. I don’t want to wait anymore,” the pace of her breaths slowed but labored with the sudden weight of emotion.</p><p>Releasing her hands, he gripped her head on both sides, his fingers wrapped around, holding her in place. “Shh. It’s ok. Just, just, slow down for a minute.”</p><p>Her eyes fell, the tremble in her lip replaced with absent biting. She seemed to relent, so he released her.</p><p>She laid her body against him, and he caressed her head, winding his fingers through her hair. Her breathing was now beginning to calm. He continued playing with the soft strands between his fingers, his hand swiping it all to one side. He could now see the bare expanse of her shoulder blending into the peaks of her breasts.</p><p>His eyes quickly retreated to the ceiling, trying to stifle his reaction. It was next to impossible, and he couldn’t be more aroused than he was. He went so far as to conjur the image of Leonard in his overalls to settle himself down. But, there was no way to disrupt it. Maybe if he could convince her to move back to a safe distance, that would help. It sounded logical in his thinking brain. His id had other ideas.</p><p>She seemed to be more attuned to the latter, shifting on his lap to press a warm, slightly open-mouthed kiss to the exposed skin of his neck. First it was just one, and then another. The next one lingered, teasing him with her tongue, drawing his hands into action. He gripped her knees before pushing his hands under her skirt to the tops of her thigs, where they came to a rest. He was attempting to be good, but his body had other ideas.</p><p>“God, Annie,” he managed, his voice ragged.</p><p>Her soft giggle warmed his ear. “Slow enough for you?” she breathed out, her voice low but tinted with mischief.</p><p>He cleared his throat. “Um, no.”</p><p>She didn’t stop. Instead, she redirected her mouth’s attention, working her way north, until she was sliding her tongue against his. The sensation of her inside him, activated his hands, which pushed themselves into the crease between her hips and upper thighs. His thumbs moved in circles, stroking the sensitive skin there.</p><p>Her lips vibrated as a groan from within reached her mouth, a garbled collection of syllables he couldn’t decipher. But he got the idea, as did his hands. He pressed his thumb to the outside of her underwear, saturated in wetness. She moaned again, a prickly sensation emerged at the base of his spine, where it jumped and crackled, leaving him lightheaded. Sweet, Jesus.</p><p>But that didn’t stop him, even though he wondered if he might pass out if he kept this up. He ended their kiss, his lips traveling down her neck, the speed of her breathing coming faster and tiny moans now clearer. He moved his thumb in a circular motion, very slowly, waiting for the signs of her response. Her hips answered, moving along with him in a slow rhythm.</p><p>“You like that,” he whispered into her ear, not a question but a statement.</p><p>Her head jerked, her soft locks shifting against his cheek. “Y-y, yes,” broke through her lips.</p><p>He slowed his thumb, applying a bit of pressure, sliding the tips of his index and middle finger to the edge of her underwear, barely pulling the fabric away before letting it snap back into place. Her hips slowed their movement, a little whimper escaped her.</p><p>“What?” He intentionally feigned innocence.</p><p>She pulled away from him enough so he could see her face, which was warm with color. Shit, there was a fire there, and he wasn’t sure he could contain it. This situation was escalating quickly, but he wasn’t ready.</p><p>“You’re <em>not</em> playing a fair game,” she answered, not so far gone that she couldn’t chastise him a little.</p><p>He chuckled, starting to move his thumb again. Her eyes closed, her head relaxed, forehead landing on the top of his shoulder. “How about now?”</p><p>“Mmmmmm…,” she sighed in one long syllable, her thighs reflexively tightening around him, hips resuming their motion.</p><p>He curled his two fingers beneath the fabric, allowing them to delicately explore and learn, a series of gasps echoing in the quiet space around them.</p><p>“You were saying?”</p><p>She didn’t say anything, now, continuing to writhe against him with increasing urgency. He freed one hand from beneath her skirt, lifting her head off his shoulder, until her eyes were aligned with him.</p><p>“Annie?” he asked, before her mouth closed over his, her tongue frantically pushing inside of him.</p><p>Usually he had a protocol about these things because he barely knew the women who traveled the Jeff Winger Super Highway. But he knew there was no turning back for either of them. He pushed one finger inside of her, eliciting a sound from her he could listen to on repeat for the rest of his life.</p><p>She was uninhibited in her movement, using her hands on his shoulders to guide and strengthen their connection. He could watch her like this all day.</p><p>“J-Jef-f, I…” she stammered, breathing into his mouth. He intuitively understood, adding another finger to their dance.</p><p>“Better?”</p><p>Her fingers dugs into his shoulders, her body rising and falling over him more rapidly.</p><p>Her head snapped back, her eyes lost somewhere but attempting to find him. Her mouth was open but soundless, her eyes closed before she collapsed against him.</p><p>“G-o-dd, Je-fff,” she slurred, her intake of air slowly trying to regulate itself.</p><p>He could feel his heart, pumping against the wall of his chest, like a fucking hammer. They just laid there, both of them, not moving. He wasn’t sure how much time passed before he extracted his hand from between the warm, silky flesh of her thighs. It didn’t matter really, she was weightless against him, her body splayed across his chest.</p><p>He stroked the back of her head, planting a kiss on her temple. “Are you ok?”</p><p>Her eyes were closed, but he could see the edge of her lips teasing a smile. She nodded, her head moving against him.</p><p>“Uy-h, huh,” her words still a bit jumbled. He brushed his lips against her again.</p><p>“Good,” he answered, resisting the urge to tease her in this state. She, however, recovered pretty fast.</p><p>“Does this mean I have to give you my panties now?” He could feel her words below his belt. Usually by now, the answer would be yes. He was still kind of stunned but able to engage.</p><p>“I haven’t earned them yet,” he mused. “There are ways, though, I can.”</p><p>“Jeff,” faux indignation in her voice, matched the intensity of the swat to his chest. “I’m not that kind of girl.”</p><p>“Hmm, are you sure about that?” Her hand now smoothed over him softly, tending to the place on his chest she’d dispensed her justice.</p><p>“I could be persuaded,” she answered, now picking at the buttons of his shirt, plucking a few open, so she could slide her hand across his bare skin. “It depends what you have in mind,” she added, barely circling his nipple with the tip of her finger.</p><p>He drew in an uneven breath before closing his hand over hers.</p><p>“Patience. I have plans for you. All in good time.”</p><p>“You think I’m impatient?”</p><p>“I would have to argue yes, given the events that just transpired here on my couch.”</p><p>“You had an unfair advantage,” she countered, humor in her voice.</p><p>“I prefer to think of it as more skill.”</p><p>She pushed up on her knees, centering him between her thighs. She brushed her lips against his, before pulling back. Her eyes ran over him until they landed at his waistline, curling each index finger inside of a belt loop.</p><p>With a solid tug, she threw down the gauntlet. “We’ll see about that.”</p><p>“I’m counting on it, Milady.”</p><p>~*~</p><p>He managed to convince her that they had more than enough time for him to engage in extra curricular trophy hunting time. She was insistent but finally surrendered when it was well past dark, and he still hadn’t given in.</p><p>“Why do we have to go out?” she pouted, crossing her arms, as they stood at the entryway of his condo. “I’ve been wearing this,” her hands sweeping down her body, “since we got out of the basement of Greendale.”</p><p>He leaned down, kissing her, her lips turned into a smile against his.</p><p>“You look amazing to me,” losing his resolve momentarily as she wrapped her hands around his neck, opening her mouth to him.</p><p>His body ignited almost without warning, pushing her up against the wall. She pulled away long enough to tempt him over the edge.</p><p>“I would probably look more amazing out of these clothes.”</p><p>He gulped, his throat going dry. Maybe they didn’t need to leave his place right now.</p><p>“I’m sure you do.”</p><p>“Then let’s stay here,” she implored, her hands working their way under his shirt. His heart raced, bumping up against his desire. It was an unwelcome feeling.</p><p>He stepped back, her hands sliding out, still reaching for him. He captured and held them.</p><p>“I think we should go out, for at least a little while. I can take you home first if you want to change.”</p><p>“Why are you being so stubborn?”</p><p>He wasn’t really sure. It wasn’t like him to curtail his impulses. First scotch, now sex. What the hell was happening to him?</p><p>“I just want to slow us down, that’s all.”</p><p>Her mouth twisted into a frown, arms covering her body. “Why?”</p><p>He was starting to get a little flustered as she pressed the issue.</p><p>“I just do, ok?” Her eyes tightened, locking in on him. She wasn’t letting go. The words that came next surprised him. “Fine, I want to talk to you first.”</p><p>“Talk to me first? About what?” Her tone now guarded.</p><p>“Just, I don’t know.” He really didn’t. Well, he did, but he wasn’t certain of what he was going to say. He didn’t have a plan. But he wanted to do this right. He’d already allowed himself to go much further with her than he intended. “Just, stuff.”</p><p>She titled her head, raising her eyebrows. “What<em> stuff</em>?” He looked away, breaking eye contact, but quickly forcing himself back again. Her expression reflected the tension in her limbs. “Jeff, you’re scaring me,” she admitted. “What’s wrong?”</p><p>Christ, he was already fucking this up. He needed to pull his shit together. He closed the minimal distance between them, embracing her so quickly that he pinned her still crossed arms between them.</p><p>“Nothing, nothing is wrong. I swear.”</p><p>“Jeff,” her voice muffled. “Can you, um, relax a little? You’re sort of crushing me.”</p><p>He was such a massive mess. “Yeah, yeah, sorry,” releasing her.</p><p>“It’s ok,” she answered tenderly. She wrapped her arms around him, squeezing him. Her giant will, encased in a tiny body, held him together as he fell apart inside. “We can go out, or we can stay in. I’m staying with you either way.”</p><p>His heart stumbled, a sudden tremor taking hold. “How long?”</p><p>She pulled back, staring up at him, trying to get a read. “How long what?” Maybe his desperation wasn’t apparent on his face.</p><p>“How long will you stay?” She didn’t hesitate for a moment.</p><p>“As long as you want,” she answered, examining him intently before she amended her response. “Jeff, are you ok?”</p><p>Those peerless eyes soothed him, wrapping him in the calm sea within them. “I think so.”</p><p>“You don’t look it.” She was on to him. Normally, he’d make some remark about how great he always looked. He was a deflection ninja. Instead, he shoved his hands in his pockets and walked away. Not that he had anywhere to go.</p><p>He went to the window lining his living room, just staring outside, sort of wishing he had that Wingman jetpack again. It would be so much easier to make a hasty getaway.</p><p>He was both literally and metaphorically trapped. The walls he’d constructed had been there so long he almost didn’t see them anymore. The Study Group eroded some of his self-imposed barriers, but they were a group. He could express his true self safely, in small doses, knowing there were 6 different people to see him through.</p><p>He got something from each of them. But that number dwindled this year. He didn’t know if he could put all his faith in just one. He turned back toward her. There was no flying away like a plastic action figure.</p><p>“Maybe I’m not.”</p><p>She looked at the floor, inspecting her hands, which she rubbed and twisted together repeatedly. She looked so unsure again, retreating to the fidgety state she was in when she arrived today.</p><p>“Um, then, uh, I. Maybe I should go,” her hands moving up each of her arms, hugging them into her own body. He was such an asshole.</p><p>“No, please don’t go.”</p><p>“I think it might be better if I do. It feels like something is wrong. Like I’ve done something wrong. Maybe you need some time alone.”</p><p>“No, you didn’t do anything wrong,” he affirmed. “I don’t want to be alone.”</p><p>A deep crease appeared between those eyes. “Then, let’s go out, then.”</p><p>“No.”</p><p>She hugged herself tighter, her arms expanding and contracting with each breath. “Jeff, what do you want?”</p><p>He knew, at least he thought he did. He just didn’t have the words. “I want a lot of things.”</p><p>She nibbled slightly at her mouth, her eyelids opening and closing in rapid succession. She seemed to settle on a response.</p><p>“Can you be more specific?”</p><p>“I want you.” There, that should do it. She had to get it now.</p><p>“You already have me.”</p><p>“No, I want more than this,” waving his arms away from him, frustrated with himself, not her. “I want things to be different. Between us.”</p><p>“Ok, well, um. I…” even she seemed to falter in her determination to talk this out.</p><p>So, she stopped trying, stood straighter, and approached him with Annie purpose in her eye. She grabbed both his wrists, her tiny fingers pulled him backwards, toward his room. She caught him off guard, at first, so he moved a few steps. But when he realized what she was doing, he came to a halt.</p><p>“No, Annie. No.”</p><p>She forced out a loud, short breath, dripping with exasperation. But she got the hint and let go.</p><p>“What? God, Jeff what do you want then?”</p><p>“I told you. This,” signaling between them with his hands, “needs to be different.”</p><p>She took a few moments, mumbling something to herself that he couldn’t hear. She appeared to collect herself before attempting to decode him again.</p><p>“I don’t understand. Tell me exactly what needs to be different.” She seemed to be catching on to his communication style now.</p><p>“<em>I </em>need to be different,” he confessed. It was getting easier to choose his words now.</p><p>She observed him like he was some rat in a maze trying to find a way out.</p><p>“How do you need to be different?” She coaxed him slowly, trying to show him the way out. She was getting too close to the real answer.</p><p>“I just do,” he answered curtly. She pressed her lips together, swinging her head left to right.</p><p>“Nope, that’s not enough,” throwing him a crumb in the right direction. “Tell me. I will do my best to understand. I promise.”</p><p>He ran a hand through his hair, rubbing the back of his neck. Then, he drew a breath in through his nose, closing his eyes. He willed himself to just get the words out. What was the worst thing that could happen?</p><p>It was then he felt her arms closing around him, sheltering him in her strength. The weight of her grounded him to the present. He could do this. She wasn’t leaving, no matter what he did, which he wasn’t sure was a good thing. She fought for the things that were unworthy of her, including him.</p><p>“I need more than sex between us, Annie.” The words were strange, but they were right. She kept herself pressed against him, saying nothing. “I am in love with you, ok? So I need more.” Her arms tightened around him. That was a good sign he guessed.</p><p>He could feel her body move against him, but she didn’t look at him as she unpacked the contents of her heart. “Jeff, do you have any idea how long I’ve been in love with you?”</p><p>His brain struggled, trying to find truth in her words. She continued, even though she still couldn’t meet his eyes. Maybe this was just as hard for her. He’d never considered that.</p><p>“As long as I can remember knowing you. I’ve fallen in and out of love with so often, it’s just part of who I am now.” She was so matter of fact, it was sort of unbelievable. Maybe she didn’t really love him. She just thought she did.</p><p>His interrogative instinct kicked in a bit. “What’s to say you won’t fall out again?” She didn’t answer right away. Classic evasion technique.</p><p>“Because, I never really could,” her voice cracked with emotion. “I tried, but I just couldn’t.”</p><p>If being a self-centered man child was a deadly sin, he should have been struck by a bolt of lightning on the spot. He pulled away from her, but her eyes remained down. He carefully tipped her chin up, so she could see him, for real.</p><p>“I’m sorry, Annie.”</p><p>“I don’t want you to be sorry. I want you to let it be ok. You can trust me.”</p><p>“I know.”</p><p>“And it will be ok because now you’re caught up to me. You never were before.” She was wrong. She needed to know that.</p><p>“No, that’s not true. I was with you, a long time. But I just wouldn’t let myself be.” This honesty thing was getting less difficult.</p><p>“Can you now?”</p><p>“I want to try. I really do.”</p><p>“Good. That’s all I can ask for. That’s all anyone can, Jeff.”</p><p>God, she was so much wiser than him. No matter what he did, she endured it. But that wasn’t ok with him. He needed to be better. For her. For him.</p><p>“You deserve more than my standard best effort, Annie.”</p><p>His words seemed to embolden her because she stepped away from him completely, letting him stand on his own.</p><p>“Of course I do,” a slightly teasing edge to her voice. “But, I know you. You can do this. You just need to get out of your own way,” she rightly advised.</p><p>“Where would the challenge be in that?”</p><p>“There are many ways we can challenge ourselves that are far more interesting and rewarding for us both.”</p><p>She had a knack for turning on that side of her that really only played out in the imaginary land of Jeff Winger. Maybe this was the real her and not just the version he dreamed up in his mind.</p><p>“I like the way you think.”</p><p>It was possible the mathematical formula in his head didn’t really matter. Or maybe he’d never weighted her as the formidable variable she actually was in their equation.</p><p>And, thankfully, he wasn’t too old to learn, and it wasn’t too late to try.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0014"><h2>14. The Borchert Effect</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Borchert and Raquel prove their worth.</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>So, I needed to reward myself (and anyone reading this) for taking the journey through my redux of Season 5. It was a tough road.</p><p>I am trying to balance a more realistic but favorable conclusion I think my favorite couple deserved.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>A sense of calm fell over the campus of Greendale. It wasn’t awful to get there early, knowing he was almost done for the semester. Thankfully, the recent turn of events with Subway meant that he’d never signed on to teach summer school. It was only a matter of time before Craig approached him. But, for now, he could just finish out the last pile of papers and put in his grades.</p><p>As a reward for his dedication to his non-chosen profession, he let himself play around on his phone. He wasn’t a slave to social media, like some people he knew, but it was a good distraction now and then. Because he wasn’t a frequent Facebook flyer, he expected to have a backlog of notifications.</p><p>What he hadn’t expected was that a Russell Borchert, now clean-shaven and caught up to the 21<sup>st</sup> century, had decided to jump on the digital bandwagon. He figured there was no harm in accepting his friend request. Poor guy had been confined to his dungeon for so long, it was in character for him to prefer the comfort of relationships forged in ones and zeroes.</p><p>Maybe he’d assimilate to regular human contact once he accepted life on the outside. He tried to ignore Borchert’s profile pic, a very familiar pixilated smile of the infamous golden Lolita. She was still front and center for all the world to see. This guy needed to get some help.</p><p>~*~</p><p>The knock at his office door was one he was dreading. He was hoping to escape before he registered on Craig’s radar.</p><p>“Jeffrey, I was hoping to find you here.”</p><p>“I am getting paid to be here, at least until I turn in grades, so I want to earn my keep.”</p><p>“Of course. You have and then some already, Jeffrey. I’m not sure how we would have saved Greendale without you.” All he could hope was that Craig respected his privacy, even a little. He had no desire to discuss that scene in the basement with anyone but her.</p><p>“I’m pretty sure it was a group effort, Craig. We’re bonded for life now.”</p><p>He should have chosen his words more carefully. If Craig was a cartoon character, he was pretty sure his eyes would be popping out, shaped as hearts. Instead, he showed unusual restraint. There was no way it could hold.</p><p>“I won’t take up any more of your valuable time, Jeffrey. Could you maybe drop by my office in an hour? I wanted to run something past you, with Vice Dean Borchert.”</p><p>His instinct was to reach for the phantom bottle of scotch in his desk drawer. But, in an effort to stay on the path he needed, he chose to face his fate like a man. He needed the money, after all, but he couldn’t think of a worse way to spend his summer – at Greendale.</p><p>He was hoping his summer would be spent exploring more satisfying options than the motley crew that likely faced him locked inside the classrooms of Greendale. If he was going to be confined anywhere, he’d prefer he was trapped with one Greendale student, preferably learning the fundamentals of human biology, not law.</p><p>Trying to sound like a team player, one who didn’t wish to play, he kept his tone neutral.</p><p>“I can give you 30 minutes. Is that enough?”</p><p>“That depends on you, Jeffrey,” he answered rather cryptically.</p><p>“Craig, it’s been a long year. Please, no surprises.”</p><p>“Oh, Jeffrey, some surprises are good ones.” Christ, he didn’t like where this was headed.</p><p>But, if he could get off this campus in less than 2 hours, without agreeing to a summer class, he could officially get his vacation off to a proper start. That was the only outcome he wished for right now. And he only needed one person for that. And Craig and Borchert did not make the cut.</p><p>“I’ll be there,” he agreed, regretting his decision almost immediately.</p><p>“Wonderful. I don’t think you’ll be disappointed.”</p><p>He was having a difficult time seeing how that could possibly be true. Imprisoned inside Greendale with that dynamic duo was some form of nightmare he couldn’t have imagined in his past life. Now, it was a gateway out of this place.</p><p>~*~</p><p>The sight of Craig and Russell Borchert was still imprinted on his psyche when he arrived at the door of apartment 303. He probably should have checked to see if it was a good time to come over. It was relatively early, but he instinctively just drove there.</p><p>She opened the door, hair wet and her body encased in a fluffy, purple bathrobe.</p><p>“I hope you checked before you opened the door,” he cautioned, as he took in the sight of her.</p><p>“Nope, I always open the door to strangers like this.”</p><p>“I hope not.” He never could control that streak of caveman that was in him.</p><p>“Do you want me to invite you in?” Clearly, she wasn’t interested in pandering to his bullshit.</p><p>“I do before you give a show to your neighbors.” She turned and walked away, leaving the door open. He followed, closing the door behind him and locking it. “Abed, around,” he called after her.</p><p>“It’s just me. Disappointed?” He was actually elated still, and he couldn’t wait to tell her.</p><p>She had moved into the kitchen. He’d obviously interrupted her morning.</p><p>“I am glad you’re the only one here. You are the one I’m looking for.”</p><p>“Have you eaten yet?”</p><p>“Yes, I was up pretty early.”</p><p>“Well, I may have just gotten up not too long ago. I was up pretty late last night.”</p><p>“Sorry about that. I was having trouble sleeping.” She put a cup of coffee in front of him, granting him a knowing smile.</p><p>“I had a little trouble falling asleep after you stopped messaging me. So, I slept in.” He may have let his texts go a little too far. It wasn’t like she didn’t participate.</p><p>“Yeah, um, sorry,” he answered, sincerely. She just laughed at his small act of contrition, showing no mercy as usual.</p><p>“I’m not complaining. I just didn’t want you to think I was now a total slacker, like you,” she answered a little sparkle in those eyes. Ok, she wasn’t too mad. “I just hope you make good on those words at some point.”</p><p>He coughed, choking on his coffee. He was not prepared for starting this up again so soon. Time for a subject change. Think about Borchert. An image of those dirty nipples popped into his head. There, that was better.</p><p>“I’ve been up a while and already been to Greendale.”</p><p>“Motivated to start your summer, I see?” Thankfully, she let it go.</p><p>“Something like that,” he responded, adding the sweetener to his coffee that she now laid next to the cup.</p><p>She worked on her toast, absently preparing it, her attention on him instead. “So, you finished early then?”</p><p>“Actually, no, I didn’t finish my grades. I got waylaid by the dean and Borchert.”</p><p>She suppressed a small laugh. “Not your favorite way to spend the morning, I’m guessing. So, what, you’re here hiding from them?”</p><p>“No, please, I am not hiding. I can handle Craig and his dirty hippie sidekick.”</p><p>“Sure you can.”</p><p>“Aren’t you just the comedian, now. You don’t even know why I am here. Maybe I won’t tell you.”</p><p>“Jeff, really? You obviously came here for a reason. Out with it already. I don’t have all day.”</p><p>“You’re so bossy early in the morning.” She angled her head to the right, her tiny grin at odds with the skeptical stare.</p><p>“I prefer to think of it as focused. So, focus, Jeff,” relaxing her expression so that a patient smile emerged. She munched on her toast, waiting.</p><p>“Ok, I’ll go for the short version. Because, the Greendale version is too long.”</p><p>“Hit me.”</p><p>“Turns out that Borchert has property rights to Greendale and more assets than Chang’s got in his mouth.”</p><p>He stopped, letting her process. It had only been a few days since the scene with Raquel. Lucky for Craig, Officer Cackowski was there finishing his pottery project, when Chang made a break for it with Borchert’s cash. Otherwise, all of the money would have been gone in the chaos. </p><p>“I thought you already figured out the real estate question in the lab. The city needs to consult him before selling.”</p><p>“They need to do more than consult him. The property is worth something, meaning Borchert has more assets than what was in the basement of Greendale.”</p><p>“That’s great news, Jeff, I guess. But didn’t we already know most of that. So no new news, other than Borchert can spend more money on Raquel if he wants. Right?”</p><p>“Borchert can do a lot with his assets. In fact, he plans to do something more reasonable than pour valuable finite resources into his girlfriend.”</p><p>“Like what?” She started cleaning up the counter. He waited. He wanted her full attention for this.</p><p>“Like hire himself a personal attorney to represent Greendale in its negotiations with the city. A lawyer, who just so happens to have no current clientele.”</p><p>He watched the new information he shared work its way through her brain. The joy started in her eyes and traveled down her body, registering as muted squealing accompanied by some very generous jumping. He was hopeful that bathrobe wouldn’t contain her enthusiasm for long.</p><p>“Jeff!” I am so happy for you.”</p><p>“I can see that.” She quieted her jubilant dance, glancing down at her robe to secure it.</p><p>“Behave, you.” She scolded him, the color already filling her cheeks.</p><p>“It’s sort of hard when you’ve got that going on,” unable to keep his eyes from traveling where they did.  He was only human after all.</p><p>“Really,” a little challenge in her tone. She didn’t wait for him to answer, before she joined him on the other side of the kitchen counter. He shifted his body so it was lined up right with hers. “I think your news deserves a suitable celebration, don’t you?” It did. It absolutely fucking did.</p><p>It may have been the morning, but he was fully awake now. “You assume that I accepted.” She put a hand on either knee, parting them so she could get closer.</p><p>“It doesn’t seem like you to reject such a potentially rewarding offer, Jeff,” pushing herself closer, filling the space between his legs. His hands instantaneously slid around her back, resting at the top of her hips.</p><p>“I didn’t say I was turning it down,” his voice casual, his body not so much. “There are just some details we need to work out first.”</p><p>“That sounds very complicated and time consuming.” Her hands wound around his neck, providing a very generous view of what was under her robe.</p><p>“Not really, just necessary,” he responded coolly, while his eyes catalogued this view of her for safe keeping.</p><p>She lifted her shoulders, shrugging off his words. “If you say so. But that doesn’t mean you can’t enjoy the moment, right?”</p><p>“Right.” His eyes shifted up and over to the front door of her apartment. “Where’s Ab…” Her lips closed over his, before he could finish his thought. His fingers pressed into the juicy flesh just below her hips, bringing her closer.</p><p>Her mouth opened in response to his touch, the swiftness of her breath playing against the movement of his tongue. He looped his thumbs around the cord of her robe, loosening it unintentionally, or at least that’s what he told himself.</p><p>She was game, stepping back to help him. It fell open, and he was fairly sure this was as close to a religious experience as he would have in his life. She let him stare, it was only right. And, he indulged himself, of course. That is until his heart felt like it stopped, which would explain the acrobatics going on inside his chest when it stirred to life suddenly, at a much quicker pace.</p><p>Forcing his eyes up, he tried to recapture some thread of coherent thought. His hands, however, continued what his eyes could not, slipping over the bare flesh of her torso, to rest there until his heart settled itself as much as it could. “An-nie,” he stammered. “You’re beautiful.”</p><p>She pushed her fully exposed body, against him in response. “Jeff,” her voice right outside his ear, shot directly into his pants. “It’s time.” His hands agreed, one sliding up to cup her bare breast. It fit perfectly in his hand.</p><p>Who was he to argue anyway? She was right about most things and always punctual. And then, he heard the front door handle engage. He was so fucking grateful he’d locked it.</p><p>She jumped away, her eyes popped open, unfocused but fully dilated. A sharp knock at the door cut through the haze in his mind, as he accepted their fate.</p><p>“Jesus, doesn’t he have his own key?”</p><p>“He doesn’t always remember it. Key-master was Troy’s job,” she shared frantically, concentrating on closing her robe and retying it. She worked with amazing dexterity given the frenzied state of her breathing. “Quick, you let him in,” rushing into her room and quietly shutting the door.</p><p>He was very glad he was wearing a jacket today because it would certainly be needed to conceal the situation in his pants. Throwing the door open, he found Rachel and Abed on the other side.</p><p>“Good morning, Jeff. Glad you could join us for breakfast.” Abed pushed past him, Rachel trailing behind, a pleasant yet neutral smile on her face.</p><p>“I wasn’t here for breakfast. I came to see you guys to share some news.” Abed dropped his head, one eye squinting to assess Jeff’s story.</p><p>He cleared his mind, trying his best to redirect his attention to the present. It wasn’t easy considering the very different version of his morning happening only a mere 60 seconds before.</p><p>“Annie told me to wait out here until you two came back.”</p><p>“Interesting,” Abed remarked, his tone absent meaning but his eyes committed to studying Jeff.</p><p>“Yes, it is. You won’t believe what I learned about Borchert this morning.”</p><p>“No,” Abed answered, whipping his head in the direction of Annie’s closed door, before hitting Jeff with those penetrating laser beams. “I mean interesting that Annie told you we were coming back. We weren’t.”</p><p>Just then, she saved him, throwing open her door.</p><p>“Guys, what a surprise,” she gushed enthusiastically. Her face was still flushed. “We had no idea you were coming back so soon.”</p><p>Abed and Rachel just stood there, heads bobbing back toward Jeff, who kept his mouth shut. He felt like a player in the world’s worst tennis match.</p><p>“Annie,” his tone attempting to warn her.</p><p>“What?” she answered very convincingly. It was impressive how she could turn that innocence on so quickly, given what just happened not minutes ago. She should really consider a career working undercover in the CIA.</p><p>“Jeff tells us he was waiting for Rachel and I to share his exciting story about Borchert,” Abed answered for him. “But let’s have some breakfast first.” She seemed to take the hint, her faux smile now disappearing.</p><p>“Sure, ok,” her eyes catching his. He sheepishly raised his shoulders before letting them fall. The rosy coloring on her face deepened, acknowledging they were caught.</p><p>“What would everyone like to have?” She headed directly for the kitchen, head down.</p><p>Abed answered immediately. “What about pancakes?”</p><p>~*~</p><p>As happy as he was to be on his way to becoming a real lawyer, he would gladly teach at Greendale for the rest of his life if it meant he would finally get to spend uninterrupted alone time with her. That was the plan, anyway, this time.</p><p>It certainly wasn’t hurting his ego that Greendale did not turn out to be a total waste of his life, the dead end he believed he’d found at 40. Five years later, he was on some kind of path that felt right. And he actually had earned something for once in his life. That was not a bad feeling to have from where he stood.</p><p>Also, not a bad feeling to have, was the image of her in his mind. It had been 2 days, but he could barely think of anything else, despite the hours he’d been locked inside Mark’s conference room. Since he had no practice of his own, he called in a favor.</p><p>“You sure as hell found the fucking goose that laid the golden egg, Tango.” His old buddy poured him a generous portion of scotch.</p><p>“Shit, it only took me getting disbarred and spending 5 years of my life at Greendale. But yeah, I guess I did,” clinking his glass against Mark’s. He only allowed himself a small, ceremonial sip. He’d made a lot of progress on this front. This was not the time to fall back into old habits.</p><p>“Planning to celebrate I hope,” glancing at Jeff’s almost untouched glass. “I do but after we finish up here.”</p><p>Mark chuckled. “Ah, you have a better offer?”</p><p>He did.</p><p>~*~</p><p>After many false starts, he was happy to finally have an actual evening planned with her, where there would be no ass crack bandit, hot lava, or Study Group subterfuge to distract them. And, he did mean it when he said he needed to be different.</p><p>This time he would make sure the dinner was just the two of them, and he wouldn’t drink too much and require a ride home. He just wanted to take her on an actual date, like a grown man, who was clear on what he wanted. That seemed simple enough, but he was completely tied in knots.</p><p>In the past, he would have let that throw him, but he didn’t have that luxury anymore. He needed to expect more of himself, not less. She more than deserved that. Instead of texting, he called her on the phone. It was all very old school, but he didn’t care.</p><p>“Jeff, I don’t need to do anything fancy, you’re making such a big deal out of this. Let’s just get some takeout and sit like lumps.”</p><p>“Annie, please, I need to do this.” There was a long pause.</p><p>“Ok, fine, so I have to dress up I guess?”</p><p>“Yup.”</p><p>“And you’re going to pick me up here?”</p><p>“That’s correct.”</p><p>“And then what?”</p><p>“Then we go out.”</p><p>“And?”</p><p>He wasn’t sure what she was getting at. “And we eat?”</p><p>A beleaguered breath emerged from the phone. “Jeff, are you going to make <em>me</em> say it?”</p><p>Maybe he should have stuck to texting. “Say what?”</p><p>“Never mind,” she huffed, frustration apparent even over speaker phone.</p><p>“Annie, I can’t believe I’m the one saying this, but you need to communicate better with me.”</p><p>He was pretty sure he could sense an outsized eye roll bounce off the closest cellular tower.</p><p>“Are you? Um, are we,” she stopped. There was an uncomfortably long silence. “I know you want things to be a certain way between us, Jeff. I’m just wondering how many of these dates we have to go on before you will be satisfied that it’s different.”</p><p>Oh. This <em>was</em> different. He tried not to lose it more. He still had some of his signature moves left. Didn’t he?</p><p>“Annie, I find it’s best not to overthink it too much.” There, just vague enough to create an air of mystery. That would buy him some time.</p><p>“Jeff,” her tone reprimanded him in one swift syllable.</p><p>God help him, though, it was sort of fun to stir her up. And he knew enough about her now that it could only work to his benefit. He was playing his long game with her. At least he was trying it out. Though, admittedly, he didn’t have much experience with this type of game. He was a fast learner, though, if he wanted to be.</p><p>“Annie, we’ve waited this long. We’ll get there when we get there.”</p><p>“That’s not an answer, Jeff.”</p><p>“And what would be an answer you’d be willing to accept?”</p><p>“Since I can’t travel back in time, the answer is as soon as possible.” Shit, that would be more than ok with him.</p><p>“I can work within that time frame.”</p><p>“Good. Then you can pick me up at 7.”</p><p>~*~</p><p>Jeff’s imagination was no match for the very real version of Annie. As soon as possible was happening in the right here and now.</p><p>Their dinner was fine, incredible really, if he was measuring being with her as an enjoyable way to spend an evening. The kiss they shared in the parking lot, her pushed up against the door of the Lexus, was borderline unsafe for public consumption.</p><p>His hand, moving up the inside of her thigh as they waited at a stop light, was definitely not a recommendation in the driver’s safety handbook. His name emerging from her in a gasped breath alerting him to the change from red to green could probably be classified as a moving violation. Even so, she widened her legs when he continued, encouraging his focus other places than the road ahead.</p><p>That road led to the safety of his bedroom, where there were no constraints on them now. The dress she wore was long gone, revealing the lacey cups of the barely-there fabric that concealed her breasts, now conveniently positioned in front of him.</p><p>There were no words to do her justice, not that he needed them. His mind was completely lost in the peaks before him, his mouth ascending the slope of one, moving the lace with his tongue to crest it. Her hips moved beneath his hands in response to his exploration, a primal moan unleashed when his lips closed over her nipple.</p><p>“Jeff, now, please,” was a welcome reminder of the last few steps to check off his list to bring this date to a close. She was really helpful like that.</p><p>He leaned them forward, palming her back to hold her in place, reaching for his bedside table. He handed the condom to her, reclining back against the headboard so he could free himself from his briefs. That Hot Lava game was a great lesson in working together under extreme conditions. Safety was a life lesson that could be applied in many situations.</p><p>The proper gear in place, he resumed his mission to distance her from what was left of her clothes. Those pesky shreds of fabric inhibited further inspection of what lie beneath. Now free and wild before his eyes, her breasts moved with the rhythm of her body, which danced to an increasingly hypnotizing beat.</p><p>“Jeff, unn-h, oh, God,” his mouth closing over that delectable, hard nipple. The taste and sound of her overwhelmed his senses, drugging him with a pleasurable warmth that enveloped his mind and body.</p><p>And then, she pushed him over the edge. Without warning, she pulled the fabric of her underwear aside and slid over him, stopping when she’d taken him in completely. The feeling of her tightly wound around him sent a shockwave through his spine, which went straight to his mouth, “Fuck, Annie.” He was class incarnate.</p><p>Those eyes, now level with his, carried him away with her subsequent movement. His hands, resting on her hips, held on lightly letting her dictate the pace. His lips found hers, pushing his tongue inside, needing to feel even more of her.</p><p>Their languid tempo was brief, quickly giving way to a deep, connected tango that was driving him slowly mad.</p><p>“Jeff, oh, uh, uh,” each subsequent sound and movement from her continued to match the call of his own.</p><p>She pushed him back with her body, grabbing the headboard behind him, making it possible for him to thrust his hips, burying himself within her. Her head snapped back, her mouth fell open. His bedroom filled with ragged gaps for air that matched the timing of her body moving with his. He slowed his own, watching her release before guiding her mouth back to his to kiss her again.</p><p>Her mouth opened to him, their tongues slowly twirling together. He gripped her hips tightly, driving himself into the warmth around him, until his eyes closed, the darkness illuminated by a million pricks of lightning that poured through and out of him.</p><p>They laid slumped against the headboard together, the weight of her holding him in a state of tranquility that he could stay in forever. Her warm breaths against his chest, the soft tendrils of her hair draped over him, was far from unpleasant yet very unfamiliar. He wasn’t sure what to do next.</p><p>She sat up, rolling off of him. He knew that wasn’t what he wanted, but she was already gone. She flattened herself against his mattress, lifting her hips to remove the scrap of lace from between her legs. She leaned across him, depositing it on his nightstand.</p><p>“So, these are yours now,” the innocent smile belied by the intention in her words. “You can add them to your collection.”</p><p>He didn’t want a trophy from her. That was the last thing on his mind. He would prefer the touch of her skin against his, but she laid on her side next to him, resting only one hand on his thigh. Despite his muddled state of mind, he was a good sport and played along.</p><p>“Technically, I am the one that has to remove them for it to count as a win.”</p><p>“Jeff, that’s a pretty stringent rule.” Her smile devious and so damn tempting. “I guess we’ll have to do this again, then. I’ll try to remember the rules next time.”</p><p>Holy crap, he got hard in the split second it took to process her words. “You better, or else you may never make it into my very selective club.”</p><p>Her laughter created all kinds of movement in her body that made him forget what they were talking about just a second ago. “Sounds like a challenge I might enjoy,” she answered, returning to his lap.</p><p>“God, Annie,” were all the words he managed before she pressed herself against him. She brushed her mouth over his, her breath picking up speed with each brief kiss.</p><p>“Jeff, I can put them back on if you’d like,” she whispered into his ear. “I know winning is important to you.”</p><p>He’d unleashed some version of her that he didn’t know quite what to do with yet. But he had time to figure it out.</p><p>With both hands steadying her back, he flipped her over. She giggled, cradling him between her soft thighs.</p><p>“That won’t be necessary. I’ve already won, Annie,” brushing his lips down her neck and over her shoulder. He needed more time to explore her. He planned to take it. But, true to form, she moved faster than he did.</p><p>Her legs wove around his back, her hips rising off the bed, seeking him out.</p><p>“Jeff, remember, this game can have two winners,” she panted out, as her body strained beneath his.</p><p>He raised his head from its journey among the peaks and valleys of her breasts, finding those eyes, completely black with her pupils, an abyss of desire.</p><p>“So demanding,” he teased, before slipping his hand in the tight space between her hip and his, quieting her motion. A frustrated whine escaped her, as she fought against him.</p><p>“Jeff,” his name pushed out in a gasp of unencumbered longing, undid whatever plan he had. The time for words passed in an instant. He conceded and gave into her.</p><p>The victory was sweet, and they both won.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0015"><h2>15. Mastery of Emotional Growth</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Annie and Jeff figure out what’s next for them.</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>The end of my Season 5, or the beginning of post-Season 6, depends on how you like to think about it.</p><p>Since I respect the show so much, I genuinely understand why the writers ended it as they did. </p><p>Still, the end of the series left me unsatisfied, beyond the J/A story line. But, they are my favorite, so guilty. I focused on their happy ending.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p><strong>Jeff: </strong>Are you sure you don’t have just one old Joyvatrix rattling around in a bag somewhere?</p><p><strong>Annie:</strong> If I did, I wouldn’t give it to you. You’ll be fine.</p><p><strong>Jeff:</strong> Easy for you to say. You’ve flown before.</p><p><strong>Annie:</strong> We’ll watch movies. It will be fun.</p><p><strong>Jeff:</strong> Your definition of fun is sounding strangely Abed-like.</p><p><strong>Annie:</strong> It will be fun once we’re there.</p><p><strong>Jeff:</strong> If we get there.</p><p><strong>Annie:</strong> Stop, you are not getting out of this. You’re going to love it.</p><p><strong>Jeff:</strong> I love being alive.</p><p><strong>Annie:</strong> You’re going to love Maui.</p><p><strong>Jeff:</strong> How do you know?</p><p><strong>Annie:</strong> Because, I plan to make sure you do.</p><p><strong>Jeff:</strong> You have an itinerary for us, don’t you?</p><p><strong>Annie:</strong> Maybe.</p><p><strong>Jeff:</strong> I knew it.</p><p><strong>Annie:</strong> You can’t fly to Hawaii and do nothing while you’re there.</p><p><strong>Jeff:</strong> I can sleep and work on my tan. That is something.</p><p><strong>Annie:</strong> That’s boring.</p><p><strong>Jeff:</strong> No, it’s a vacation.</p><p><strong>Annie:</strong> We can do a little of everything.</p><p><strong>Jeff:</strong> Everything? I like the sound of that.</p><p><strong>Annie:</strong> How about we take turns picking how we spend each day.</p><p><strong>Jeff:</strong> My choice is simple. Beach, bikini, you. Repeat.</p><p><strong>Annie:</strong> All of my ideas include me in a bikini, too.</p><p><strong>Jeff:</strong> Excellent. Glad we’re on the same page.</p><p><strong>Annie:</strong> But, you have to get on the plane first.</p><p><strong>Jeff:</strong> Ok, then I get to have at least one drink.</p><p><strong>Annie:</strong> It’s a long flight.</p><p><strong>Jeff:</strong> Ok, maybe two.</p><p><strong>Annie:</strong> How about one drink and one sneak peek.</p><p><strong>Jeff:</strong> Of what?</p><p><strong>Annie:</strong> My Maui uniform.</p><p><strong>Jeff:</strong> It’s a deal.</p><p>~*~</p><p>Even though he’d gotten a preview, the actual full-color version of her coming out of that water, jogging toward him, was worth the hours he spent fearing for his life. The cliché beach fantasy was one he could retire. He was living it for real now, and it was so much better than he could have imagined.</p><p>He squinted at her from beneath the brim of his hat, the droplets of ocean water sparkled like diamonds on her fair skin. Seriously, she was some kind of princess. She had to be.</p><p>“Jeff, the water is amazing. Please come in with me.” He propped himself up on one elbow, so he could get a better view of her.</p><p>“I can appreciate the water from here. Besides, I was thinking about taking a nap.” They had a long day of travel yesterday, made even longer when they celebrated their arrival. Multiple times.</p><p>“We can sleep tonight.” He raised an eyebrow in question. “Ok, we’ll sleep some tonight,” she conceded.</p><p>“And, tomorrow is your day to choose what we do. I have a feeling that means an early start. I need my beauty sleep.”</p><p>Her eyes moved over him, taking their time to complete their travels. This wasn’t the first set of eyes to do that to him today, but they were the only ones that had that effect on him.</p><p>“I really like that hat on you,” smiling down at him.</p><p>“What can I say? I do cowboy really well, even on a beach.” She launched her towel at him.</p><p>“Can’t you just say thank you? Your head is going to outgrow that hat before this trip is over.”</p><p>“If you didn’t want me to look this good, little lady, you shouldn’t have gotten it for me,” pushing it up with one finger.</p><p>“I was trying to make sure you protected your skin. You know, at your age, sunburns can really accelerate wrinkles,” she answered innocently, a devious grin followed.</p><p>“Oh, you think you’re funny, do you?” He stood up, grabbed her before she could even move, and threw her over his shoulder.</p><p>She squealed in protest but didn’t even attempt to stop him as he waded into the placid water, holding her until they were both submerged.</p><p>“The water’s pretty great, right?” It was, but the amount of skin available for him to explore was even better.</p><p>Maybe Maui wasn’t so terrible after all.</p><p>~*~</p><p>“God, Annie, if only I could be 25 again. Falling asleep on the beach would be less consequential.”</p><p>“Good thing you had the hat at least. It could have been worse.” The coolness of the aloe hit him.</p><p>“Ah, take it easy,” he gasped.</p><p>“Oh, you’re such a baby, it’s just a little sunburn.” He jumped as she smoothed her hand over his back.</p><p>“Easy for you to say, you’re in your twenties. I’ll be lucky if I can sleep tonight. Plus, I’m going to peel.”</p><p>“Let it go, Jeff, you’re a big boy now.” She moved off the bed, coming around the front side of him, working the soothing gel over the tops of his shoulders, which were the worst.</p><p>“You said it,” plucking at the string of her bikini bottom, pulling on it just a little.</p><p>“Patience,” slapping his hand lightly. “You’ll be happier if you let me do this right.”</p><p>“That is highly unlikely,” his hands captured her hips, pulling her in so he could rest his chin just above the valley between her breasts. “I am thinking we should stay in tonight.”</p><p>“Jeff, we haven’t left the hotel yet,” she protested weakly. The slightest tug on the string hanging down her back did the trick. She climbed onto his lap, straddling him.</p><p>“Untrue. We were on the beach.” His next stop was the top string.</p><p>She pushed his shoulder gently, and he landed on his back, bouncing a little on the mattress. Standing up between his legs, the picture in his head all afternoon was now close to reality.</p><p>“Promise me, we go out in public tomorrow,” removing those triangles of skimpy fabric that taunted him throughout the day.</p><p>“This is a vacation, Annie, you need to go with the flow more.”</p><p>She pulled at the waistband of his shorts. He was more than happy to oblige her request, lifting his hips off the bed. She followed the journey of his shorts to the floor, kneeling between his thighs, pulling them off completely.</p><p>He propped himself up on his elbows, inspecting her every move. She showered his bare thighs with soft kisses, working her way back up to his eye level. This easily could have been a scene formed during this afternoon’s nap on the beach. Maybe it was.</p><p>“Promise me, Jeff.” Those dangerous eyes locked on him, hovering over him, her hands positioned on either thigh.</p><p>“Annie, I don’t feel I can make promises under such duress.” She arched one eyebrow, before the soft skin of her lips enveloped him. She teased him mercilessly, swirling her tongue a little before stopping. Then she pushed herself back up, releasing him. No, no, no.</p><p>“What about now?” Before he could answer, she ran her tongue along the length of him, taking him inside her mouth again.</p><p>“Sure, oh. God, w-hat-ever you want.” Her hands joined the party, one steering his hips to participate, and the other establishing a firm hold around the base of his shaft.</p><p>He clutched the covers of the bed, falling into a deliciously pleasurable dance with her mouth. He was certain the 25 year-old version of him did not include an experience like her. He wouldn’t have known what to do with her then anyway even if it had.</p><p>Maybe there was something to this aging thing after all.</p><p> ~*~</p><p>If he tried hard enough, he could pretend they were on vacation. It was warm, she was there pressed against him, and they were sleeping in. But one thing he’d learned over the last year was that reality was better than make believe, if you put your mind to it. Of course, that required effort, something he’d also learned to give a try now and then.</p><p>This was the last full day they would spend in Greendale before she left. He’d had more time than the rest of the group to get used to the idea but not much. They still hadn’t forgiven him completely. He didn’t get her the gig, that was all her. He just encouraged, badgered her really, every day until she agreed to apply.</p><p>Annie had become so integral to the high-functioning operations of Greendale; her absence would leave a gaping hole that others couldn’t possibly fill.  Well, really, it was just Frankie, who would have to manage Craig on her own.</p><p>Jeff had wisely stayed away from offering any form of legal guidance to stave off the myriad lawsuits that place invited. He’d almost cut the cord completely over the last year, but Annie was always keeping him up on the latest enterprise of insanity coming out of that place.</p><p>As much as he hated the idea of her leaving, he knew it was time to let go. He’d feared the inevitability of it for so long, it was like he’d already experienced it and knew he could endure. At least that’s what he told himself.</p><p>But he hadn’t. He would, though, for real this time. And he was ready. He was sort of a hero like that.</p><p>She turned herself so she was facing him, the smell and feel of her always of comfort, especially now that it would be absent. He did his best to snapshot this memory and store it with the others.</p><p>“Mmm, you’re up early,” her voice muffled into his chest. He threaded his hands through her hair, smoothing it away from her face.</p><p>“I am. Have to make the most of your last day here.” She drew in a long breath, her skin moving against his as her lungs expanded.</p><p>“Don’t remind me. I was just dreaming we were on a beach somewhere.”</p><p>It was kind of freaky how synced up they were. He’d heard about that happening with couples, but living it was something other. He didn’t know what he would do without her.</p><p>“That can be arranged.”</p><p>He’d been working steadily for Borchert since last summer. Despite the weirdness surrounding Greendale and his high-profile client, he had restored his reputation enough in the Colorado legal community that he was beginning to draw in new clients.</p><p>And, with Annie’s capable organizational skills and Mark’s business acumen, he was reestablishing his financial viability as well. She’d more than earned another beach vacation, but her summer was already spoken for.</p><p>“Don’t tease me, Jeff. There are no beaches in D.C.”</p><p>“No, but there are beaches near D.C.” He may have checked it out, thinking about the one visit he was going to be able to do this summer.</p><p>“Yes, but they aren’t tropical. You spoiled me for life.”</p><p>“I hate to admit this, but if you recall, it was my dad who spoiled us both.”</p><p>“That was the least he could do for you, Jeff.” She was always the first to defend him, never letting him forget he deserved something more, too. He really wasn’t sure how he’d survive the summer without her.</p><p>“Annie, maybe we could think of a better topic to discuss in bed than my dad.” She gently swatted him on the arm, leaving her hand to trail down the length of it and back.</p><p>“I’m pretty sure you’re the one who introduced it.” Her hand continued its path, moving back up his neck and resting there, gently massaging the back of it.  </p><p>“I generally don’t like to talk first thing in the morning, as you know.”</p><p>“Once again,” she kissed his chest softly, “you started it, not me.”</p><p>“Then I guess it’s up to me to finish it, then,” gently rolling and tucking her under him. He planned to take his time. It wasn’t unlimited, but this part of their day was protected from outsiders. He’d made sure of it.</p><p>As he mapped his way down her body, a low, throaty laugh escaped her. “Your commitment to finishing what you start has improved greatly this last year.”</p><p>He was close to his final destination, meandering intentionally toward that one spot inside her leg, her body squirming with anticipation. He lifted his head in response to her little jibe. Her eyes were shut tight, her lower lip being worked over by her teeth.</p><p>“Are you trying to knock me off my game?”</p><p>“N-n-no,” shaking her head vigorously. Her eyes opened, realizing he’d paused to chastise her. She smiled, reaching for him. He gladly obliged her non-verbal request. He made the return journey north, stopping along the way at his favorite spots to spend a moment. She jumped when he hit one particularly ticklish spot. “Hey, no fair. You did that on purpose.”</p><p>“I don’t know what you mean,” watching her body wriggle in just the way he liked.</p><p>“Right, sure,” she forced out, caught in the tail end of a fit of giggles.</p><p>“You mean, this?” touching his lips there again.</p><p>“Yes,” swatting his shoulder lightly, “be nice to me,” her voice encouraging rather than admonishing him. She still liked to play games.</p><p>“I was trying to be, but you interrupted me with all of your talking.” She produced a little frown, tracing a finger along the top of his shoulder.</p><p>“I’m going to miss you, so I have to get my fill,” her eyes doing that thing that made him light-headed, even now, no matter how many times he saw it.</p><p>“Um, I was trying to accommodate your request, but you disrupted my plans for you.”</p><p>“It’s impossible to interrupt you when you’re on your game, Jeff,” her words slow, delivered through a sultry little smile that ignited her eyes. She knew how to work him so well.</p><p>“This conversation stands as evidence in opposition to your statement. I could be talking a much different language to you right now, Annie, if you’d let me.”</p><p>To prove his point, he found her favorite spot again, watching her entire body answer him without saying another word.</p><p>~*~</p><p>He’d become far better at holding on <em>and</em> letting go. Though he admittedly struggled with the latter, once he got really good at the former. And, somehow, he managed to make it all summer without her. He’d been busy figuring out how to get Borchert’s multiple patents moving forward. That was a new area for him, so he and Mark had to bring on a new associate to help out.</p><p>By the time summer was almost over, Jeff and Mark were full partners. Turns out Mark wasn’t trying to turn Jeff to the dark side, after all. This last year had opened up his mind, beyond the shades of black and white he was comfortable living in the majority of his life.</p><p>In those areas of gray he’d found the life he was supposed to be living. They saved him. She saved him. It was both exhilarating and terrifying to live life this way. But he felt alive, probably for the first time since he was a kid, and it was all worth it.</p><p>She hadn’t decided exactly what was next for her. She had options to fill that resume. It was only a matter of time before she picked her path and followed it. That’s what he wanted for her, and he would gladly be a part of whatever path she chose if that’s what she wanted. He couldn’t expect more of her than that.</p><p>So he didn’t invest any time in wondering what would happen when she returned. Well, he did, but he did it in the very structured walls of his therapist’s office, instead of the bottle of scotch that sat collecting dust on his shelf.</p><p>He dutifully picked her up at the airport, getting there 2 hours early just because. He carried her bags into her old room of apartment 303 and made small talk with Britta, even petting one of her cats.</p><p>They had planned a small gathering that night, at his condo, to welcome her home. Home was a strange concept for them now. So much was different. They were no longer a Study Group. Their lives finally transcended the space and place that made them the original Greendale 7.</p><p>“I guess we’re the group now,” she concluded as she helped him clear the table. Britta, Frankie, Chang, and Craig now all gone home.</p><p>“So was this the season you envisioned for us before you left for D.C. this summer?”</p><p>“Not exactly,” a pensive smile on her face. “How about you?”</p><p>“I refuse to answer on the grounds that it might incriminate me.” She snapped a towel at him as he left the kitchen to bring in the last of the dishes.</p><p>“Ugh, I bet it involved the study table and some trashy women. Predictable.”</p><p>They weren’t trashy. Not all of them. He had to have something to keep him going while she was gone all summer.</p><p>“There may have been one pitch like that, but there were others that all involved one specific trashy woman.” She released a small, offended gasp.</p><p>“Jeff!” She loved to play this game. Distance encourages creativity, which they’d gotten pretty good at over the summer. After all, he was only able to visit her once. But what a week that was.</p><p>Her back turned, he crowded her into the sink, wrapping his arms tightly around her. “What? I’ve been good all night. I thought they’d never leave.”</p><p>“Yes, you were very much the gentleman tonight,” flipping off the water and facing him. Rolling up on her toes, she placed a faint, chaste kiss on his mouth.</p><p>“I really tried,” returning to her mouth, with less than pure intentions. She chuckled, her lips humming against his.</p><p>“I’m pretty sure Frankie is never coming back here. You didn’t try too hard when we were eating.” He may have been a little less subtle with his hands than he thought.</p><p>“You probably shouldn’t have worn that dress, then.” He couldn’t be expected not to take advantage of the opportunity. It had been a long fucking summer.</p><p>“What? It’s summer, and dresses are comfortable.”</p><p>She jumped up on the edge on the counter, completely undermining her very logical explanation by widening her legs in a decidedly unladylike fashion.</p><p>“Sure, this was all about comfort,” gripping the exposed skin of her legs before slipping his tongue in her mouth.</p><p>“Jeff,” the seriousness in her voice sudden but keeping up with speed of her hands. One was attempting to unbuckle him, the other engaged in a highly vigorous exploration on the outside seam of his pants.</p><p>“Jesus, Annie,” leaning away to catch his breath.</p><p>“This was, um, one of the scenarios I imagined in my next season for us, Jeff,” clasping the edge of his pants, reengaging in her plan to separate him from them.</p><p>He didn’t argue. He may have had a similar scene in mind on the many summer nights he spent alone, wishing she was here.</p><p>He pushed that dress up, his fingers wrapping around the lacey edges of her underwear. She lifted herself off the counter, so he could pull them free.</p><p>“Your wish is my command, Milady."</p><p>~*~</p><p>He wasn’t one to rush into things. But with Annie, it was so easy to commit to this major life decision. He just knew she’d be a great partner. She was so nurturing and loving. She’d have to be to endure living with him.</p><p>“You do realize this means we’re going to need a bigger place at some point, right?”</p><p>He’d already been looking at houses. They definitely needed one now. He wanted to surprise her, so he did his best to throw her off his trail.</p><p>“Maybe, we should have thought this through more.”</p><p>“We did get caught up in the moment a little. But, we’re both adults.”</p><p>She really was the adult in the relationship. He counted on that too much, which was how they got into this situation.  </p><p>“But, we agreed we wanted this at some point. It’s a little late now. She’s already here.”</p><p>“Yes, Jeff, but timing is everything. And, I really did mean it when I said I wanted to live in the same place for more than a year.”</p><p>It hadn’t been that long since she took the job in Denver with the local bureau. It was entry level and only part time, but she was thinking about graduate school, too. So it was inevitable that they would need to move.</p><p>“You can’t always plan everything, Annie.”</p><p>“I know but, this is a big deal, Jeff. I hope you’re ready for this type of commitment.” He was distracted by those giant eyes, gazing up at him. He was such a goner.</p><p>“Look at her, Annie. She’s amazing, right?”</p><p>“I guess,” her words at odds with the adoring smile that reached her eyes.</p><p>He knew love when he saw it now. But he was used to it being directed at him. Now he’d have to share it with her.</p><p>“Come on, Annie, admit it. She’s the cutest.”</p><p>While she’d never admit what an attractive couple they were, he was more than happy to. Now, they were just an obnoxiously gorgeous trio.</p><p>“She’s so little, Jeff. Do you think we can handle this?”</p><p>“Of course we can. You’re a natural. I can see it already.”</p><p>“You’re just saying that so you can get out of waking up in the middle of the night with her.” Completely true. She knew him too well.</p><p>“Eventually, she’ll sleep through the night. Don’t worry. She’ll get used to us, and we’ll get used to her.”</p><p>“We still have a lot to learn, though, maybe we should take a class or something.” Of course she’d want to study everything she could. She was probably hoping they handed out grades, too.</p><p>“Annie, please, I know a lot about women, as you know. I could teach the class.”</p><p>“Jeff, just because she’s female, doesn’t mean you automatically know everything about how to take care of her.”</p><p>“While that is up for debate, I concede your point. For now. But how hard can it be?” He just wanted to cuddle and play with her. It didn’t need to be academic.</p><p>“Jeff, they write books and have classes for a reason. You need to take this responsibility seriously.”</p><p>That sounded like work. He already had a demanding job. Maybe they should have waited after all.</p><p>“When we need a break, we’ll just put her in that cage.”</p><p>“I’m pretty sure that’s not how it works, Jeff.” That contraption was taking up an entire corner of their bedroom now.</p><p>“Annie, why did we buy it, if we aren’t going to use it?”</p><p>“It’s only for house training, Jeff, so she doesn’t have an accident on your precious rug.” Oh, yeah, well he didn’t want that. “And, it’s called a crate, not a cage.”</p><p>“It’s a cage, Annie, plain and simple.”</p><p>“We can’t just put her in her crate all the time. She needs a lot of attention and interaction with us. And eventually she’ll need to make friends with other dogs.” That sounded like work. He was glad he had her here to help.</p><p>“Annie, she’s not a person. She’s a dog.” She was fucking adorable, though. He couldn’t take his eyes off of her.</p><p>“Jeff, everyone knows puppies are like babies, except you can’t put people in cages.”</p><p>“Ever hear of a playpen, Annie?”</p><p>He wasn’t a complete idiot. Although that didn’t stop him from getting on the floor with that puff of fur and rubbing his face against her belly.</p><p>“So now you’re an expert on puppies and babies?” Her tone only a little reproachful. Her smile, however, was like the sun.</p><p>“And you are?” She was an expert on everything, of course, if she wanted to be.</p><p>“No, but we’ll learn together.”</p><p>“Annie, you know I’m not the most dedicated student.”</p><p>She got down on the floor with him, her eyes studying their new roommate with that fierce intensity. He’d come to know that look now as devotion.</p><p>“We can do this, Jeff. We’re a great team, remember?” With her as their coach, he had zero doubt this new team would be just as strong.</p><p>“The team just got bigger, Annie.” She smiled, the one he’d never get tired of seeing.</p><p>“Yeah, it did.”</p>
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<a name="section0016"><h2>16. A Study in Ancestry</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Jeff has a dream.</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Just a very short little chapter of happy fluff, just because I wanted to.</p><p>You deserve it if you read this to the end.😊</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Like most people, Jeff processed his life when he slept. He hadn’t had much sleep recently, mostly because she wasn’t sleeping too well either these days.</p><p>Case in point, she just whacked him in the face when she rolled over. This wasn’t the first time it happened, but it was tonight.</p><p>“Ow,” he grabbed his nose, not intending to be so loud. She was tiny but still packed quite a punch, even in a semi-conscious state.</p><p>“Jeff?” She didn’t even really wake up, just stirred a little. She needed her rest. He did, too, but she needed it more.</p><p>“Shh, I’m ok. Go back to sleep,” he stroked her head with one hand, while he checked his nose with the other.</p><p>His eyes were watering from the force of the blow, but there was no blood. He laid there for a minute, realizing he was now awake for real.</p><p>He pulled back the covers, very carefully rolling out of bed so not to disturb her more. His four-legged bestie lifted her head off of her bed but dropped it back down when she realized it was just him. She stretched, emitting a small groan before she closed her eyes. He wished he could recover so easily.</p><p>He headed for the kitchen, a slight sheen of moonlight illuminating his path down the hallway. He tiptoed through the house, trying to be as quiet as possible so he didn’t wake her. That was until he knocked his shin into the giant hunk of plastic now stationed in the large room, right next to the kitchen.</p><p>“Fuck!” Even though he tried to stifle it, he did a poor job. He was pretty tired, and it did hurt.</p><p>“Jeff,” her voice drifted toward him, far-off, sleepy. “Are you ok?” He padded back down the hallway to their room.</p><p>She was propped up on her elbows, only one eye barely cracked open, her hair a mess.</p><p>“Sorry. I am still not used to all of the new stuff yet. I ran into something on my way to the kitchen. Go back to sleep, Annie.”</p><p>Their flaxen-haired puppy, now fully grown, got up and sauntered to her side of the bed. She sat quietly, patiently waiting for her to get up. Usually she would, but he was trying to be more helpful these days.</p><p>“Please let her out, Jeff,” she murmured softly, dropping back down onto the bed. She was unsettled, trying to find a place for her body to rest comfortably. Even in her sleep, she was still taking care of everyone.</p><p>She curled into a fetal position, having kicked off all the covers in her sleepy, thrashing state. Her t-shirt was straining, barely covering a very swollen belly, which pretty much consumed her entire frame. Her arm cradled the giant bump, her hand gently caressing it.</p><p>He approached her side of the bed quietly, gathering the covers to place back over her. She mumbled some unintelligible words, eyes were still closed. He kissed her temple and then her belly, making sure not to rub the prickly hairs of his beard against the sensitive skin, before attempting to cover her again.</p><p>A tiny little giggle escaped her, but her eyes remained shut. Even like this, maybe more so, she took his breath away. He still didn’t quite understand how he’d gotten here, but here he was.</p><p>He did wonder if this was just another fantasy, playing out in his overactive imagination. The throbbing ache in his leg suggested otherwise.</p><p>Either way, he didn’t care. It was his dream. Their dream. And she was there.</p><p>That was all that mattered.</p>
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